With not a bang, but a whimper

[flyboy_fox]

Heh.

While I disagree with 'angry anon' over it being cowardly or bad form to ask friends with greater knowledge of these things for advice on 'kin/bond related matters pertaining to my partner and I, I'm closing down that last post anyway. People who responded gave me some fresh new perspective and maybe even helped me to figure things out a bit as to why I feel the way I do, and what's going on here. It's enough. I think I'm good, now, in regards to that.

The truth is, while anon may think me a shallow cretin for spilling as much as I did, the whole bond thing barely scratches the surface of the issues and things I'm feeling shite about at the moment. But as I said at the top of the last post, I won't go into that here. I may have some hypocritical tendencies, but I do know what things are for public discourse and which are not. I'll apologise for nothing in my last post, yet in the name of harmony (or civility at least, lest any of my friends' good names are dragged down for no reason), we'll consider the former matter closed, and I'll deal with the latter on my own.

Thanks everyone who replied to the previous post.

See ya later.

Edit: Ugh. Lately all I can now is sleep. All night, most of the day, all night again. Even after all that, I can't keep my eyes open. All I think about is sleep x.x Usually indicated slipping back into stage 2 of depression. It's not even winter. It's sunny! I just wanna curl up forever and sleep. *Goes back to bed at 4pm*

Comments

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

I didn't see what anon said, but they had no right to make you feel like you should take that entry down. You should be able to talk about whatever you want in your LJ, me included. And you didn't even go into the more assy things I've done... so yeah... that's my two cents...

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I didn't think that it was cowardly to make a public post. If I had made a locked post that you couldn't see, yeah, that would be cowardly. It was public and I hid nothing.

If anon wants to accuse me of not talking to YOU, then anon needs to actually know the full story before making random batshit accusations, but whatever.

Easier just to take it down. Sure, I could go into EVERYTHING, but that WOULD be kind of assholish of me.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

It wasn't cowardly at all... you wanted to know how your friends with experience would weigh in on the issue... it's perfectly valid.

You didn't go into everything... that was very respectful of you. I know that wasn't what your post was about. Your post was about that one specific thing and you got some opinions on it. You should never feel forced to take down your entries...

For the record, anon, Jai DOES talk to me about these things. A lot. I'm the one at fault here for being so quiet about it.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It wasn't 'respectful' of me... just common courtesy. I just wanted some people to weigh in on the issue as BOTH you and I are new to it.

I also find it pretty hypocritical when people hiding behind 'anon' comments accuse others of being cowardly.

In retrospect, it was a kneejerk reaction to take the post down... but I think the input I got was good.

As for the rest of the issues, that really is no one else's business.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Okie sweetheart. Well thank you for the common courtesy.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

and you're right... it is kinda hypocritical to call someone cowardly in an anon comment. You were speaking your mind, you put it all out there, and you wanted some opinions. You weren't hiding from me.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It took me a while to decide if I should post it, but I thought I might as well try to get some outside opinions, if only because I can easily get stuck in one train of thought. When I ask for opinions, I'm genuinely ASKING for OPINIONS. I'm not trying to get people to side with me (and mostly they didn't, which was really helpful actually).

I would have taken it down in a heartbeat if you'd asked me to, also.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

I know you would have, shmoo. I would never have asked you to though. I know it's public, but I still consider an LJ an actual journal, where you should be able to talk about what's on your mind. Obviously you don't want to hurt others so you try your best to avoid it, but in the end, it's your thoughts.

And there's the added bonus of getting to hear people's opinions on it... I can see how it would help too... especially when you're frustrated. It helps to know others care and are willing to give their opinion.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Sleep well, sweetheart... I love you..

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not any of the anons from whatever previous entry there was, but I thought I should point out that being a hypocrite does not in fact make someone wrong. And also the relevancy of the accusation matters here. An anon calling you a coward isn't actually a "true" hypocrite unless they are doing the exact same thing you're doing. If they were calling you out for trying to hide your identity, then yeah, that's pure hypocrisy. If it's something else, then no. Someone can say "eating nails is bad for you" while eating a box of nails, and while they would be a hypocrite to suggest you shouldn't also eat nails... eating nails is still bad for you.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

I can see what you're saying with the comparrison not being perfect, but that's semantics really... the point is, Jai wasn't avoiding talking to me. She HAD talked to me extensively. She merely wanted an opinion from like-minded people outside of the two of us.

So whether or not anon was technically a hypocrite doesn't really matter.

[(Anonymous)]

Diff anon from the previous two, but honestly? You two need either couples' counselling or a serious break if you're totally okay with her effectively calling you a liar to the whole internet.

Backbone, you needs one.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

She didn't call me a liar. She said that I could be subconsciously creating a soulbond out of a need to match her bond. Which is entirely possible, and entirely separate from lying.

Jai and I have been together for over ten years, there are ups and downs, but that's a long time and a lot of real life history outside of fickin and soulbond stuff. I'd like to think I have a better understanding of our relationship than an anon on live journal. n.n;

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Well when you put things out there..you're bound to get negative opinions..

And maybe it's your hibernation period that's all

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

I think the negative opinions arose from the misunderstanding some anons had that Jai wasn't talking to ME about any of this and instead talking to the general public, which wasn't the case. She talked to me about it plenty. So yeah. That's the long and short of it.

[(Anonymous)]

Yyyyeaaaah if you've been together 10+ years and (assuming my web-cache does not lie) she says stuff like that "even if [you] might be pissed" because she thinks you are making shit up?

um yeah okay whatever. I've seen behaviour like yours before, and it's usually the beaten partner in an abuse case - and I mean that in all sincerity.

[(Anonymous)]

I also find it pretty hypocritical when people hiding behind 'anon' comments accuse others of being cowardly.

Anon from below here - I'm anon because I do not have a journal on LJ, not for cowardice, and - with all due respect - I'm certainly not getting a sockpuppet just to satisfy you.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

XD in that case, if you really thought I was being 'abused', I would hope you'd be a little less sardonic and tactless with me.

Oh wait, was that your tough love face? Gotta give it to me hard in order to save me from myself?

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. XD Stretching words out is fun and effective!

[tangyabominy.livejournal.com]

Glad people were able to help, anyways. :) I saw some of the discussion threads that went on before anon came in, and I thought they raised some decent points.

And I think Jei is awesome person for being okay with you bringing these things to a public forum, even when they may not be 100% flattering to her. That, IMHO, is a truly backboneful act.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Ah, but the true question is how do we know for sure you're not already a sockpuppet? You could say you don't have a journal til you're blue in the face and we'd still have no solid proof either way- with all due respect.

Then again we all could be sockpuppets, even under LJ names. However, it seems more likely that anons are sockpuppets because it's less likely for someone to get involved in LJ drama without having at least a small network of friends from LJ in which to find this drama. Not that there aren't people who lurk LJ never having made a journal, but it does put anons in the unfortunate position of always being suspect.

[carriepika.livejournal.com]

Hate to tell you this, whoever you are, but if you think there's never any doubt in a relationship about whether your partner is being totally truthful with you, then you're in for quite a shock when you get into a serious and long lasting one yourself.

I've been happily married for almost ten years now, together for fourteen, and there have been MANY times where I've spent time fretting over whether or not my husband was being honest with me or he was just 'making shit up'.

Conversely, he's done the same over me. Many times. This is natural and normal and just part of being involved with someone. Ask a couple that's been together for 30+ years and they'll tell you the same thing. The fact that Jei and Jai talk about it (as do my husband and myself) is the kicker.

Disagreements and doubt are not abuse, Anon. Not when there's proper communication going on. If you think there will never be moments where you or your future partner wonder if either of you are 'making shit up' at each other, then you're going to be in for a very real and hefty surprise. Or you'll go through a lot of break ups over silly reasons. Either or.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

The hypocrisy was in calling someone a coward whilst being one oneself. I also still feel that it was an unfair and untrue accusation. But... semantics aside, I'm not sure what anons feel gives them the right to judge me without even saying who they are. If all they know of me is posts on the internet, I'd hardly call that a strong basis.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

You don't need an LJ, just a name and/or brief explanation as to who you are and where you came from. It would be useful to understand how well you know me. As far as I know, you could have just stumbled upon my LJ today and all you know of me is from a 5 minute read of my journal.

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Ah i see...I dunno..I assumed she did tell you about it..she has a secret hiding tendency but not very well at keeping em' in..

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh for fuck's sake. Beaten partner? Because I made one public post asking for opinions about something in our relationship that I was unsure about? I'm sorry, but if you think that Jei is being abused, you clearly know NOTHING about me OR Jei for that matter.

Even though we've been having an argument, I was careful to word the post in such a way that I even admitted to feeling awful about my doubts - I did not call her a liar. I simply was confused by the difference in our experiences and thankfully the people who responded helped me to see her perspective better.

OMG so abusive. ... oh wait, no. A little tactless and thoughtless perhaps, but not abusive. Dear God how insulting to Jei to accuse her of being beaten down.

Step back and realize that internet psychology does not apply to real life, and that you really are in no position to make such extreme and inaccurate judgements. I really think you owe Jei an apology even if not me.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

A secret hiding tendency? Lol wtf. What does that even mean?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

They raised some very good points. And yeah, Jei is awesome that way, which is why I made the decision to make that post in the first place, and public so that she could see. I refuse to talk about her behind her back, even if I'm angry or confused.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks mroo... ugh... just slept for another seven hours until a bright light outside my window and a noise like a helicopter woke me up. For a moment I thought it was a UFO. Surreal.

Then I had to zap a pretty big spider on the wall above my computer.

Now it's almost midnight and I just can't sleep any more @_@

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

...maybe you're not supposed to know xP


Like a tendency to hide secrets?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

When have I ever had a tendency to hide secrets? All my posts are public, even the ones likely to get me trolled, and I talk to Jei about everything XD Not sure where you're getting that idea from. I'm about the most open person there is :P

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

XD If there's one thing Jai ISN'T, it's a secret keeper. n.n; just not Jai's style....

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

But let's cut the crap, we all know this isn't even the case, is it, Ayries?

[(Anonymous)]

I am not sure what saying who they are has to do with having the "right" to judge you. That doesn't make any sense. Also, I wouldn't call it a "right" so much as a simple ability to do so. You put yourself out there and people judge what you display of yourself. Like it or don't like it, that's all there is to it.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I suppose that's true. Everyone judges. Rather, what I mean to say is on what basis can they judge something as infinitely complex and personal as the state of my relationship or the way I deal with an issue pertaining to that relationship when all they presumably know of me is from some posts in my journal?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'll agree with you there. The problem seems to be that someone jumped to conclusions based on their biases about what they think about your personality and behavior. Even if by some chance they are correct, it's not really their business, now is it? You can't rescue someone from an abusive relationship via LiveJournal or the Internet. This is doubly true if they don't actually know either of you personally.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

I'm not really sure how one LJ post is proof of anything. I've been nothing but loving towards Jei in every other post I've ever made. It feels like a personal attack, which is why I want to know who that person is and why they feel the way they do about me. But just as they can't do anything to 'save' Jei from wherever they are, I suppose I can't do anything to challenge them either. Such is the nature of these here interbutts.

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

I dunno, man..You have courage, kid..i'll grant you that..but you really give me that vibe that you keep your own lil' secrets when you can..withdrawn in your own way rather..

And you did hide the fact you were a girl in a way..but i don't mean to be accusatory..

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Nah, I never hid that I'm biologically female. I mentioned it several times, but people didn't catch on because no one directly asked. I identify as male, so there was no reason to call myself female in my journal.

I don't keep secrets. I mean, look at all the stuff I've told people over time about all my weirdnesses and eccentricities XD I'm totally not the secretive type, as Jei below will testify.

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying your the secretive type totally..you are an open book..and i did say in a way...

but i can see some things you might wanna keep to yourself..like your own hidey-hole or something..it's something to do with your insecurities..

I'm not a cowardly anon as you put it but technically she is a biased witness..technically
I'm just being objective here not mean-spirited

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

She's known me, in person as well as online, for 10 years. You know me a little online. I'd say she's the better character judge (;

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Alright alright..i'll let you have this one..i think we're going in circles anyway and prolonging on the internetz is pointless..

I was just merely stating my opinion which i'm entitled don't take it personally..

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm not taking it personally. I'm just confused (and mildly amused) that you'd think you know something like that about me, when it's pretty much well known by everyone else that my problem is I talk too MUCH about personal stuff and don't really keep ANY secrets about myself XD Jai is an open book.

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

You're entitled to have the opinion that France is the same as Japan, but if you've only read a travel brochure about both you reeeeally don't have enough to go on to form an informed opinion. Futher more, if a French citizen and Japanese citizen came to you and said it wasn't so, one would hope you'd take their word for it.

Like Jai said, we've been together for over ten years, far longer than we've known any of our LJ friends, even the ones from way back.. which you are not one of.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding snarky or hostile. Not usually my style... but damn you came out of nowhere and presumed to tell Jai what he's like without even knowing him... and THEN write off my opinon as being biased and invalid? XD I'm sure you're well aware your silly strikethroughs ain't hidin' nothing.