~Who, who has stole mah horse?!~

[flyboy_fox]

Man, I give you money
If you tell me where's my honey?

Her hair is brown, the saddle is black
I love her so, I want her back!

XD <3 Captain Jack.

WHO HAS STOLE MAH HORSE??!! (XD It's not Eurodance. Just a REALLY stupid song that cracks me up :P)

My Japanese snacks arrived today! :D Two boxes full. I'm gonna have a tummy-ache n.n; (Jai does not practise moderation). Still waiting on the package from Jei with Yoshi's Island DS ;_; ::Pokes the delivery service::

Sooo... I wanna talk about something fandom-related, but I've gotta be careful ^^; Last time I expressed a fandom-related view, I kinda got jumped on o.o But yeah, this isn't really to do with a character... more to do with the fans n.n; So, where to start?

Well, first off, any of my friends who are TTR regulars have probably noticed that I'm back, posting a lot more, being actively involved again (particularly in the government area). You guys are probably also aware that I was planning to leave along with Lunar and Sull, who have both gone ahead and resigned their adminships... so why haven't I? Well, more to the point, why am I even an admin at a Tails forum in the first place? x.o

TTR was an offshoot from MF, another Tails forum, bigger, more well known. I joined MF for a simple reason... I felt safe there. When I first started exploring the Sonic fandom, I unfortunately ran into the nastier side of it first. The rabid SEGASONIC fanboys who, for the most part, seemed to hate Tails with a burning passion to rival the very bowels of hell themselves. And those that didn't actively hate Tails... well... ignored him. So when I first stumbled upon MF, it was with a wide-eyed innocence as I realized "Wow, there's a bunch of people who actually care about Tails and think he's cool!". And so I signed up and started actively posting there after Sull noticed me as a new member and encouraged me to join in. Ironically, I think I actually posted in the debate and real life forum areas more than the Sonic-related ones, but either way, I established myself there around about the time that 'the shit went down', as they say. No need to go into details, but there was a general discontent among my group of friends there, and eventually they branched off and started TTR in order to do things in what they hoped was a better and more diplomatic way.

So, TTR. I didn't join it because it was a Tails forum... I joined it because my friends had moved away from MF and were there. I was equally unhappy with MF, and so I joined TTR pretty early on too, but like with MF, I lurked for a while before I began posting. At the same time, several members of the staff there were looking to get some more staff, and had decided I'd be a good candidate because they already knew me and judged that I'm a reasonable and responsible poster. I'm not sure if there was an error of communication, but somehow I ended up as a global moderator before I'd even started posting. This was awkward, and understandably some of the existing members were a little hostile. History repeated itself a short while later, as my name came up again as candidate for a newly open admin position. This was given to me overnight, despite me not actually giving the go ahead and wanting a little more time to 'prove' myself, and once again I was left feeling awkward and inadequate... but over time I settled into the role, becoming more confident and being more involved in the running of the forum. To date, I don't think I ever implemented any big changes, but I have had my share of input in the forums design, running, and moderation.

So, why did I lose interest? Well, probably, to be honest, because I feel awkward there. Back then, I needed a safe place, but now I've grown and become bold enough to post in general Sonic forums, I kinda feel... I don't need to hide in a Tails-friendly forum anymore. And to be even more honest... some of the Tails fanatics at TTR scare me. Really really scare me. I think... a lot of the reason I feel weird about being there is because of them. I understand how entirely hypocritical it is of me to be weirded out by anyone's expression of fandom, considering my own expression of fandom has had me SomethingAwful'd, even. But the thing is, I'm not a Tails fanatic. That would just be... weird. I'm a Sonic fanatic, and Tails fanatics scare me ^^; Not all of them... mainly just the evangelical Tails fans, but there sure are a lot of them at TTR x.o I feel bad, but I just find it really creepy. It's almost like... they see Tails as some sort of savior, a Jesus-figure even. Like he's their messiah :\ Saying things like "Cheer up... no matter how bad your life is, just remember you have a friend in Tails!" and talking about Tails appearing to them in dreams... and how 'believing' in Tails has saved their lives... I... just get very weirded out and it makes me not wanna go there. Tails isn't some God-figure. He can't cure lepers with his touch, he's not gonna appear to you in some holy vision (unless you're high on something O.o), and quite frankly, he'd be scared out of his wits by the cult-like following he seems to have in certain little Tails-centric communities ^^;; So... that's why TTR started making me feel uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people expressing their fandom, and like I've said, my own expression of fandom has been seen as extremely odd in the eyes of many. But it all leads back to this - why am I back at TTR?

The answer is simple. I don't know. I think part of me is just... proud that I managed to establish myself somewhere. Proud that I'm a well-known admin on a forum that, whilst admittedly not huge, does have several hundred members in total (even if the vast majority are no longer active). Pathetic though it seems, I suppose I do feel a slight sense of wellbeing when someone PMs me or IMs me for assistance, whether it's to deal with a troll, move a topic, or if simply just asking for advice. I feel like I grew a lot in my time there. In the end, my reasons for being there have nothing to do with Tails at all, and at times I really wish that TTR wasn't a Tails forum. If it was a regular Sonic forum, I'd feel a lot less weird about being there. But as for now... I think the main reason I'm telling myself I'm still there is because right now TTR is going through a shift. Two admins have resigned, one has just been added, the moderators are being refreshed, and the forum itself is due to receive some aesthetic changes. And I guess part of me just wants to feel like I'm needed there.

Nevertheless, I have spread my wings. I post in other places now, such as UB and TSS, and I'm no longer afraid of 'haters'. I started an LJ community, sonic_couples, that's enjoying moderate success, I inherited aosth_fans, and I co-maintain at knothole and sonic_rating. I post regularly in sonicstuff, and I have plenty of LJ friends. I've more than proved myself in that sense. I don't need to be uber-popular. This is plenty. I'm happy with this.

So, about TTR? I guess I'll stay at least long enough to try to help with a smooth transition. But then maybe I will finally move on and leave that safety net behind, and perhaps establish myself somewhere else where I don't feel so weird. ::Nod:: That's my plan.

Sorry for such a large, and mostly irrelevant, rant :\ I just had to get that off my chest ^^;

Comments

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

This might be a good change for you to leave, especially if you feel it to be that important to you. And personally, I'm 100% in awe and respect that you can realize that you don't need that safety net anymore and branch off. Acting on something like that is more than I can say for a lot of people.

And I completley know where you're coming from with the creepy fans. Oo; I admit that I may be one at times, but... at the same time, I'm not the one who's determined to marry Shadow. I used to have a couple of fangirl wars over him... But that was really more about shipping than anything else. ^^; Anyway, I digress. I've seen some of the fans that are just... unhealthily obsessed, I guess you could say? And it is one of the scariest things you could ever come across.
(And, on a side note, I realize how totally hipocritical that may sound, considering that... well... I consider it to be the Sonic fandom that sort of brought me out of my shell. I had stopped drawing, writing, even finding friends who shared any intrests outside of acting. Once I got into the fandom, I started all that again, then branched off to do original works and characters and stuff. So hell, maybe I'm considered one of those "SONIC IS MA SAVIUR LOLOLOL" people. XD;)

Anyway, once again... I can not begin to tell you how much I respect this 'self discovery' thing. And I more than love how you recognize a place that is not really much more than a safe zone, and how you're confident enough to span out. That's a really great thing, Jai. *hugs*

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, Chasey... ::Hugs::

You know, I suppose there's a fair degree of hypocrisy in my post, because Sonic is a HUGE influence in my life... and of course, without those forums in the first place, I would never have grown confident enough to branch out into the wider world. I owe a huge amount to those Tails forums, even if I feel I've outgrown them, and I'm certainly not sorry that I joined.

You're certainly not a 'creepy fan' :) You're a devoted fan, and I love that about you! But you're not creepy, at all.

And thanks for believing in me ^_^

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

I owe a lot to my school. I made great friends, I learned a lot of social skills that I would not have learned otherwise, and I'm definately not regretful I went... doens't mean I don't want to get the heck out of there. :D
So really, I'm not sure I could call that post hypocritical. At all. ^^

"Devoted"? ...Sure, I'll totally go for that. ^.^

And thanks for believing in me ^_^
Of course. ^__^ *hugs* *...now wants to listen to Tails' SA theme*

[onlytalewetell.livejournal.com]

Point of information: Tails IS the savior in the Archie comics. So that (and the idea that Sonic or Shadow might be some kind of savior) isn't quite as nutty as say, anyone else in the series being some kind of savior. of course, it is kind of weird for people to take that idea out of continuity and into their real lives.

I can't really say anything, though; I surround myself with fictional Christlike characters. Ash Ketchum, Sonic the Hedgehog, several Power Rangers characters (including Bridge and Daggeron O_o), Murdoch from Dark City, Bethany from Dogma... Of course, I acknowledge them for what they are, Christlike characters, mere symbols that I can use as a more tangible exploration of my faith in God.

Of course, that isn't to say that I don't have an odd and scary relationship with those symbols, because symbols have untold power when one believes in them. I often use the character of Sonic, represented by my little plush toy I've had since I was nine, as a sort of talisman, a form of protection from the intagible darknesses of the world. But even that isn't as freakish as it would seem, because Sonic was a gift from my mother when I was nine years old, at arguably one of the only good birthday parties I've had (along with 17 and 20)--he's become a tangible symbol of my mother's love. With that and the character of Sonic--who stands for freedom and courage, which I value highly (which is probably why I'm a fan in the first place)--it makes him an ideal "teddy bear." When no one else is there, I have Sonic (and thus my mother). When I'm mad at my mother, I can still express my love for her through the toy and be mad at the same time.

But I recognize the silliness of all that too, which is why I post obnoxious pictures of my plushie on the internet.

I don't know, am I a scary fan? Or am I just a highly efficient one?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Hah! Oh, I know about Tails in the Archie comics. I followed the whole Mammoth Mogul thing, and the recent arc with ADAM and Tommy... so yes, Tails as the 'Chosen One', a savior of sorts, is canonically correct (at least in that one continuity). I'm certainly not objecting to anyone's belief about facts in the actual story arcs.

Also, my depth of fandom is probably deeper than you know. If I ever posted openly about my deepest feelings and beliefs regarding the Sonic universe, I would most likely be locked up in a hospital for a very long time ^^; So again, my weirded-out-ness isn't to do with depth of fandom.

I just get creeped when people take a character and seem to devote their entire existance to a character... relying on that character more than anything in their 'real' life. And yes, that's hypocritical, because Sonic is my fallback, and one of the most important influences in my life. ^^;

I suppose if people find hope in something, that's good. I just get weirded out when Tails gets elevated to this near-God-like status where it's like he's perfect and flawless, and belief in him will solve all the ills of the world.

I guess because my fandom is based around my love of the less-perfect qualities of characters. The things that make them more real. I don't _want_ to elevate them to a perfect status of divinity. I see them as heroes, good people, role-models to aspire to... but I can't see them as divine, and I can't worship them. That just feels wrong to me.

[onlytalewetell.livejournal.com]

I think fandom exists to get us through the bad places. As long as we use fandom to sustain real life, there's no harm in it. People laugh at me for playing Pokemon, but it maintains my weak math skiils. Sonic is a musical exploration for me, but it also allows me to parse my personal problems in new and different ways, as well as explore concepts of divinity. And in the Power Rangers series I like, I get to compare the characters to myself, since they are very much like me--I'm about Power Ranger age now, so a lot of what they deal with is relevent to me. But all of the fictional series I adore center around the concept of heroes--something I want and have always wanted to be.

And I agree with you about the fallibility of characters. There is NOTHING appealing about a perfect character. Every one of the characters listed above have featured in my exploration of their downfalls, their limits. ...well, except Daggeron, but that's becuase I don't write Mystic Force fic, but I HAVE alluded to his downfall in an RPG.

By exploring their limits.... I come closer to approximating my own.

We rock, Jai. =D

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Gengar! Hehe, I loved the plot twist in MD, I totally didn't see it coming. [/tangent]

And yes indeed! Way to rock on!! ^_^

[onlytalewetell.livejournal.com]

Actually, there's a very specific reason I used Gengar in the post. But I don't want to elaborate here, because it's a huge spoiler and I.. well.. okay. But I'll put a buffer in there for peeps...

SPOILER
SPOILE
SPOIL
SPOI
SPO
SP
S

So, for this RP I'm doing for a friend based on mystery dungeon, I decided that Gengar... should be Ash! OMGWTFBBQ. A future Ash. If Pikachu were to die, Ash would be pretty screwed up, and clearly the chosen one thing is weighing pretty heavily on him (See: his attack on Tory in Destiny Deoxys, his disputes with Lucario in Lucario and the Mystery of Mew, his basically being a dick at times that don't make sense, even for him). If Pikachu were gone... I think he'd stop caring about saving the world. He would be so caught up in losing Pikachu that nothing else would really matter, he wouldn't bond with future Pokemon... So say he got Gardevoir as a gift ("Pikachu would have wanted you to keep training," blah blah blah). Say the ninetails was doing something he found offensive, because Ash has no qualms with attacking apparently legendary Pokemon (Mewtwo, for instance)? It makes sense. <3

I'm a dork.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Wow... I'm scared at how much that makes sense O.o Heh!!

[eclective.livejournal.com]

I tend to be personally of the feeling that, well, if someone's "belief" in me saved them... I'd find it more than a little unsettling, yes, but I'd also be happy that, well, they'd apparently managed to get through hard times because of that. And I think while Tails would probably not see himself as a saviour, if he's been able to be a help to people, to have his image provide comfort in hard times, it's not a particularly bad thing...?

Because of your connection to Tails I can understand why it probably feels pretty creepy -- but I'm the kind of person who also thinks belief in fiction (which isn't as simple as it sounds; it's less an "I believe that [x] character is our Literal God", in most cases, and more sort of a... nebulous emotion felt towards them, a sense of "this is a good thing and gives me hope", that carries people through) can be a very positive force in people's lives. I've seen fandoms where this sort of belief in fiction was heavily frownded against and shot down, and I found those fandoms stilted, oppressive and unpleasant to be in -- nobody could seem to appreciate the magic in what they loved, nobody could *feel* intensely about it because they were too scared to invite ridicule; it just felt... dead. I'd much rather have a fandom that is thriving and unabashed about the fact that it gives people hope and inspires them than one that's too afraid to display anything other than detached, technical appreciation for the work in question.

So like I said, I can understand why it creeps you out, but I also don't think it's necessarily as bad as it seems.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh dear... I really feel like people are getting the wrong end of the stick here :\ I'm certainly not bashing on anyone's personal fandom or saying that they shouldn't be allowed to express themselves... I agree that it's a GOOD thing that people can do that! I've found so much freedom on the internet and in communities like that. I just feel really really weird being there. Just horribly uncomfortable, personally.

If people at TTR find it helpful to see Tails as some perfect Messiah-like figure who they can aspire to and draw inspiration from, I'm happy for them. If they want to practice meditations so that Tails will appear in their dreams, well... that's fine. Go for it.

I'd just rather not be around that kind of talk because it just makes me feel strange.

But please, don't think I'm being selfish or repressive ^^; My own love of fandom, and of Sonic, is equally deep in its own way. I don't worship Sonic or see him as some sort of God-like messiah, but I do dream about him and I do respect him and love him more than I could adequately express on any message board.

I guess I was just trying to explain why I hadn't been around on that forum. Please don't think badly of me? ^^;;

[eclective.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, no, I don't! Like I said, I can understand why it bothers you personally; I was just sharing my own opinion, because I know I've felt very strongly about characters in the past and it's meant a lot to me. But I don't think you're selfish or repressive or anything because you feel uncomfortable around it -- like I said, I also do understand that -- so don't worry about that.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh, alright... thanks ^^; I think sometimes maybe I don't word things right and I come across as sounding maybe... arrogant? Or anal-retentive at least... and it's never intentional. And I most definitely don't have any wish to prevent others from expressing their fandom in whichever ways makes them happiest! Fandom is a wonderful diverse thing, and I'm happy that so many people get joy from it in their own ways ^_^

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

I think it's good that you're spreading your wings and branching out to other forums, with people who may not even share the same interests as you. I actually started out on... I can't remember the forum name exactly, but it was one for general video gaming. So the opinions on it were completely and utterly mixed. I left the place though, as I was actually the only female on the forum, and things got a little bit uneasy for me.

I prefer general fandom forums than ones dedicated to a certain character/couple because I tend to like to see reasons why certain people like what I don't like, or don't like what I like. I suppose it can entirely depend really.

One of the main reasons UB is my favourite forum at the moment, is probably due to the whole gender issue. I was literally the ONLY girl on that old forum. Nobody actually knew on the forum until I told them (they thought I was a boy ^^;; )

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yikes... I can imagine it would be kinda awkward being the only girl at a forum dominated by male gamers ^^;

I agree, a bit of diversity is a good thing... and it's healthy to be exposed to different opinions and interests instead of just being mired down by a single 'safe' facet of the fandom.

[sullmaster.livejournal.com]

I don't see why you even need to prove anything to anyone Jai forum-related. Although I do regret how I handled the whole mess on TTR and had acted with disregard from one forum to another. And now that I've seen how other forums act I can understand where you're coming from better. But really, I don't even think you have to focus on "proving yourself" when you already do it. Or I just don't understand what you're talking about for your plan. Really, just be you. Is there maybe more to this that I'm missing that has to do with off the net? :/

As for treating Tails like a Messiah, I can't blame anyone for wanting to leave due to that case. It's a popular mindset for so many different gaming and television genres. I hear that a lot about Jack Bauer from "24" especially here on campus, but nobody takes it ever that seriously. I honestly think people online tend to appear more like they're joking than being serious. Come on, these are fictional characters we're talking about. Don't make them out to more than what they are x.x

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well, to me they are more than fictional characters... I have a deep and profound attachment to the fandom. But I simply can't see them as Godlike figures or put them up on such an untouchable pedestal where they shine as some holy beacon of light ^^; I can admire them and want to be like them and even draw inspiration and happiness from them... but I can't and won't glorify them as heavenly beings beyond fault, nor soley credit them for my salvation. They are important to me, perhaps even an important part of who I am... but they are not my religion.

Sully... I wanna apologise for not getting back to you after your attempts to contact me. I have to admit I just got scared... see, I've misplaced the gift card you gave me :\ I KNOW that I brought it with me when I moved from London to here... but in all the confusion, it seems to have gotten lost in my terribly disorganised excuse for a bedroom. It's here somewhere and I WILL find it before we move again... I'm just sorry that I don't have it to send back to you right now.

[sullmaster.livejournal.com]

It's fair to see them like that, especially when there are some that you can relate to on a personal level that you feel connected to the character. And that's good, I don't see anything ever wrong like that. If some made it into a religion, then yea that's just beyond bizarre x.x

Aw Jai don't worry. I just took it the wrong way and thought you didn't want to talk to me at all, and felt like giving up. I was feeling a bit down about it really :/ Just let me know when you find it and I can switch that for a VISA that you can use in the UK instead, ok? Hopefully we can catch up on AIM too, it's been a while since we last chatted

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, 'course I wasn't ignoring you or not wanting to speak to you... I just didn't wanna admit I misplaced your wonderful gift :\ I feel really bad about it, but I know it's here somewhere... I'm gonna do a HUGE spring clean of my room this week, so I'll probably find it then! ^^;

[sullmaster.livejournal.com]

Alright, sounds good. Keep me updated ^^

[sphix.livejournal.com]

Moving out of comfort zones is what keeps life fresh and worth living. I'm happy to hear that's you're moving out and on! ^_^

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Hehe, thanks Sphix! ^_^ ::Hugs::

[shaboba330.livejournal.com]

You're not obligated in any form to stay on TTR. That place was bad news from the day it even spawned the simplest form of thought, and if you feel like you want to leave, then I HIGHLY advise you to do so, post-haste.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww n.n; I know the way you feel about TTR, Matsu-chan... and there's really not much there for me anymore either, so I probably won't remain there for much longer.

[shaboba330.livejournal.com]

Indeed. But my own personal feelings aside, what really matters in the end is what you feel is best for you, so don't let any bias I may have sway any decision you make... ^^;;

Disill-chu-sioned.

[teamrodent.livejournal.com]

McGee: ^o0____Oo^ I was wrong to worship Jessie? The food I sent, the
shrine in Packer-mook's room, the letters written to Nintendo... All lies?

Re: Disill-chu-sioned.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh, no no no... Jessie is definitely to be worshipped, for she is indeed a beautiful goddess and worthy of endless praise and lavish gifts! ^___^

ill-chu-minated.

[teamrodent.livejournal.com]

McGee: ^on_______________no^ Thanks, Koji. ::To TRod.:: Ok, We can rent out the Mall of America for our Diva themed - Super Bowl party!

TRod: Yay!

[leonskennedy827.livejournal.com]

I never thought the people on TTR saw him as a saviour at all o.O I did stop going there but only because my friends did, and as for being over devoted to fandoms as a whole, and if you one day ever come round my house, while I may not have alot of stuff for just one particular fandom like you do, I do have it spread out across several, four sections out of 6 section shelving unit are devoted to fandom related stuff, one of them being the very top of the thing, and it holds my RC Dalek, Doctor Who figures, magazines *I collect Battles in Time and the Official Magazine* etc...(Oh, and the trading cards I collect which are held in my official TARDIS Card holder)and more, while the very bottom sections holds my Sonic stuff

So yeah, I couldn't say anything on the matter

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Your Doctor Who collection sounds awesome ^^ I've wanted the figurines and the TARDIS model for a while... Maybe some day I'll get 'em.

[leonskennedy827.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I would post a pic but ImageShack is being an asshat <___<

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

I feel you, my first forum (actually a chat place) was a Zelda site when the N64 version came out. We RP'ed there; that brought out the RPer in me for a while. It's long gone, changed over to NASCAR chat.

Then I found ddrfreak, then LJ. I don't know what brought out the writer in me, but I swear it was The WereWolf game over at ddrfreak and BemaniStyle. Storyline was important to me when I first started hosting. (Now, there's a HUGE list of hosts at ddrfreak - reason why I still go there - so it'll be a while before I host again.) Since TWG, I got into fanfiction completely. It really brought out the writer in me.

Fangirls like that are scary.
I'll admit, I do live by Zidane Tribal's quote: "You don't need a reason to help people." I love him as a character, but I would never see him as a God. Nor would I do that with Tails.

I keep my Tails keychain clipped to my jeans. He guards the evilness that wants to get me. :P It's sort of a habit now, to keep him there.

*hug Do what you have to do, Jai. I'll suppot you either way.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Hehe, thanks Tifa ^^

I always wanted to try The Werewolf Game, but it seems a little too complex and elite for me... I'd be scared to post ^^;;

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