~Who, who has stole mah horse?!~
Jan. 29th, 2007 03:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxMan, I give you money
If you tell me where's my honey?
Her hair is brown, the saddle is black
I love her so, I want her back!
XD <3 Captain Jack.
WHO HAS STOLE MAH HORSE??!! (XD It's not Eurodance. Just a REALLY stupid song that cracks me up :P)
My Japanese snacks arrived today! :D Two boxes full. I'm gonna have a tummy-ache n.n; (Jai does not practise moderation). Still waiting on the package from Jei with Yoshi's Island DS ;_; ::Pokes the delivery service::
Sooo... I wanna talk about something fandom-related, but I've gotta be careful ^^; Last time I expressed a fandom-related view, I kinda got jumped on o.o But yeah, this isn't really to do with a character... more to do with the fans n.n; So, where to start?
Well, first off, any of my friends who are TTR regulars have probably noticed that I'm back, posting a lot more, being actively involved again (particularly in the government area). You guys are probably also aware that I was planning to leave along with Lunar and Sull, who have both gone ahead and resigned their adminships... so why haven't I? Well, more to the point, why am I even an admin at a Tails forum in the first place? x.o
TTR was an offshoot from MF, another Tails forum, bigger, more well known. I joined MF for a simple reason... I felt safe there. When I first started exploring the Sonic fandom, I unfortunately ran into the nastier side of it first. The rabid SEGASONIC fanboys who, for the most part, seemed to hate Tails with a burning passion to rival the very bowels of hell themselves. And those that didn't actively hate Tails... well... ignored him. So when I first stumbled upon MF, it was with a wide-eyed innocence as I realized "Wow, there's a bunch of people who actually care about Tails and think he's cool!". And so I signed up and started actively posting there after Sull noticed me as a new member and encouraged me to join in. Ironically, I think I actually posted in the debate and real life forum areas more than the Sonic-related ones, but either way, I established myself there around about the time that 'the shit went down', as they say. No need to go into details, but there was a general discontent among my group of friends there, and eventually they branched off and started TTR in order to do things in what they hoped was a better and more diplomatic way.
So, TTR. I didn't join it because it was a Tails forum... I joined it because my friends had moved away from MF and were there. I was equally unhappy with MF, and so I joined TTR pretty early on too, but like with MF, I lurked for a while before I began posting. At the same time, several members of the staff there were looking to get some more staff, and had decided I'd be a good candidate because they already knew me and judged that I'm a reasonable and responsible poster. I'm not sure if there was an error of communication, but somehow I ended up as a global moderator before I'd even started posting. This was awkward, and understandably some of the existing members were a little hostile. History repeated itself a short while later, as my name came up again as candidate for a newly open admin position. This was given to me overnight, despite me not actually giving the go ahead and wanting a little more time to 'prove' myself, and once again I was left feeling awkward and inadequate... but over time I settled into the role, becoming more confident and being more involved in the running of the forum. To date, I don't think I ever implemented any big changes, but I have had my share of input in the forums design, running, and moderation.
So, why did I lose interest? Well, probably, to be honest, because I feel awkward there. Back then, I needed a safe place, but now I've grown and become bold enough to post in general Sonic forums, I kinda feel... I don't need to hide in a Tails-friendly forum anymore. And to be even more honest... some of the Tails fanatics at TTR scare me. Really really scare me. I think... a lot of the reason I feel weird about being there is because of them. I understand how entirely hypocritical it is of me to be weirded out by anyone's expression of fandom, considering my own expression of fandom has had me SomethingAwful'd, even. But the thing is, I'm not a Tails fanatic. That would just be... weird. I'm a Sonic fanatic, and Tails fanatics scare me ^^; Not all of them... mainly just the evangelical Tails fans, but there sure are a lot of them at TTR x.o I feel bad, but I just find it really creepy. It's almost like... they see Tails as some sort of savior, a Jesus-figure even. Like he's their messiah :\ Saying things like "Cheer up... no matter how bad your life is, just remember you have a friend in Tails!" and talking about Tails appearing to them in dreams... and how 'believing' in Tails has saved their lives... I... just get very weirded out and it makes me not wanna go there. Tails isn't some God-figure. He can't cure lepers with his touch, he's not gonna appear to you in some holy vision (unless you're high on something O.o), and quite frankly, he'd be scared out of his wits by the cult-like following he seems to have in certain little Tails-centric communities ^^;; So... that's why TTR started making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people expressing their fandom, and like I've said, my own expression of fandom has been seen as extremely odd in the eyes of many. But it all leads back to this - why am I back at TTR?
The answer is simple. I don't know. I think part of me is just... proud that I managed to establish myself somewhere. Proud that I'm a well-known admin on a forum that, whilst admittedly not huge, does have several hundred members in total (even if the vast majority are no longer active). Pathetic though it seems, I suppose I do feel a slight sense of wellbeing when someone PMs me or IMs me for assistance, whether it's to deal with a troll, move a topic, or if simply just asking for advice. I feel like I grew a lot in my time there. In the end, my reasons for being there have nothing to do with Tails at all, and at times I really wish that TTR wasn't a Tails forum. If it was a regular Sonic forum, I'd feel a lot less weird about being there. But as for now... I think the main reason I'm telling myself I'm still there is because right now TTR is going through a shift. Two admins have resigned, one has just been added, the moderators are being refreshed, and the forum itself is due to receive some aesthetic changes. And I guess part of me just wants to feel like I'm needed there.
Nevertheless, I have spread my wings. I post in other places now, such as UB and TSS, and I'm no longer afraid of 'haters'. I started an LJ community,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sonic_couples, that's enjoying moderate success, I inherited aosth_fans, and I co-maintain at knothole and sonic_rating. I post regularly in sonicstuff, and I have plenty of LJ friends. I've more than proved myself in that sense. I don't need to be uber-popular. This is plenty. I'm happy with this.
So, about TTR? I guess I'll stay at least long enough to try to help with a smooth transition. But then maybe I will finally move on and leave that safety net behind, and perhaps establish myself somewhere else where I don't feel so weird. ::Nod:: That's my plan.
Sorry for such a large, and mostly irrelevant, rant :\ I just had to get that off my chest ^^;
If you tell me where's my honey?
Her hair is brown, the saddle is black
I love her so, I want her back!
XD <3 Captain Jack.
WHO HAS STOLE MAH HORSE??!! (XD It's not Eurodance. Just a REALLY stupid song that cracks me up :P)
My Japanese snacks arrived today! :D Two boxes full. I'm gonna have a tummy-ache n.n; (Jai does not practise moderation). Still waiting on the package from Jei with Yoshi's Island DS ;_; ::Pokes the delivery service::
Sooo... I wanna talk about something fandom-related, but I've gotta be careful ^^; Last time I expressed a fandom-related view, I kinda got jumped on o.o But yeah, this isn't really to do with a character... more to do with the fans n.n; So, where to start?
Well, first off, any of my friends who are TTR regulars have probably noticed that I'm back, posting a lot more, being actively involved again (particularly in the government area). You guys are probably also aware that I was planning to leave along with Lunar and Sull, who have both gone ahead and resigned their adminships... so why haven't I? Well, more to the point, why am I even an admin at a Tails forum in the first place? x.o
TTR was an offshoot from MF, another Tails forum, bigger, more well known. I joined MF for a simple reason... I felt safe there. When I first started exploring the Sonic fandom, I unfortunately ran into the nastier side of it first. The rabid SEGASONIC fanboys who, for the most part, seemed to hate Tails with a burning passion to rival the very bowels of hell themselves. And those that didn't actively hate Tails... well... ignored him. So when I first stumbled upon MF, it was with a wide-eyed innocence as I realized "Wow, there's a bunch of people who actually care about Tails and think he's cool!". And so I signed up and started actively posting there after Sull noticed me as a new member and encouraged me to join in. Ironically, I think I actually posted in the debate and real life forum areas more than the Sonic-related ones, but either way, I established myself there around about the time that 'the shit went down', as they say. No need to go into details, but there was a general discontent among my group of friends there, and eventually they branched off and started TTR in order to do things in what they hoped was a better and more diplomatic way.
So, TTR. I didn't join it because it was a Tails forum... I joined it because my friends had moved away from MF and were there. I was equally unhappy with MF, and so I joined TTR pretty early on too, but like with MF, I lurked for a while before I began posting. At the same time, several members of the staff there were looking to get some more staff, and had decided I'd be a good candidate because they already knew me and judged that I'm a reasonable and responsible poster. I'm not sure if there was an error of communication, but somehow I ended up as a global moderator before I'd even started posting. This was awkward, and understandably some of the existing members were a little hostile. History repeated itself a short while later, as my name came up again as candidate for a newly open admin position. This was given to me overnight, despite me not actually giving the go ahead and wanting a little more time to 'prove' myself, and once again I was left feeling awkward and inadequate... but over time I settled into the role, becoming more confident and being more involved in the running of the forum. To date, I don't think I ever implemented any big changes, but I have had my share of input in the forums design, running, and moderation.
So, why did I lose interest? Well, probably, to be honest, because I feel awkward there. Back then, I needed a safe place, but now I've grown and become bold enough to post in general Sonic forums, I kinda feel... I don't need to hide in a Tails-friendly forum anymore. And to be even more honest... some of the Tails fanatics at TTR scare me. Really really scare me. I think... a lot of the reason I feel weird about being there is because of them. I understand how entirely hypocritical it is of me to be weirded out by anyone's expression of fandom, considering my own expression of fandom has had me SomethingAwful'd, even. But the thing is, I'm not a Tails fanatic. That would just be... weird. I'm a Sonic fanatic, and Tails fanatics scare me ^^; Not all of them... mainly just the evangelical Tails fans, but there sure are a lot of them at TTR x.o I feel bad, but I just find it really creepy. It's almost like... they see Tails as some sort of savior, a Jesus-figure even. Like he's their messiah :\ Saying things like "Cheer up... no matter how bad your life is, just remember you have a friend in Tails!" and talking about Tails appearing to them in dreams... and how 'believing' in Tails has saved their lives... I... just get very weirded out and it makes me not wanna go there. Tails isn't some God-figure. He can't cure lepers with his touch, he's not gonna appear to you in some holy vision (unless you're high on something O.o), and quite frankly, he'd be scared out of his wits by the cult-like following he seems to have in certain little Tails-centric communities ^^;; So... that's why TTR started making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people expressing their fandom, and like I've said, my own expression of fandom has been seen as extremely odd in the eyes of many. But it all leads back to this - why am I back at TTR?
The answer is simple. I don't know. I think part of me is just... proud that I managed to establish myself somewhere. Proud that I'm a well-known admin on a forum that, whilst admittedly not huge, does have several hundred members in total (even if the vast majority are no longer active). Pathetic though it seems, I suppose I do feel a slight sense of wellbeing when someone PMs me or IMs me for assistance, whether it's to deal with a troll, move a topic, or if simply just asking for advice. I feel like I grew a lot in my time there. In the end, my reasons for being there have nothing to do with Tails at all, and at times I really wish that TTR wasn't a Tails forum. If it was a regular Sonic forum, I'd feel a lot less weird about being there. But as for now... I think the main reason I'm telling myself I'm still there is because right now TTR is going through a shift. Two admins have resigned, one has just been added, the moderators are being refreshed, and the forum itself is due to receive some aesthetic changes. And I guess part of me just wants to feel like I'm needed there.
Nevertheless, I have spread my wings. I post in other places now, such as UB and TSS, and I'm no longer afraid of 'haters'. I started an LJ community,
sonic_couples, that's enjoying moderate success, I inherited aosth_fans, and I co-maintain at knothole and sonic_rating. I post regularly in sonicstuff, and I have plenty of LJ friends. I've more than proved myself in that sense. I don't need to be uber-popular. This is plenty. I'm happy with this.So, about TTR? I guess I'll stay at least long enough to try to help with a smooth transition. But then maybe I will finally move on and leave that safety net behind, and perhaps establish myself somewhere else where I don't feel so weird. ::Nod:: That's my plan.
Sorry for such a large, and mostly irrelevant, rant :\ I just had to get that off my chest ^^;
