Yeah yeah... :P

[flyboy_fox]

You know? All that stuff in my last angst-dump post... while it may be partially true, I think I know what actually upset me most. Getting that card from my brother and dad. It made me wish so much that I had a better relationship with both of them. Things just... went wrong from day one, before I was even born. This family was destined to split down the middle. I wish it could have been different. I would LOVE to have a proper father-to-kid relationship with my dad. I want a dad in my life. It hurts that I've never had that, and that my dad never made any effort. Even now, he's doing (or not doing) all the same things he's always done. And I'll bet he thinks sending me a card makes it all better. I wish it could. But it can't excuse his actions over 20+ years. I wish I had a better relationship with my brother too. I wish we weren't so dynamically different that things blew up so drastically when we were forced to be together for even five minutes. I wish I hadn't had to call the police one time because I was so scared of his wrath. I wish he were in with a better crowd. I don't believe he's evil, just misguided. Like me, in a different way, too stubborn to change his ways. I wish me and my mom hadn't had to move 150 miles away to put distance between me and her, and my brother and my dad. But we couldn't live together. We tried. So many times we tried and tried again. There were times when I was younger when my mom almost considered putting me or my brother into care because of how horrible life was when we all lived together. And my dad was never there, and when he was, he just made things worse. We fought so much. Things got smashed, broken, ripped up... we all got scratched bitten and bruised. We were just like one huge nuclear chemical reaction. We couldn't live together; we would have either killed each other... or ourselves. But I regret it so much. I wanted a family. At one time, I envied Jei so much because she has parents who got along and a sister who was also a friend to her... I've got over that childish jealousy, but I still wish my family could be more like that. If wishes were bi-planes (or Arwings, rawr!), Jai-ji would fly...

Helios suggested to me that if I'm lonely, a good thing to do would be to set up a post with screened replies where I could swap postal addresses with those of you who'd be happy to do that, so we can send each other cards and stuff at Christmas, birthdays, etc. And maybe just to write. To be honest... I've probably lost the few addresses I have of some of you guys (Lunar, Sully...), so it would be nice to get those again soon. I might set up a post like that in a week or so. I don't want to do it right now because I don't want anyone to feel pressured to send me belated birthdays cards or anything ^^; I'm not fishing for stuff. I'd just like to have a physical address for you guys so we can exchange physical letters and cards and stuff ^^ So... yeah... if anyone's interested, I'll set that up at some point.

Well, thanks for hearing me out. Byeee.

Comments

[sullmaster.livejournal.com]

No problem, I can give ya my address again if you'd like. Just send me an IM sometime and I'll give it to ya then.

Happy Birthday Jai and best wishes! n.n

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I set up a screened post for address-swapping, so you could post it there ^^ Thanks for the birthday wishes!

[shaboba330.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that your relationship with your dad and brother isn't as good as you'd like for it to be... I hope you feel better. Nobody should be angsty on their birthday :3 *huggles* if you need anything, just give me a shout =^-^= well, you know what I mean xD

Oh, and I never did give you my address, did I? o.o That needs to change very soon... I'll definately be giving it to you the next time we talk... I'd do it here but I don't want some random stalker to send me an instrument of biological warfare ^_^;;

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks for giving me your address yesterday, Matto-chan ^^ ::Hugs::

[shaboba330.livejournal.com]

No probs ^^ *huggles*

[leonskennedy827.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you feel that way dude, especially on your birthday ;____;

And did I ever give you my adress? I know yours (Obviously =P) but do you have mine?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

No, you haven't given me your address yet... but I've set up a post with screened comments so you could give me your addy there if you want to ^^

[lunarocean777.livejournal.com]

Indeed, I'm more than cool with the address swapping thing ^_^ IM, email, whatever, I'll get it to you however ya want. Then you can see my horrid handwriting :D

Happy belated birthday, by the way! I kinda couln't get on the computer in time, had lots to do in the past 24 hours, so sorry about missing it ^^;

As for the family thing...well, I'd never say that it's too late. Seeing how things've gone, prolly unlikely, but ya never know what the future will bring. That said, I know that eventually you'll get somewhere where you've got IRL friends all around that are more than willing to spend an entire day celebrating you - or, ya know, whatever other event is going on ^_^

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I've seen your handwriting already, since you sent me that gift that one time ^^ Anyway, screened address-swap post is up!

[psychicninja.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be allowed to swap real, physical addresses... my Mom simply wouldn't allow it. ^^;; But if you screen the comments, I'm pretty sure I could convince my parents to get you my e-mail. ^^

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, no prob about the address thing ^^ But if you gave me your email addy on the screened post I set up, that would be uber!

[tragic-elegance.livejournal.com]

i'd exchange addresses! letters from overseas are exciting. ^_^

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Awesome! Screened address-swap post is up!

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

I would love to swap address with you, Jai. :) That would be fun to write letters and things.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Address-swap post is up! ^_^

[helios-inferno.livejournal.com]

As said before, I already exhange letters with a friend overseas.
Therefore wouldn't see any problem in dping so with another.

We don't chat, and basicly only know each other through lj, but if you would like having mail contact with me I really wouldn't mind giving out my adress.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Cool ^^ I set up a post for it.

[teamrodent.livejournal.com]

::Nods:: It's the same when my aunt pulls the same crap on Grandma. She's had
enough of it.

(About the mail swap, I'll see about it. Grandma might be worried, no offence.)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

No prob, there's no pressure ^^

[twitchytwitch.livejournal.com]

I don't know my address. ^^; Or my phone number.
-has really bad memory-
I don't even know my full name!

And I'd have to ask dad for my address which... isn't fun.

But y'can always IM me if you've got MSN or Y!M (lamees_hassan on Y!M. ^^)

-glomps-

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, don't worry about it, Lamees ^^ No pressure.

Yeah!

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

I'd quite like to exchange addresses, but if I exchange phone numbers, ma parents may get suspicious. ^^;;

Well, letters aren't any biggy, are they? It's not like a telephone call or anything.

Look forward to it. ^^

Uzumaki

[twitchytwitch.livejournal.com]

Hey, Jaaaaai~...

What do you think of one of my favorite manga? ^_^

http://www.angelfire.com/super/Villains/Uzumaki/page_8.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/super/Villains/Uzumaki/page_12.jpg

http://www.angelfire.com/super/Villains/Uzumaki/page_13.jpg