~More than this~

[flyboy_fox]

An update on the America situation:

The most hopeful/feasible-looking option right now is looking to be the registered nurse option - thank you so much to everyone who suggested it (and for all of the other advice, suggestions and support!). I hadn't realized just how feasible it actually is until I talked to my mum and Jei about it. Since then, Jei's talked to her dad (who's a tech at a hospital, meaning he assesses, takes vitals, cleans up, that kind of stuff, making him VERY qualified to help us out here), and he's going to look into nursing colleges in the US - particularly NJ - and how to get into them. He also suggested talking to their family's friends Anne and Gisella who are a gay couple living in NJ. I dunno why we didn't think of contacting them before, but maybe they'll have additional insight into the situation. So, things are tentatively looking up and I'm allowing myself to be cautiously optimistic. Becoming a nurse isn't a passion of mine, but it's certainly not a career path that disgusts or intimidates me, so I'm more than happy to do that for a few years if it gets me residence and eventual citizenship in the US. It supposedly can pay fairly well too, and as long as I'm able to strike a work/life balance with Jei, I think it could work out really well. Just have to hope there's a good in.

The only alternative suggestion that been kind of... bothering me from both my mum and Jei's dad is the one about me marrying a random man to get US citizenship. Both have independently suggested it, and it really kind of creeps me out. There are few things that I'm really unwilling to do, but that's one that absolutely pushes the boundaries as to how far I'm willing to go. Honestly, if pushed to it, if it were my absolute last recourse, I would do it. But I don't like how casually the idea is being batted around, as though it's some easy quick fix that I should just leap at. Here are my issues with the 'solution':

- It's illegal. Whereas I might feel justified to say "the law is fucked up, so fuck the law!", I don't want to break a law. I especially don't want to break it in such a hugely deceptive and massive way. If I get caught, I'd likely never be allowed back in the US again.
- If I didn't get caught, I would likely feel guilty and traitorous for the rest of my life. It just feels ethically fucked up, sanctity of marriage or no. It would be a lie. I don't like lying.
- Most of all, it's a HORRIBLE thought. I love Jei, and the thought of pretending, even for a short while, to love and want to marry a complete stranger sickens me. Even as a simple civil marriage, no religious overtones at all, the thought of binding myself to a random person, most likely after paying them a large sum of money, just makes me sick inside. When I marry Jei, I'm not going to be doing it just for the rights. I'm doing it because I love her, and it's something special between the two of us. I really don't want to marry anyone else, even temporarily just for citizenship.

I think maybe the people like my mum and Jei's dad who suggest it so flippantly and casually aren't really thinking about it from the point of view of a person, in love, actually having to marry another person, lie to the judge, sign the book in front of witnesses, knowing it's all being done in bold-faced deceit... Yes, it's potentially a quick and easy fix and a way to screw with the system that's screwing with us, but it's just wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, before this dissolves into another whine-fest, I'll pick up again and reiterate that the nurse idea is looking good and that I'm really quite hopeful about it. My mum and Jei's dad and everyone else has been so helpful and optimistic and willing to do whatever they can, and I really don't want to seem ungrateful. I suppose it got to me most of all because it kind of felt like a way of saying "nothing else will work; this is the only way". I know that's not true, however, as this nursing idea is really showing promise. I can't let my own desperation blind me or make me so easily upset and fractious at the people who are doing so much for us.

I feel horrible for having such positive good news and yet still being in a horribly moody downcast head. I guess it's just been wearing on me for a while. An additional peeve is that when we visited the Citizens Advice Bureau earlier, it just HAPPENED to randomly be closed on that one day for some unknown reason. We'll get everything sorted in the end. I know I'm being a moody cow right now and I did say I wasn't going to blog when I know that I'm in a bad mood, but I wanted to update on the new hope that we have, even if I'm too tired and my nerves are too frayed to fully appreciate it myself right now.

But it's good news. It really really is. It looks promising.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

one previous anon here to throw in a few cents. if you marry a US citizen for this, they can check on you up to nine years after the date of your marriage; you will not be able to dissolve the marriage without getting citizenship another way, until you’ve lived in the US long enough to naturalize. If that person files for divorce they will deport you. you will need that person to come with you to the meetings, without fail, or they will become suspicious. they can ask for these meetings at any time and not at set or regular intervals. Normally people willing to do this fall into two categories: those that need money or to be supported, or other gays who need citizenship from you in reverse. Try looking for the latter, because if you can’t offer monetary incentive in the long term you run a large risk. I had a friend who married a man to give him citizenship in return for rent and she had to attend one of these random meetings five years later.

[(Anonymous)]

(they became suspicious because they were filing their tax returns in different states)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the additional information and insight, anon! It really is the very VERY last resort, if nothing else works, but I'm staying hopeful that it won't ever come down to that.

[eyes-on-stalks.livejournal.com]

That "getting married randomly to get citizenship" thing sounds like the plot of a crappy romantic comedy, actually.

However, i'm glad the RN thing is actually feasible. It pays quite well, and there are all these cool certifications you can get afterward to specialize in weird stuff. XD

No one can really blame you for still feeling crummy, though. Its a legitimately difficult situation, and a bit of good news isn't going to magically flip a switch and let everything be okay.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was the other cool thing about the nursing qualification - there are so many different types of nurse you can be or places you can work. It could really be quite interesting (:

[middy-the-fox.livejournal.com]

Definitely looks like the nursing route is the way to go. It sucks that this has to be so difficult for you =(
I'd suggest letting Miles and Scourge "pull some strings", but that probably wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved, much less legal. Lord knows what plots they'd generate. XD

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I don't think the nursing route will be too difficult, if it works (:

Yeeeahhh... putting this in their hands probably isn't the best idea. Don't really want to end up in prison or dead :P

[xenaeilonwy.livejournal.com]

Oh god absolutely not. PLEASE don't just marry a random dude just to get American citizenship. It. Is. Not. Worth it.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I don't plan on it.

The nursing option so far looks pretty optimistic, so I'm pursuing that as hard as I can (:

[xenaeilonwy.livejournal.com]

Good. (:

[tragic-elegance.livejournal.com]

Hoorah on the RN idea!
Boo to green card marriages. They never work out like you want them to, so I've heard.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It would be a VERY last resort, if at all :\

But yes, the RN idea really does look promising! ♥

[alycus.livejournal.com]

I wish you good luck, and hopefully you will never (need to) go to that last resort.

I'm just surprised that it's this difficult for an ordinary citizen of a European country to immigrate to the US legally.

If you're going to NJ, don't go to Camden. That place makes Detroit look like heaven itself.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good luck wishes (:

Yeah, it's pretty difficult... but with how many people are constantly trying to gain access (legally or otherwise) to the US, you can see why they're so strict about it.

Haha, okay ^^

[(Anonymous)]

I could not agree with you more about random marriages, creepy and wrong in every way. :shudder:

I wish you luck with the Registered Nursing option... that can be a... difficult.. path and you may get more than you bargained for, but I hope it will work out in your benefit. I hope it will end up being a blessing to you, and not so much just something difficult you have to do for the sake of love. Good luck.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I definitely would not do that unless I had exhausted EVERY single possible other option. It's something I'd like to avoid at ALL costs x.o

Just wondering, in what way is the RN path particularly difficult? I'm kind of excited about it in an odd way, really, although I know it comes with difficult duties at times, especially as a trainee. I like working with people and medical issues fascinate me... but I don't know enough about the field to know exactly how taxing it would be as a career. Any insight you have, anon, would be very much appreciated (:

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I guess it depends on what aspect of nursing you go into... but generally you're going to be dealing with a lot of people who are in a great deal of physical and/or emotional pain. You may see people die before your eyes, even children. You may see families going through the worst ordeals of their lives, and you may see people who don't have a soul in the world to be there for them during a time when they're scared and terrified of whatever is happening to them. It can take a strong will to be able to bear it, to be a comforting and nurturing presence to these people.

Also you're human and you're going to make mistakes, but in the medical professions your human mistake can cost a person their life, disable them, cause them all sorts of pain and suffering... it's something you have to be strong enough to live with, and it can be hard to function under that kind of pressure.

In addition to the emotional aspects of the profession, American nurses tend to be very overworked due to the nursing shortage. While the pay is relatively good, you might be working 12, 18, or 24 hour shifts with barely a break, and the breaks are frequently so short that it's often a choice between getting a snack or going to the bathroom because there's no time to do both, and then it's straight back to work.

Also the academic course is likely to be very difficult; there's an incredible amount of information to learn and it can be daunting even to someone who's very intelligent.

But despite all that, many nurses say that it's the most rewarding job in the world and they couldn't imagine their lives any other way. Who knows, maybe Destiny or Fate or whatever has brought you to this point because it's where you're meant to be, exactly where you're meant to use your talents and strengths. I hope so, and wish you luck and strength as you follow this path.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you SO much for that detailed and intelligent reply (: It's clear you have a lot of valuable insight into the path I'm looking into.

To be honest, your reply both daunts and reassures me. I knew there would be challenges, but seeing them plainly written out and stated this way confronts me with the absolute reality of what I may end up doing.

However, that reality is something that I CAN see myself doing and that I'm not _afraid_ of, even if I'm a little anxious. I think it's something that I could do. I've worked with disabled children and adults before and I really enjoyed it and got great satisfaction from whatever difference I was able to make. I know that I can't help everyone... sometimes I can do all I can and it won't seem to make the slightest difference. But if I do my best and know that I'm providing some help or comfort, I think that would be an incredibly rewarding career even if it's also exhausting and hard.

I also think that helping others will help me to centre less on myself. Particularly now, battling winter depression, I can feel that helping people genuinely less fortunate than myself might even lift me up out of my introverted and sometimes self-centred ways.

Thank you for giving me food for thought ♥ It's appreciated more than you know.