Feb. 3rd, 2011

flyboy_fox: (Why me? e.x)
An update on the America situation:

The most hopeful/feasible-looking option right now is looking to be the registered nurse option - thank you so much to everyone who suggested it (and for all of the other advice, suggestions and support!). I hadn't realized just how feasible it actually is until I talked to my mum and Jei about it. Since then, Jei's talked to her dad (who's a tech at a hospital, meaning he assesses, takes vitals, cleans up, that kind of stuff, making him VERY qualified to help us out here), and he's going to look into nursing colleges in the US - particularly NJ - and how to get into them. He also suggested talking to their family's friends Anne and Gisella who are a gay couple living in NJ. I dunno why we didn't think of contacting them before, but maybe they'll have additional insight into the situation. So, things are tentatively looking up and I'm allowing myself to be cautiously optimistic. Becoming a nurse isn't a passion of mine, but it's certainly not a career path that disgusts or intimidates me, so I'm more than happy to do that for a few years if it gets me residence and eventual citizenship in the US. It supposedly can pay fairly well too, and as long as I'm able to strike a work/life balance with Jei, I think it could work out really well. Just have to hope there's a good in.

The only alternative suggestion that been kind of... bothering me from both my mum and Jei's dad is the one about me marrying a random man to get US citizenship. Both have independently suggested it, and it really kind of creeps me out. There are few things that I'm really unwilling to do, but that's one that absolutely pushes the boundaries as to how far I'm willing to go. Honestly, if pushed to it, if it were my absolute last recourse, I would do it. But I don't like how casually the idea is being batted around, as though it's some easy quick fix that I should just leap at. Here are my issues with the 'solution':

- It's illegal. Whereas I might feel justified to say "the law is fucked up, so fuck the law!", I don't want to break a law. I especially don't want to break it in such a hugely deceptive and massive way. If I get caught, I'd likely never be allowed back in the US again.
- If I didn't get caught, I would likely feel guilty and traitorous for the rest of my life. It just feels ethically fucked up, sanctity of marriage or no. It would be a lie. I don't like lying.
- Most of all, it's a HORRIBLE thought. I love Jei, and the thought of pretending, even for a short while, to love and want to marry a complete stranger sickens me. Even as a simple civil marriage, no religious overtones at all, the thought of binding myself to a random person, most likely after paying them a large sum of money, just makes me sick inside. When I marry Jei, I'm not going to be doing it just for the rights. I'm doing it because I love her, and it's something special between the two of us. I really don't want to marry anyone else, even temporarily just for citizenship.

I think maybe the people like my mum and Jei's dad who suggest it so flippantly and casually aren't really thinking about it from the point of view of a person, in love, actually having to marry another person, lie to the judge, sign the book in front of witnesses, knowing it's all being done in bold-faced deceit... Yes, it's potentially a quick and easy fix and a way to screw with the system that's screwing with us, but it's just wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, before this dissolves into another whine-fest, I'll pick up again and reiterate that the nurse idea is looking good and that I'm really quite hopeful about it. My mum and Jei's dad and everyone else has been so helpful and optimistic and willing to do whatever they can, and I really don't want to seem ungrateful. I suppose it got to me most of all because it kind of felt like a way of saying "nothing else will work; this is the only way". I know that's not true, however, as this nursing idea is really showing promise. I can't let my own desperation blind me or make me so easily upset and fractious at the people who are doing so much for us.

I feel horrible for having such positive good news and yet still being in a horribly moody downcast head. I guess it's just been wearing on me for a while. An additional peeve is that when we visited the Citizens Advice Bureau earlier, it just HAPPENED to randomly be closed on that one day for some unknown reason. We'll get everything sorted in the end. I know I'm being a moody cow right now and I did say I wasn't going to blog when I know that I'm in a bad mood, but I wanted to update on the new hope that we have, even if I'm too tired and my nerves are too frayed to fully appreciate it myself right now.

But it's good news. It really really is. It looks promising.

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flyboy_fox

December 2011

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