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flyboy_foxI've been riding on the back of a huge wave of happiness over our wedding plans for a while, but finally cold hard reality has set in.
There is no way for Jei and I to live the life we want, together, in America. There is no way for me to become an American citizen. There is no way for me to escape the UK and the toll of this seasonal depression, year after year, destroying every good thing I start. Sunny Florida is a dream that can never become a reality.
Jei will have to move here. She will have to leave her family behind permanently (aside from visits as regularly as we can afford, of course). We will have to make do, even though it's not good for either of us. Jei will be apart from her family who are much bigger and closer than mine - she has a dear sister, both parents, and even most of her grandparents, as well as extended family. I have only my mum and a distant brother, and while I loathe the thought of leaving my mum alone, I feel that it would be much easier for one person to visit the States than for back and forth trips to America for both Jei and I or her big family. I won't get the sun and daylight hours I've dreamed of all my life. And our business idea really would take off better in America.
But we're gay, so I can't marry into American citizenship. It breaks my heart. If one of us were physically male, it would be so easy. I could go in on a fiancée visa, live there a little while, then we'd marry and I'd take the citizenship test. It would all be good. But no. As beautiful as America is, is lags painfully behind the UK on this one issue. I'm not wanted there as a citizen, as a loving partner to an existing American citizen, if I'm gay. I'm not even angry... just sad.
We've looked at all the other ways:
- Both the UK and Colombia (my two nationalities I can claim under) are excluded from the Green Card Lottery.
- I can't track my half-sister, who I know at one point lived in Miami and might have been able to sponsor me as family, because my dad fell out with her and no longer knows where she is or even what her last name is. (I've never even met her...)
- I have no 'exceptional skills' or major qualifications to offer.
I feel utterly annihilated. I can't bear the thought of tearing Jei from her home and her close family, or the thought of continuing with this misery up to 6 months of the year on account of my seasonal depression. I KNOW that I'm not a miserable depressed person by nature and I KNOW that I will be SO much happier and healthier in a sunnier place with warmer days.
But we're trapped, all on account of our genders. I don't usually whine about unfairness in regards to homosexual matters but in this instance I really do feel that it is NOT FAIR.
Having said all that, of course I haven't given up. We'll keep trying every avenue and hammering on every door. However, looking up blogs and sites about gay immigration had both Jei and I in tears. So many stories just like ours, all with the same hopeless ending with no resolve, no matter whether the couple have been together 6 months or 25 years (we've been together 10).
We'll survive no matter what we end up having to do, but fuck, it sucks ass.
There is no way for Jei and I to live the life we want, together, in America. There is no way for me to become an American citizen. There is no way for me to escape the UK and the toll of this seasonal depression, year after year, destroying every good thing I start. Sunny Florida is a dream that can never become a reality.
Jei will have to move here. She will have to leave her family behind permanently (aside from visits as regularly as we can afford, of course). We will have to make do, even though it's not good for either of us. Jei will be apart from her family who are much bigger and closer than mine - she has a dear sister, both parents, and even most of her grandparents, as well as extended family. I have only my mum and a distant brother, and while I loathe the thought of leaving my mum alone, I feel that it would be much easier for one person to visit the States than for back and forth trips to America for both Jei and I or her big family. I won't get the sun and daylight hours I've dreamed of all my life. And our business idea really would take off better in America.
But we're gay, so I can't marry into American citizenship. It breaks my heart. If one of us were physically male, it would be so easy. I could go in on a fiancée visa, live there a little while, then we'd marry and I'd take the citizenship test. It would all be good. But no. As beautiful as America is, is lags painfully behind the UK on this one issue. I'm not wanted there as a citizen, as a loving partner to an existing American citizen, if I'm gay. I'm not even angry... just sad.
We've looked at all the other ways:
- Both the UK and Colombia (my two nationalities I can claim under) are excluded from the Green Card Lottery.
- I can't track my half-sister, who I know at one point lived in Miami and might have been able to sponsor me as family, because my dad fell out with her and no longer knows where she is or even what her last name is. (I've never even met her...)
- I have no 'exceptional skills' or major qualifications to offer.
I feel utterly annihilated. I can't bear the thought of tearing Jei from her home and her close family, or the thought of continuing with this misery up to 6 months of the year on account of my seasonal depression. I KNOW that I'm not a miserable depressed person by nature and I KNOW that I will be SO much happier and healthier in a sunnier place with warmer days.
But we're trapped, all on account of our genders. I don't usually whine about unfairness in regards to homosexual matters but in this instance I really do feel that it is NOT FAIR.
Having said all that, of course I haven't given up. We'll keep trying every avenue and hammering on every door. However, looking up blogs and sites about gay immigration had both Jei and I in tears. So many stories just like ours, all with the same hopeless ending with no resolve, no matter whether the couple have been together 6 months or 25 years (we've been together 10).
We'll survive no matter what we end up having to do, but fuck, it sucks ass.
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 05:38 am (UTC)But I really feel you're not exploring all the angles. Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C., all have civil unions that, while not legally equal to a marriage, would at least acknowledge your status. You'd have to get remarried, but it's actually relatively painless to deal with. California and New York will both recognize unions performed elsewhere. If Jei gets work in any of those states, she can bring you in as her husband.
That is not and will never be good enough. As someone who actually does LGBTQ activism, I'm mortified to even be saying this. But...all I can ask is, give it time. In the meanwhile, get into the country. It goes without question that you can acquire a market skill-you're extremely smart and capable and no one has any doubt that if you set your mind to it you could do damn well whatever you please.
Finally, is there a legal process to change the "F" on your birth certificate to an "M"? In the US they'll only do it for people who've had sex-reassignment surgery (which is, of course, bullshit), but if the requirements are different for you you can exploit the loophole by changing your birth certificate and emigrating to the US.
The second failsafe suggested by that anonymous poster is a really really good idea. It doesn't take long to get certified (2-4 years depending on if you go for Certified Nurse or Register Nurse, but I've known people who get it in less time) and you'll be able to work anywhere.
And you know what else? If Florida won't recognize your marriage-fuck 'em. Move over together, live together, and help us fight the legal bullshit on this side of the pond.
*deep sigh* okay. I think I've ranted your ear off now. It's frustrating to see someone as capable, smart, and downright awesome as you getting discouraged. It's a pain in the ass roadblock, and it is gonna be a bitch to deal with it. But you can.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 06:48 am (UTC)My point is just that, yes, it's a shitty situation. But you are infinitely better than it, and I have full faith in your ability to make it happen. I'm going to ask around and see if I know anyone whose done what you and Jei are trying to do, and get some emails or other contacts for you.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 12:37 pm (UTC)There's no way to change my birth certificate without having a full sex-change, sadly.
I will look into the nursing situation however, and if you are able to find any contacts for me, I would be infinitely grateful (: Thank you so much.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-27 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-31 02:32 am (UTC)