I am so boring and predictable XD

[flyboy_fox]

Ugh. I start my new job tomorrow, 19 hours from now. I just wanted a nice peaceful weekend. But Miles sure took care of that, thankyouverymuch Miles >_>; Wtf was that all about? But I don't think I'll go into too much detail and bore everyone again with fucked up shenanigans...

I get the feeling that I should stop talking about Scourge and Miles (or at least, the headmate ones) in my journal, or at least do it less, or maybe even fix up a filter. Probably the last idea, actually. I've never wanted to lock any of my posts - what you see is what you get. But I do talk/rant/bitch about Miles (and occasionally Green over there) a LOT. I can't help it, since the past few months have been kinda shaped by our interactions with them and the crazy shit they get up to. Having a muse/soulbond/headmate/alter... thing in your head for the first time ever is a pretty life-changing concept and I'm still as intrigued now as I was when it first started happening. I'm getting used to it and understanding it better, but fuck, it's still the most crazy thing that has ever happened to me, and when another 'entity' is living half of my life (well, perhaps a little less than 'half', but still a large chunk of it), then naturally that's a big part of what I wanna journal about. Y'know, since I blog about my life and stuff that happens to me, and that is definitely a big part of it ^^;

BUT, I am also very aware of the fact that the people who read my LJ do so because they're MY friends, not Miles'. While I'm not deluded enough to think that too many people care too much about what I do, think and feel, I do believe that they care more about MY life than that of another person who just happens to reside here. I mean, if I'd started blogging almost exclusively about, say, a new roommate, I'm sure everyone would get bored pretty quick.

However, I'm not gonna want to stop typing this shit up any time soon. It's kinda cathartic and I do appreciate the feedback I get from the few people who do seem at least slightly interested. For the sake of everyone else, I've already been putting crazy headmate stuff under a cut so only things directly relevant to me are on full view. But perhaps it would be better if I whacked out a filter just for anyone bored enough to actually be interested in my headmate drama and kept it all off everyone else's friends pages?

I don't know. I just know that I start to feel guilty and tedious every time I mention Miles in a post of mine and I can picture the collective rolling of eyes when my f-list sees I'm talking about that again XD Also I don't really know how Miles feels about me always talking about him. I think he'd probably prefer me to stop. But if he's gonna be there then he's gonna get blogged about one way or another... especially when drama and wangst are involved >_>;

So yeah, feedback would be nice. I know that it's my journal and I should be able to type whatever the hell I want in it... but I also don't wanna alienate everyone or bore you all to death, so... heh. Maybe I just have a major case of USI for even thinking this is an issue... but yeah. Tell me, honestly (no feelings will be hurt), should I shut up about Miles (or at least create a filter for my posts about him and Scourge)?

Comments

[eyes-on-stalks.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on getting a job :3

i'm not necessarily your friend (i just friends-listed you cause i'm a huge Tails fan, and then when i started reading your journal entries i was like 'whoa, cool, i'll read these but not comment cause i'm a total stranger), buuuuut.....I don't think its a problem if you talk about Miles and Scourge. People who read this wanna know whats going on in your life, and so i think anything you wanna talk about is good.

And, the thing is, some people who read this may be more interested in your headmate stuff. That's what i'm mostly reading for, because i like to know that my weird experiences aren't unique. :/ guess i'm not very helpful.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I guess that's the flip-side of it... there are a few people who I met and friended because of fic'kin/soulbond stuff and therefore it's that which I have in common with them. I just always wanna strike a good balance because I know there must be people who are getting sick of Miles by now (this is hardly surprising :P). I also kinda worry that I look like an attention-seeker by posting so much about it - and so I would be perfectly willing to filter those entries if they're getting to be too much.

Thanks for your input (: So I presume that if I ever do make such a filter, you'd be happy to be on it? And thanks for the job congrats ♥

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Sorry - comment hijacking again - but who the fuck cares if you look like an attention seeker or not? It's your journal. Look at the crap I whine about on mine. Feck, if it's important to you, post about it. A journal is the few places where you CAN be self-indulgent.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well, it matters to me. I know that I can be a brat sometimes, but I'd like to keep that tendency in check. I suppose posting in any public journal with a 'friends' feature is an 'attention-seeking' thing at some level, and of course I do enjoy getting comments... but I don't post just for that reason, y'know?

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Well, you know how I feel. I want to know what's going on with him just as much as I want to know what's going on with you. :)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I guess since he doesn't post anything publicly any more, the only way you'll know is via me XD But of course my posts are pretty biased :P

[sletia.livejournal.com]

If he'd set himself up an e-mail I wouldn't mind corresponding that way.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I don't think that's gonna happen any time soon, to be honest. He doesn't have any interest in being contactable and I doubt he'd ever check his email anyway XD

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Then why did he say a couple times now he wouldn't mind getting an e-mail from me? X_x

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I guess he assumed you'd message me and he'd read it that way.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Well, if you don't mind doing it that way.. ^^; I could.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Is there something you particularly wanted to talk to him about? I mean, you've been wanting to email him for a while now. I'm just being careful. If he keeps his distance from the Internet, it kinda works better for me you know? XD;;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

No, not really. I just know it sounded like he wanted me to, so I wanted to toss a "hey what's up?" his way to let him know I'm available to talk to and am interested in still hearing about his point of view on things.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay. I'm not sure that it's a good idea right now, especially with me starting a new job tomorrow, but I'm sure if he ever wants to contact you he will ^^;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. Wasn't sure if he wanted me to be the initiator or not. ;) I'll leave it be. Good luck with the job! I swear there's nothing more nerve-wracking than a new job :(.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it x.o;; I'm so nervous I'm shaking and feel sick XD But I'm sure it will be fine...

[tangyabominy.livejournal.com]

I'm still interested, and to be honest I enjoy the Miles posts. I like seeing what's going on with you, and there aren't too many people in my life who'll devote a lot of time to talking about their characters these days. I kind of miss more people just being open about that, so it's nice for me.

And it makes sense to post about whatever direction your life is currently taking. I mean, if you were on a trip to Siberia, you'd probably be writing a ton about Siberia right now, and no one would really mind. It's just that that's "socially acceptable"... but I doubt your friends care about that. (Or at least, I doubt your real friends care about that more than they care about you. And some of us, at least, live in the realm of the socially unacceptable. :D)

tl;dr I think your ability to write about this openly is a rare thing these days, kinda precious, and you shouldn't give it up. (In return, my journal is gonna be all over the otherkin and RP stuff right now. I'd say I hope you don't mind, but I'm sure that it's fine. ...I never did link you to the Sialeeds stuff, I don't think. I needs ta do that.)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I do feel that it's a bit of a gamble being so open about all this crazy stuff, but... so far nothing terrible has happened ^^; I'm glad you take an interest. As I've always said, your replies are always very thoughtful and insightful (:

I've really enjoyed your posts lately too, especially the body mod stuff. Some really cool concepts and ideas... and yes, please do link me to the Sialeeds stuff, if you're still okay with that!

[tangyabominy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and given how long you've been open, and how blase you are about SomethingAwfulesque types... having them fuss over you is more or less the worst that can happen, I think, so I doubt anything will.

It'll take a while since none of it is tagged sensibly, but I'll do that soon. And thank'ye!

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I think the SA thing (and a VERY brief passing mention on ED that isn't even fic'kin related) is the only time anything has ever happened as a result of my posts, and even that was a long time ago now. There's the occasional troll, but nothing major. Of course I've tempted fate now XD

And thanks, that'd be great ♥

[minniemousegirl.livejournal.com]

Well, when I first stumbled across your journals, I didn't even know about your "Miles" situation. I liked reading your posts because of your love of Sonic and company. Hey, I also love my character "friends" like Sonic, Mickey, or whoever of my other faves who "stops by" in my imagination. I like you for you! :) yeah....i know it sounds corny.....

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, well that's nice of you to say (: I just hope I haven't been boring the heck out of you with all my silly headmate stuff lately ^^;

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to filter it really n.n I think putting it under a cut is fair enough, but for the most part I think most of your friends find it interesting to read.

GREEN OVER THERE? XD

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

"Interesting"? XD I guess Miles is that sometimes. Mostly just tedious >_> But yeah, I guess there's no need to make a filter if no one really seems that bothered. And if I do get too repetitive, then no one need feel obligated to keep watching my journal n.n; I wouldn't be offended. Just thought I'd throw the filter out there though, just in case.

GREEN. OVER THERE. IN YOUR HEAD.

GREEN. :D

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

He wants more meat. Another turkey leg perhaps.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

At least Scourge lets you eat D:

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Oooo... yeah. Tough break.

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

I don't think a filter is all that necessary. It's your journal, write what you want and all that nonsense. LJ-cutting the entry, if you're really worried, should suffice okay, in my opinion.

Oh, and best wishes for your first day. Hope it goes well!

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the input, Jade (: I'll probably just keep using cuts, then. And thanks for the well-wishes!

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I'll send you that email soon.
The stuff's been sent right?

And even if your entries are clogging up my f-list i still intend to read em' start to end when i actually get the time..

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Lookin' forward to the email!

The stuff? You mean the jacket and box? Yeah, remember I asked you a few days ago if it arrived in Newcastle yet and you said you'd find out?

Sorry for clogging up yer f-list X3;;

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Nah that's fine and the box arrived fine, dude..no worries..just need to call em'.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay, cool (:

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

I certainly don't mind you talking about this Miles.

We care about you, Jai!

And if he's been bothering you and you have nobody else to turn to, we will lend you our collective (and figurative, as we are only reading ^^;) ears.

Especially knowing it's cathartic for you and apparantly, my mind refuses to shut down the tie-everything-to-fandom section, as now Catharsis of Eternity is stuck in my head... brilliant.

Ahem. Yes.

Lj-cuts are all anyone could (or even should— it's your journal!) ask for.

Take this from someone who believes most firmly that roleplaying is less an exercize in creative writing and more a sort of controlled schizophrenia. Take this, also, from a person who on more than on occasion called out "taichou!" instead of "teacher" in class, entirely by accident. Oi...

And even the few times I said "Captain" in English instead, it was most likely not an English class.

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

Whyyyyy did the comment come out so long?

Darn spacing.

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

To whoever responded with that "what"—

I was mostly joking, dude. xD; Sarcasm's annoyingly difficult to pick up on when written.

Might've been bad form, in which case, I will apologize.

But you know how people who get wayyyyy too into their muses end up talking like them or dressing like them without making a conscious effort to, to the extent they sort of blur the line between them and their "pups". Doubly so with LARPers.

But yes, I'm sorry, that wasn't the best thing to say, was it? I'll admit that was a very stupid thing to do.

[(Anonymous)]

Take this from someone who believes most firmly that roleplaying is less an exercize in creative writing and more a sort of controlled schizophrenia.

what

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you don't mind :D Your input is always refreshing ♥ It really is cathartic to type it all up, and yeah it helps that people don't mind reading. But I don't do it FOR the attention - the replies I get are just a really nice bonus and help me out sometimes ^^

As far as the schizophrenia comment goes, I figured you meant it sort of as a metaphor for the extent that one's mind gets pulled in to the whole 'other world' you're playing, rather than a direct equation with severe mental illness ^^; But of course mental illness is a touchy subject. Nevertheless, I've often wondered if it basically comes down to a form of DiD/MPD, quite genuinely, not to mention the manic-depressive tendencies my muse has on top of that :P I think I'm basically a stacked box of borderline mental illness XD; I don't see the harm in joking about it, so long as one isn't belittling or underestimating how debilitating mental illness can actually be.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity after all. Where do you draw the line between creativity and illness? At what point does the speculative imaginary become indistinguishable from the real? I dunno. I've always been willing to accept the thought that all of it is just my own fragmented mind and imagination. Is it an illness? I don't know. I guess if it disables me, it is, and if it doesn't then it's not.

So maybe it's both XD;

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

♥; Aww, thanks! Then, I'll try my best to comment more.

Yes, that is what I meant. Of course, I don't mean to suggest mental illnesses are insignificant or trivial things.

That's an interesting perspective on things.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Sometimes laughing at ourselves and how messed up we are is the most healthy thing to do XD I'm not touchy about being called weird or being accused of being a bit on the dotty side. To most people, I look crazy, but so long as I can function in life (hold a job, have a family, not harm anyone - including myself) then what's the problem?