flyboy_fox

Round-up time! ^^

The good: Jei and I saw Toy Story 3 today, at long last! It was so awesome. I didn't cry at the end, but it was damn close... my eyes were stinging with almost-tears. The perfect conclusion to the saga, I thought ♥ We also hung out with Josh (SSMB's Urthheart / head of security at SoS) all morning and he bought us lunch at Wetherspoons (: He gets a massive staff discount there, but it was still awfully kind of him. Mmm, all day breakfast~

The great: I'm making some money on selling stuff, and it's working out pretty good (: I might actually be able to pay this month's rent AND pay off last month's from my credit card too! Assuming all these sales go through ^^

The bad: We missed all of the Bournemouth Air Show :\ We didn't get to come back to Bournemouth until Sunday late afternoon. Most of the show got pissed on anyway. Damn rain. I heard a lot of it was cancelled so I guess I didn't miss too much. Really had wanted to check out the [s]consoles, whoa![/s] stalls and vendors though. Aww well. Next year, eh?

The... yeah, well:

So, yeah. Miles and Jei's Scourge can apparently 'front' in person very well now. Scourge still does it a lot less often and for much shorter bursts. He's less intense and less all-or-nothing about it. There's a few things that will get to him, but mostly he's just really laid back and lazy, just watching the world go by through Jei's eyes, and interjecting whenever he sees fit. He and Jei seem to 'time-share' a lot more smoothly and easily than Miles and I. Miles tends to be very quiet for days at a time, then he'll suddenly decide to take over and he won't let go until he's quite done, which can be anything from a few hours to a couple of days. It can be pretty disruptive in some ways, but for the most part it's all right as he and Jei/Sonic get along okay.

I still get that exploring-this-world-and-this-life-for-the-first-time vibe from him when he fronts. He's generally a little clumsy for the first hour or so (well, more-so than my usual XD), and he definitely likes to do things that I don't normally do. He eats more fruit than me for a start ^^; Which in itself is an odd thing. I haven't eaten pears or apples with the skin on since I was a child, because I have a problem with my jaw that was identified when I was little, where my teeth don't meet correctly. So I've never 'been able' to eat things like apples and pears without peeling and cutting 'em, because I can't bite them or chew the skin properly. Or so I thought. Miles has no issue, however, so I guess the problem was actually entirely psychosomatic o.o My body clearly CAN eat un-peeled fruit. Lol. Thanks, Miles, I guess? Seriously. Have not 'been able' to do that, ever. Except that apparently I can =D Yay.

He also likes just walking and exploring. I'm a lazy fucker who sits at a computer all day and never exercises. Miles loves to go out and explore. For example, we were still in Bleadon, he was having a dialogue with Jei where he was being his usual arrogant self and telling her, disdainfully, that he didn't care much for this world and that it was boring him. So she told him that he's seen so little of it that he can't possibly judge it so quickly. So he decided right then to see more of it and just buggered off without her out of the house and walked to this hill up past the village that looks out over all of North Somerset. It was around sunset time and the view was magnificent. I found out that Miles, despite being a brat, IS perfectly capable of appreciating a really nice view. He seemed almost hypnotized by it, like he'd never seen anything like it before. I got the impression that there's not much like that left in his own world, or at least the world he claims to hail from. Then he was... uh... just kinda running all around up there, climbing over things and jumping on things and exploring like a little kid ^^; Apparently he's not afraid of the cows (and bulls!) who reside up there the way I am. They make me so nervous, but Miles is fine around them. I actually got the sense, for once, that he was really... happy, I guess. Just, really free and happy up there on that hill at sunset by himself. And since I hate to go for long walks or exert energy, I certainly don't have a problem with him doing that for me once in a while since he seems to like it so much :P

So yeah, that time worked out okay. But what's NOT okay is for him to use my arm as paper and sharp implements as a pen >_> Miles has serious issues over 'owning' this body and leaving a mark on it, I guess. But he also just kinda likes pain and bloodshedding, because he's a (non-canon x.x) psycho that way. He has a seriously deep ingrained sadomasochistic streak that kinda worries me, especially since lately he's been obsessing over getting himself a knife/dagger. But yeah. It pissed me off a bit because while I'm not _seriously_ injured, I do have gashes on my arm that don't look good and are gonna have to be hidden by long sleeves until they heal if I'm gonna get a job.

Now, I think anyone who's known me a while knows about my own history with 'cutting'. During the freak-outs I've had in the past, I've left marks on my face and arms by scratching them up pretty bad. But here's a confession - I'm a weak WEAK self-harmer. Here's what I've always done: Only scratched on the back of my arm, not the underside/wrist. I'm always afraid I might cut a vein if I did that. Only cut across, like ///// rather than down the length of the arm like ====. And, wussiest of all, only 'cut' by scratching over and over with a slightly blunt 'edge' until it's scratched raw like a graze and bleeds a little. That's how I've always done it. Afraid of pain, tentative, careful not to overdo it. It looks nasty, but it's not deep, just surface grazes.

Miles is so different :\ Or maybe he's just me without inhibitions. He's not afraid at all. He's obviously got issues, like me, but in a different way. He just slashes a neat line that breaks the skin instantly and draws blood, on the underside/wrist of my arm, and straight down the length. Like criss-crossing train-tracks down my arm. My arm looks worse than any times I've spazzed and 'self-harmed', yet there was no freak-out, no bad emotions, nothing. Just a very cool and calm logical methodicalness to it. I dunno why he needed to do that. It wasn't any kind of attention thing (even though by talking about it I guess I'm drawing attention to it myself? x.o), nor any kind of rage or sorrow thing. More like just a fun thing to do because he enjoys the feeling of pain, likes seeing me/himself bleed, and wanted to leave a semi-lasting mark on me I guess. WTF, bah.

I don't feel messed up or even that upset over it, since it looks worse than it really is and is just a bit sore. I'm just kinda pissed and concerned about how far he might go if he decides to randomly 'experiment' on me again, since he just doesn't seem to have the wussy pain and squeamishness barriers that I have. Please don't cut me again, Miles >_> It's totally uncool and you just seem like a silly little emo kid, as you don't have any reason at all to do it :P

I'm not going to let it become habit. Because it's stupid, unnecessary, and did I mention stupid?

Aaanyway, enough of that. I guess I'll get to bed now since we're off to look at sewing machines tomorrow so we can really get this doll-making business off the ground =D My mum offered to buy it for us, which was really awesome of her. Also, back to the Town Hall. And to the post office to mail out more stuff that people have bought! Yay! G'night, LJ~ (: