Get over it.

[flyboy_fox]

Guh... I had another one of those dreams where it felt as though I was dreaming for two people. I was holding (or trying to hold) a three-way conversation with me as Tails, me as Miles, and Jei. Talk about exhausting. I was dreaming so vividly and hard that when I woke up I was afraid I must have slept in and that I'd be late up, because it seemed like such a long deep dream. Plus I felt wide awake, like I couldn't sleep any more. Got up, looked at the clock, 8-something. Only been asleep four hours, lol. Oh well.

Jei and I had a nasty argument last night. I won't go into details 'cause it's not something I want to gossip about, but it makes me sad. Jei and I do bicker sometimes, like any couple would, but we very rarely have a full-blown fight like that. It felt terrible, and I haven't cried so hard or felt so low in a long time. I think things will be all right; she sent me an email after I left, and we both apologised for the things we said. But it never feels good when you fight with the person you love most in all the universe. I love you, Jei, and I'm sorry again.

I've had twinges of that depression coming back. Given that I came off my anti-depressant medication several months ago and have been here alone for over a month, I've done pretty well to keep myself afloat, but I can tell when I'm slipping. I think a good sign is when I go buy several bottles of vodka and several packets of painkillers as if I'm planning to do something stupid. It's not like an active plan, more like a fail-safe - like I have the stuff so that if things ever get too bad, I have a way out. But how cracked is that? I gotta pull myself out of this before I DO end up hurting myself.

Trouble is, I live in my head. In Jei's absence, I really do need to find something else to occupy myself. I really need a job. In the meantime I should be trying to get out on a regular basis, do some charity work or something. Of course, that requires effort and motivation, which I lack. I'm sure I'd become motivated and enthused if I just got out there and started, but starting's the hardest part, isn't it?

Right! Well, time to stop feeling sorry for myself and attempt to do something productive with these unusual extra hours of daylight! (:

Comments

[eclective.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can say too much here, since this gets close to personal territory that... I think I'd be a bit too biased to advise you on, probably. Responsibly, anyway. But I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you anyway, mmkay?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm kinda curious as to why you think you'd be too biased to advise me... Your advice has always been very good before. But I don't wanna push any buttons by trying to get you to talk about it if it's personal. Thank you for thinking of me (:

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Please get better. ;_; I've gotten really attached to you. I know you haven't been online lately for your own reasons but I've been feeling your absence.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, Sel (: Don't worry about me. I get like this sometimes, it's just how I am. I'll be fine.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

asdfghjk I have to worry about you! You're my friend! >_<

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

>_> Don't make me have to start poking your lynx-y ear-tufts... I'll do it!

[sletia.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better, you can poke them all you want. :>

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

Yes this, exactly.

Friends are allowed to worry about each other.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well there's no need to. I'm just venting, really. But thank you ^^ I do appreciate the concern.

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

No, only because we want to, Jai. That and we care about you too.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks... and it's good to hear from you, Jenn (: You're one of my friends from waaaay back online and it's a shame that we don't talk much any more. I hope you're well and that things are going okay ♥

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm still here. Was wondering what happened to ya on the AiM front (before the name change anyway).

I blame timezones. :P I did notice that after moving here, kinda got difficult talking to people.

I'm alright, Japan is awesome and wonderful, just the Navy part of it sucks badly. (Long story.)

But yes, do believe we've known one another for.. six years? Fff, the old Tails forum that I can't remember the name of at the moment.

♥

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Six years? Wow, I knew it had been a while, but that's crazy XD Hmm... Tails forum... well, I've only been on two, so it would either be the Mystic Fox Forums or TTR ^^

I've been real depressed over being away from Jei for just a couple months, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be having a partner in the armed forces. I do envy you for getting to live in Japan, though!

*Pokes timezones* Timezones are eeevil :P

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

TTR is ringing a bell here. So, think it may be that one.

I hear ya, being away from the one you love can be difficult. They take off yet again on Friday for a 'long time' for only being in port for six days.

Let's see, it's 9:21PM on Tuesday here. I believe it's a little after 1pm in the UK if I'm doing my math right. XD

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

13:24 at the time of posting, so, yep, you'd be absolutely right!

Any tips on how to occupy oneself and not go crazy from loneliness during a partner's long-term(ish) absence? ^^; What do you do?

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

I thought so! US side of things calls it 'military time' going by 12-24hours range.

Personally? For myself...

I'm a music nut-case. People have named me as the 'music dealer', but fff, it's noise. The house can get far, far too quiet while he's gone, even with our cat around. That said, I do love kidnapping my Zune and going out for walks, whether I need to go somewhere or not. Just the simplest walk helps a lot.

Games too. Last year, a month flew by when I nailed a 100% on FFIV:DS. RPGs tend to help with that. XDa;

Jobs are difficult out here to find, let alone to get. I don't know enough Japanese for that yet.

College? Been looking into online places, what the base has to offer will not help me get where I want to be in life.

What it boils down to; do whatever will distract you, even if for a little while. Walk if ya need to, write, read, play games, role-play, etc. ♥

But.... even with all of that, I'm gonna lie when I say I do have my days where nothing helps. It can get lonely even with all of that stuff I just listed. Every little bit does help though.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, makes me miss my cat... I know I'd be less lonely with him around (:

Those are all good strategies. I listen to a lot of music too, and you're right, it really does help ^^ I should bust out some of my games, too. Writing's another good one. I should do more of that.

I guess we all have our low days when nothing seems to help, though :\ But that's natural for anyone, I suppose.

Thanks, Jenn, it helps knowing I'm not alone in my situation ♥

[djtifabal.livejournal.com]

Aww, shame you can keep your cat around with you. We're incredibly lucky to have ours at the house, the landlord almost didn't let us bring him in. Purely for the fear of him scratching up some wood in here, but he's been fine.

I don't mind the quiet once in a while, otherwise, I do go nuts.

Yeah, it is kinda natural to have one of those days where nothing is helping.

Just another suggestion: Try doing a project for Jei, like... make something of the sorts. Anything that you know that will make her happy. What she likes, etc.

No problem, Jai. ♥ You're definitely not alone in this situation.

[alycus.livejournal.com]

All I can say is, interesting song choice.

Just joking, it's alright to be sad once in a while.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Heh, the song choice was quite intentional.

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

Getting out there is good. If you fancy a bit of voluntary work, see if you have a volunteer centre nearby, it's worth popping in there and asking around to see if anything interests you. Alternatively, if you're not motivated to go out, you can search this site for local opportunities. :)

If I had a lot of cash, I'd come to you and drag you everywhere in search of a way to occupy yourself (just kidding there, btw. I wouldn't be able to find my way around :P)

Sorry to hear about you and Jei as well. :( Hope things are all okay now.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the links, Jade! I'll try those out tomorrow. Jei and I are fine now. It was just a little patch of turbulence ^^

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

As long as things are all okay now, that's what matters. :)

Another alternative, as earlier suggested by someone else, is to occupy your mind by maybe making something nice for Jei for yourself. You have a computer, so you could do something pretty on that. Maybe write, you could get back into that poetry you wrote about before or something, idk. I have loads of unseen stories on my laptop, of times where I just write to take my mind off things. Maybe getting back into what you loved would be good? :D

Hahaha, I'm rambling again. Sowweh. ^^;;

I really need a job

[cfsenterprises.livejournal.com]

Question?

Why do people make a job the only source of income they have?

My wife and I have been in business for ourselves for over 20 years and have 8 different income streams and no jobs.

It just doesn't seem logical to rely on someone else for one source of income - a job - when anyone can create multiple income streams. Then if one slows or goes away you still have an income. They all don't have to pay you a lot of money but they add up nicely and it is a secure feeling.

Here's a couple of free sources of income we earn daily that anyone can do with Internet access:

1. Earn money daily for browsing the Internet, checking your email, playing games, watching videos or doing what you're doing online. It's a 4 step process to get setup, done with videos which makes it easy to follow, rewind, stop etc. Within the last video you will be offered a position in an ad co-op, DON'T DO IT. It's completely free to get setup and you'll make money today.

Take Step 1 Here: http://TiredOfJustGettingBy.net

2. Earn money by viewing email ads from Hit$4Pay advertisers. This is an easy one also just visit here: http://hits4pay.com/members/index.cgi?CFSEnterprises to get setup and start adding another source of income to your financial vehicle.

These are easy income sources and if you brainstorm I'm sure you too can come up with some local income sources in your area. Just for example here are some of the income sources we currently have:

Labor Services
Delivery Services
Assembly Services
Landscaping Services
Bookkeeping/Accounting Services
Income Tax Preparation Services
Painting Services
Cleanup and Organizing Services

Just to name a few.

The point - Build multiple streams of income and don't put all your income eggs in one basket. Would you rather have 1 $500 weekly income stream from a job or 50 $100 weekly income streams?

Take care and enjoy life.

Getting Older & Better Everyday

Chuck S.
http://TiredOfJustGettingBy.net
Chuck@TiredOfJustGettingBy.net

Re: I really need a job

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, Tails, spam!
*eats it*

Re: I really need a job

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

SPAM VORE IS THE NEW RULE 34.

*Stabs Fiona* >_>;;

Re: I really need a job

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Jesuth, don't abuse my icon! ;_;

*hugs*

[mattyj2009.livejournal.com]

Hello:

*hugs* I am so sorry to hear that things have been so stressful lately. Fighting with the one you love the most is no fun at all; I know from experience. Also, perhaps it would be best to go out and look for work; like you said, if for nothing else than to just keep you occupied.

Anyway, I hope things only get better from here on out. Know that I am thinking of you a lot lately, and I hope for the best of outcomes in your life right now.


~Matty