Uggghhhh dying...

[flyboy_fox]

Ugh. Today was a frustrating day for deliveries.

I was supposed to be receiving that Gyrocopter and the cross-trainer machine today. Neither arrived.

The cross-trainer was particularly frustrating. I was up until 9am last night/morning cleaning up the apartment so I'd have room to put it. I was woken in the early afternoon by the door buzzer. Aha! Delivery! So, I go to the door and instead of a large box, the guy has a tiny little packet for me. Confused, I sign for it anyway, thinking it must be something else that I ordered a while back. I open it up and it's the fricking batteries for the cross-trainer's display. I was woken to sign for a packet of 4 AA batteries. Urgh. So, I call up Argos and they tell me that the cross-trainer itself is delayed until Monday. Why they decided to ship the batteries separately and have me sign for them I DO NOT KNOW. This is made worse by the fact that I paid £3 extra to have them deliver on Saturday so that I could get started right away to give me a good distraction from sitting and drinking. Lame, Argos, LAME.

Then the Gyrocopter... They assured me I'd have it before Sunday. Promise fail. What if I actually DID intend to give it to my dad for Fathers' Day, huh? :P

Aaanyway. Yeah. Disappointing :\

I was doing okay this evening and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I started feeling really ill ^^; Shivering and shaking, dizzy, headache, stomach ache, and feeling sick. I'm not surprised. I have been treating my body like shit lately. Let's see:

- Drinking every night to the point of inebriation
- Drinking practically no water
- Eating only one meal a day, and the same thing each time with no variation
- Staying up 'til past 4am every night, sleeping all day 'til mid-afternoon/evening
- Not going outside or even opening the windows for air
- Spending 95% of my waking time at my computer

Seriously, the only surprising thing is that it took this long for my body to say "yo, fuck you!" and start hardcore complaining ^^; I feel a little better now that I've had some bread and some carrot and lentil soup.

I know, I know, why you still on kompyoota at past midnight, Jai? I'll get to bed soon. Jei and I worked out a 'schedule' earlier today to allow us both time off the computer and to factor in exercise and stuff. I'm going to force myself to do 30 minutes on the cross-trainer each day (in two 15 minute stretches), and one 15 minute floor exercise routine from this DVD Jei left with me. I think 10am is a good time to do it. Gives me time to get up, have a cup of tea and some breakfast, and start the day in style. I'm also going to walk more, starting with taking my CV into town and dropping it off wherever I can, as well as walking down to the Town Hall to enquire about housing benefits to help with rent while I'm (hopefully briefly) unemployed. Finally, I am going to do more stuff off-line. Like reading books. Used to read a lot, need to get back into it. I'm going to try to pick up some Asimov. I used to read him a lot. It's food for the mind.

I really do think I'll feel better if I do this. Living alone is no excuse to turn into a miserable and depressed hermit. I know I've made these promises to myself so many times... but I have actually splashed out on buying a cross-trainer machine, so I really can't afford to fuck it up this time.

Edit:



SHIRT WIN. I can has?

Comments

[eclective.livejournal.com]

Reading is good. Walking is good. Even if you don't have the cross-trainer yet, you have a DVD and you can work with that for now? Though I know it's disappointing, not getting everything set up like you planned.

Also, out of your list, I'd say that (aside from the drinking, obviously), good varied food and water are the most important things. As long as you're getting a decent length of sleep I'd say you're okay even if you're sleeping in the day (although it's not useful for being up and about and doing stuff), but you do need to give yourself nutrients. Especially if you're poisoning your body.

You really do have a lot going for you, you know. You've got an incredible mind, and even if things get you down sometimes, you don't let stuff, even the harsh negative opinions of others, turn you away from what really means something to you inside. There's a good strength of character there, and I think you're a valuable person for being able to see through the social gunk that clouds most people's minds and keeps them from really thinking.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I was actually feeling a little low when I wrote this entry, and that last paragraph of your reply actually made me tear up a little. It means a lot that you'd say those things about me. Validation and a sense of worth can do wonders (: Thank you.

You're right, I can start with the DVD tomorrow, and then on Monday I should hopefully have the cross-trainer. I'm gonna start bottling water and refrigerating it and making myself drink at least a couple of bottles every day. Eat my meals at set times. Set my alarm to get up by 9am even on days when I have nothing specific that I need to do. Little tricks like that should make it easier.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

It seems like the most important thing for you right now would be to get back into a daily routine you can feel satisfied with. Though, you seem to be getting on top of that already which looks like a good sign.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Let's just see if I can follow up words with actions. Words are the easy part ^^;

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

These words seem important enough to you that they appear likely to materialize into actions.:)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you for the vote of confidence (:

[eclective.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Those all sound like great things to be doing, and they should help. I'm really glad.

And hey, as for the last paragraph, I really meant it. You're one of the people I really enjoy reading because, no matter how strange it sounds to others, and no matter what people say, you're pretty uncompromisingly honest with yourself and you're not afraid to let other people see it. The world needs more of that. If we could all be more open about what was in our hearts, even when it seems silly or unconventional, we'd all be a little less judgmental of each other. And it's hard to be a pioneer on that front, and I praise you for it.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It's not really something I try to do... I would feel like a fraud if I were any other way. I don't wanna force my weirdness on others, but by the same measure, I wouldn't want to hide it just to be accepted. At least this way I know that people know me for me, and those who accept me as I am are true friends (:

I do feel I talk about myself too much, and that's because I'm an introvert and I live inside my head ^^; But maybe getting out into the world will help me to expand myself that way, too.

[eclective.livejournal.com]

Nah, it's not "too much". I always enjoy reading it, seriously.

But yeah. I think it does just come naturally, to people who are like that. It's still awesome, though. :)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's only fair to add that I always read your posts and find them highly thought-provoking and interesting, too. I really should comment more often, but sometimes I feel a little out of my depth. I don't think I'm as spiritual as you and I don't want to sound stupid ^^; But I do love to read what you write, even if some of it is a little over my head (: You seem to be very enlightened, which is a state I'd like to reach eventually...

Edit: Ridiculous typos don't help with the whole feeling intellectually inferior thing XD;;

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Goddamn delivery poop! I dunno why they even bother to say they'll get the thing there on time x.o except to lie to your face so you'll pay more money for a delivery time that doesn't exist. And the helicoper XD like you said, what if you WERE gonna give it to your dad n.n; you'd be screwed for father's day!

Anyway, yay for the routine! We both have to help each other stick to it! It's important n.n and more Asimov, definitely... so awesome!

XD; that t-shirt is great.. especially the last part... oh boy. I'm not talking to you anymore, me! -.-

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Seriously D: How can deliveries FAIL so much, all the goddamned time?! It gets frustrating. Especially when I'm waiting for that infernal buzzer x.x

We definitely have to get that routine started Monday! New week, new life n.n And yay for Asimov!

I love that shirt XD I want it so badly.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOnKCcjP8Qs This should be Miles' theme song while he's in your head.

[creepylilcuss.livejournal.com]

Fuck yes.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Well, hello there. Nice to meet you.

[creepylilcuss.livejournal.com]

The pleasure's all mine.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Always nice to meet villian otakin. We're rather sparse. Most everyone is "good" so I don't show my true colors as much.

[creepylilcuss.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well... give me a reason why I should waste my time with you. A lot of people claim to be evil but... when it gets down to the bone, they back out. I could crush my 'host'... would you like to see me do that...?

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Hi.

[creepylilcuss.livejournal.com]

Hello.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Miles Prower I presume? Nice to meet ya.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

@_@;; I guess that works.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Look up the lyrics. :P

Hello me... Meet the real me
And my misfits way of life
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back it's still a bit fuzzy
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story... Tell it to Reader's Digest!

Chorus
Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me, and
My air is getting thin
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm chomping at the bit, and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets.



Hello me... It's me again
You can subdue, but never tame me
It gives me a migraine headache
Thinking down to your level
yea, just keep on thinking it's my fault
And stay an inch or two outta kicking distance
Mankind has got to know
His limitations


Chorus
Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
I'm in trouble for the things
I haven't got to yet
I'm sharpening the axe and my
Palms are getting wet, sweating bullets

solo-dave

Well, me... it's nice talking to myself
A credit to dementia
Some day you too will know my pain
And smile its blacktooth grin
If the war inside my head
Won't take a day off I'll be dead
My icy fingers claw your back
Here I come again

Chorus
Feeling paranoid
True enemy or false friend?
Anxiety's attacking me
And my air is getting thin
Feeling claustrophobic
Like the walls are closing in
Blood stains on my hands and
I don't know where I've been
Once you committed me
Now you've acquitted me
Claiming validity
For your stupidity
I'm chomping at the bit
I'm sharpening the axe
Here I come again, whoa!
Sweating bullets

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yes, I already have a migraine thank-you-very-much n.n;; Aha... well... I guess it's pretty appropriate, huh?

[sletia.livejournal.com]

I thought of you immediately. It sounded like him talking to you. The lines "You can subdue, but never tame me" and "Yeah just keep thinking it's my fault" seemed to illustrate how you two interact.