Ugh.

I really overdid the alcohol on Saturday night. It was one of those things where I really had no idea how much I'd had to drink until after the event. I guess it was around a straight litre of 45% alc exported vodka. I thought I was fine, perfectly coherent, chatting and having fun online... sure, my inhibitions were shot, but I was having fun. Stayed up 'til around 10:30am, which is when Jei woke up, then as soon as I got up from my chair - FWOOMP. Totally paraplegic. Slept most of the day on the floor. An attractive sight? No. An embarrassment? Yeah. I keep telling myself I won't drink so much any more. I know I have a problem. I should drink to have fun and loosen up, not to get totally shit-faced and then spend the next day wishing for death because I felt so fucking awful. One of these days I'll wind up worse than just dehydrated and sick. I am definitely a binge drinker. It is not good. I don't want to brand myself an alcoholic, because that would mean never allowing myself to drink EVER. But if I can't control myself, I wonder what choices are left to me?

Peh.

Miles is back. Doesn't seem like he wants to be here. More like he doesn't have a choice. I feel kinda bad. Wonder if he'll stay.

I hate the thought that I need him. How can I still be fragmented like that after everything I accepted about me?

I guess Miles is still Miles, no matter what we have in common. Sorry, dude.