Zoombayay agowaya...?

Well, first off I'd like to say thanks to everyone who replied to my last entry ^_^ When I'm feeling down like that, you guys remind me that even though I don't have any 'IRL' friends right now, I have a LOT of friends and I'm not truly alone n.n Sometimes just that is enough to make me feel better. So thanks. And sorry for being all whiny and stuff :P Also... sorry if I didn't reply to your comment (I felt like I was saying the same things over and over ^^;), but I read all of them and they all meant a lot. Thanks again, all of you ^^

So, I'm feeling better today I think. I got my UCAS letter saying that my application has been sent off to all 6 Universities that I applied for, and now that I have an application number and a personal ID number, I can track my apps online and find out the decisions as soon as they're made ^^ Nothing like a 10-digit number to make you feel like a significant individual :P Hello, I'm 1004475797, who are you?

I was thinking about what to do with my immediate time, and my mom suggested volunteering. She mentioned The Heritage Trust, which does a lot of outdoor preservation work etc, so I might look into that. There's other volunteer bureaus too, so I'll definitely do some investigating. Also, I need to go out and get my hair cut at some point :P It's so long I can almost pull it back in a ponytail! XD If I want to stop feeling like a bum, perhaps I should make an effort to stop looking like one :P

I was also thinking a lot about the future - what I want to do, where I want to go, what I picture myself doing a few years from now... I think things will feel a lot more fulfilling once I'm at University. Sometimes I feel like I've already passed my sell-by date... that I'm too old. That's ridiculous! I'm only 21! I have my whole life ahead of me. I need to remind myself of that. I'm still young. I haven't used up most of my life already, there's still SO much ahead! I just have to use it, make the most of it, and stop clinging on to past regrets. I can move forward, but only if I let go of the past. I have a hard time forgiving myself for past failures, but it's something I need to do, or else life WILL pass me by. I only have one shot at this life, but thankfully I haven't left it too late - YET. Just gotta move onward and upwards now ^^

Jei was talking about maybe getting an internship in the UK when she finishes her art course at Du Cret ^^ That would be AWESOME. I'd still be at Uni, so it would fit in well. Perhaps we could even go back to America together afterwards and I could find work there. I'd love to be able to see her more often... if she was on an internship here, we'd maybe even get to live together! But if not, we could at least see each other on weekends, which is HUGELY better than the once or twice a year that I see her now :P

I WILL get a good job. I'm determined to have my own bi-plane one day. I don't care if I have to live in a shack, I WILL have my own 'plane! XD I've always wanted my own little airplane. A while ago I had my heart set on having an F16 Fighting Falcon jet, but even then it wasn't what I _really_ wanted. Don't get me wrong, jets are UBER cool. But I don't want a fighter. I just want something I can cruise around in n.n; A bi-plane would be perfect, even if they were mainly warplanes in the past too. I'm determined to get one. I'll get my bi-plane licence, just you wait and see! Which reminds me... that bi-plane flight/lesson thing for my birthday FINALLY got rescheduled :P It's in JULY!! Gah. But at least I'll get to have it and, hey, the weather should be good ^^

Meh, I do wish the days would hurry up and get longer again though. 4:30pm sunsets are very depressing >P

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Pffffth. So much for today being better :P Okay, I don't want to write another long whiny post, so I'll just sum up this evening briefly.

My brother went "off on one" again. Totally turned on me and my mom... started yelling abuse at us both and trashing the house. Calling me a spastic and insane as he always does when he's angry with me, and calling both me and my mom "kn*b", "c***" "d***head" etc... then he started throwing things, and blasting his music with his door wide open and screaming along to it. Then when my mom was in tears, my brother packed some stuff in a bag and told his friends that his mom had kicked him out (which is a TOTAL lie), and... well... left. So, we have no idea where he is... my mom's been crying all evening and saying she wishes she had a gun so she can shoot herself... and... blah... things just suck. I did what I could... I picked up all the stuff my brother threw on the floor, then I made my mom some fruit tea, then I cooked a dinner for me and my mom (I made a fish and potato bake, and cooked some vegetables to go with it). She was feeling too unwell to eat it, but she eventually ate it and she said it was good... and I stayed with her all evening and made her some hot chocolate... and washed up everything... and tried my best. But she's so unhappy and stressed... My brother is such a bastard sometimes.

x.x Gyah.