~Set me free and we will fly~

[flyboy_fox]

It may seem like such a small thing in the grey of everything that's happened over the past few weeks, but to me it's huge. People actually like my silly little drawings... This isn't a case of me fishing for compliments. Not at all. More a case of me just feeling somewhat awed and amazed by the fact that anyone would actually care enough about my 'art' to comment on it. To say it's good.

I'm had a huge complex about my artistic ability since forever. I wasn't born with a single artistic bone in my body, and at school I struggled so hard in art classes. My illustrations were pathetic, horrible, mangled things that didn't deserve to see the light of day. The lowest point for me was during high school. I went to a grammar school, which meant it had to keep up with league tables, and so they needed to assure solid grades from all of their students. Therefore, I wasn't allowed to take Art GCSE. They didn't think I could achieve a pass. I wasn't good enough. I think that was what completely broke my confidence in my ability to EVER be able to draw.

But I didn't stop drawing. I never showed anyone my stuff (except for Jei, eventually), but I drew and I drew and I drew... I started by tracing and then copying, and eventually I started drawing freehand again. My work was still horrible, but I persevered, no matter how frustrated I got at never being able to get the pictures to come out the way I saw them in my head. I confess I've had times of more than a little envy when I see the masterpieces that Jei so effortlessly produces... her rough sketches look as professional as her finished products. But it was never about being a super artist like her. That's just something I never will be. But I wanted to at least be able to draw what I felt, and for it to at least have some passing semblance to what I intended it to be.

My art will never be 'great' by any true artistic standard. But I do see an improvement. I can look at my stuff and think that while it's not wonderful, it'll do. It's okay. It's passable. I doubt I'll ever feel that I'm good enough to put my drawings on an art site like DA, but at least I feel like I can show my friends and they won't laugh or ignore it. I'm finally at a stage where I can look at something I drew and think "actually, that came out alright", and be happy with it.

Comments

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

I can definitely understand why you'd feel inadequate...I know from experience that one's self can one's worst critic.

So, while I don't think it'd be kind of be to insist too blunty of your greatness...I still get this sort of awe from looking at your art. I guess this'll sound kinda odd, but...when I look at the difference between how you feel about your art and the way it looks...I think of a person who's drop dead gorgeous but can't seem to see it for themselves.^^;;

So, yeah, it must feel odd to hear me say that.XD But I hope it felt somewhat encouraging.^_^

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well... I'm not sure how to reply to that ^^; So hopefully slow blinking and a stunned expression will suffice. You're too kind, Blaze, really :) Thanks.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

No prob Tails.^_^ I have a habit of thinking people I like they're cute when they're confused...you're no different.^^

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

I've always been told to take the view that art is merely expression, and there is no such thing as bad art. Meh... I do, apart from my own work. I guess it's true that you are your own worst critic. But still... I don't lie when I say your stuff is pretty good Jai. I'm not that artistic either... meh, I always say it's my sister that's the artsy one. Which is true... but I seldom look at something I've drawn and think "Hey, that doesn't look TOO bad!"

As proved in the Rayman Raving Rabbids minigame "Bunnies can't grasp anatomy"... we also found out that shadowdingo can't grasp anatomy. XD The only thing I have to say to that is that rather annoying scream those damn rabbits do. Ho hum really.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I think it's harder to have faith in you own artistic ability when there's people close to you who ooze artistic talent ^^; When you see 'artsy' people's stuff, especially from siblings or close friends, it can make you feel like your own stuff is inadequate in comparison. But I think your overall view is right. There's no such thing as bad 'art'. If you express yourself via art, then it's art, regardless of how professional or sloppy it is :)

Never played Raving Rabbids myself, but I always thought the games looked like crazy fun XD

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Oh darlin'.
Myself, I draw for therapeutic reasons.. I know my art isn't the best, but it makes me feel good.
I think that's all you should focus on. :)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I agree :) That's why I kept on drawing even though no one else would ever see. 'Cause I was doing it for my own enjoyment and really nothing more.

[leonskennedy827.livejournal.com]

Like I said on your last entry before this one, I do most definatley think you've improved :) I myself suck at drawing but it doesn't really bother me, it's not something I aspire to do. I'd LOVE to be able to do it, don't get me wrong, but like they say, you can never see or do eveyrthing.

keep up the good work, Jai ^.^