~Set me free and we will fly~
Jan. 17th, 2008 03:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxIt may seem like such a small thing in the grey of everything that's happened over the past few weeks, but to me it's huge. People actually like my silly little drawings... This isn't a case of me fishing for compliments. Not at all. More a case of me just feeling somewhat awed and amazed by the fact that anyone would actually care enough about my 'art' to comment on it. To say it's good.
I'm had a huge complex about my artistic ability since forever. I wasn't born with a single artistic bone in my body, and at school I struggled so hard in art classes. My illustrations were pathetic, horrible, mangled things that didn't deserve to see the light of day. The lowest point for me was during high school. I went to a grammar school, which meant it had to keep up with league tables, and so they needed to assure solid grades from all of their students. Therefore, I wasn't allowed to take Art GCSE. They didn't think I could achieve a pass. I wasn't good enough. I think that was what completely broke my confidence in my ability to EVER be able to draw.
But I didn't stop drawing. I never showed anyone my stuff (except for Jei, eventually), but I drew and I drew and I drew... I started by tracing and then copying, and eventually I started drawing freehand again. My work was still horrible, but I persevered, no matter how frustrated I got at never being able to get the pictures to come out the way I saw them in my head. I confess I've had times of more than a little envy when I see the masterpieces that Jei so effortlessly produces... her rough sketches look as professional as her finished products. But it was never about being a super artist like her. That's just something I never will be. But I wanted to at least be able to draw what I felt, and for it to at least have some passing semblance to what I intended it to be.
My art will never be 'great' by any true artistic standard. But I do see an improvement. I can look at my stuff and think that while it's not wonderful, it'll do. It's okay. It's passable. I doubt I'll ever feel that I'm good enough to put my drawings on an art site like DA, but at least I feel like I can show my friends and they won't laugh or ignore it. I'm finally at a stage where I can look at something I drew and think "actually, that came out alright", and be happy with it.
I'm had a huge complex about my artistic ability since forever. I wasn't born with a single artistic bone in my body, and at school I struggled so hard in art classes. My illustrations were pathetic, horrible, mangled things that didn't deserve to see the light of day. The lowest point for me was during high school. I went to a grammar school, which meant it had to keep up with league tables, and so they needed to assure solid grades from all of their students. Therefore, I wasn't allowed to take Art GCSE. They didn't think I could achieve a pass. I wasn't good enough. I think that was what completely broke my confidence in my ability to EVER be able to draw.
But I didn't stop drawing. I never showed anyone my stuff (except for Jei, eventually), but I drew and I drew and I drew... I started by tracing and then copying, and eventually I started drawing freehand again. My work was still horrible, but I persevered, no matter how frustrated I got at never being able to get the pictures to come out the way I saw them in my head. I confess I've had times of more than a little envy when I see the masterpieces that Jei so effortlessly produces... her rough sketches look as professional as her finished products. But it was never about being a super artist like her. That's just something I never will be. But I wanted to at least be able to draw what I felt, and for it to at least have some passing semblance to what I intended it to be.
My art will never be 'great' by any true artistic standard. But I do see an improvement. I can look at my stuff and think that while it's not wonderful, it'll do. It's okay. It's passable. I doubt I'll ever feel that I'm good enough to put my drawings on an art site like DA, but at least I feel like I can show my friends and they won't laugh or ignore it. I'm finally at a stage where I can look at something I drew and think "actually, that came out alright", and be happy with it.
