Jan. 26th, 2011

Wah wah.

Jan. 26th, 2011 12:36 pm
flyboy_fox: (I has a sads ;_;)
I've been riding on the back of a huge wave of happiness over our wedding plans for a while, but finally cold hard reality has set in.

There is no way for Jei and I to live the life we want, together, in America. There is no way for me to become an American citizen. There is no way for me to escape the UK and the toll of this seasonal depression, year after year, destroying every good thing I start. Sunny Florida is a dream that can never become a reality.

Jei will have to move here. She will have to leave her family behind permanently (aside from visits as regularly as we can afford, of course). We will have to make do, even though it's not good for either of us. Jei will be apart from her family who are much bigger and closer than mine - she has a dear sister, both parents, and even most of her grandparents, as well as extended family. I have only my mum and a distant brother, and while I loathe the thought of leaving my mum alone, I feel that it would be much easier for one person to visit the States than for back and forth trips to America for both Jei and I or her big family. I won't get the sun and daylight hours I've dreamed of all my life. And our business idea really would take off better in America.

But we're gay, so I can't marry into American citizenship. It breaks my heart. If one of us were physically male, it would be so easy. I could go in on a fiancée visa, live there a little while, then we'd marry and I'd take the citizenship test. It would all be good. But no. As beautiful as America is, is lags painfully behind the UK on this one issue. I'm not wanted there as a citizen, as a loving partner to an existing American citizen, if I'm gay. I'm not even angry... just sad.

We've looked at all the other ways:

- Both the UK and Colombia (my two nationalities I can claim under) are excluded from the Green Card Lottery.
- I can't track my half-sister, who I know at one point lived in Miami and might have been able to sponsor me as family, because my dad fell out with her and no longer knows where she is or even what her last name is. (I've never even met her...)
- I have no 'exceptional skills' or major qualifications to offer.

I feel utterly annihilated. I can't bear the thought of tearing Jei from her home and her close family, or the thought of continuing with this misery up to 6 months of the year on account of my seasonal depression. I KNOW that I'm not a miserable depressed person by nature and I KNOW that I will be SO much happier and healthier in a sunnier place with warmer days.

But we're trapped, all on account of our genders. I don't usually whine about unfairness in regards to homosexual matters but in this instance I really do feel that it is NOT FAIR.

Having said all that, of course I haven't given up. We'll keep trying every avenue and hammering on every door. However, looking up blogs and sites about gay immigration had both Jei and I in tears. So many stories just like ours, all with the same hopeless ending with no resolve, no matter whether the couple have been together 6 months or 25 years (we've been together 10).

We'll survive no matter what we end up having to do, but fuck, it sucks ass.

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