So, yeah... ^^;;
Nov. 15th, 2006 09:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxI'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Well I guess that's okay then o.o
Sorry for lack of updates latelynot that anyone's noticed, I'm sure.
Some of you who've been on my friends list for a while will know that I occasionally suffer from moderately severe depression. I say 'moderate' rather than 'extreme', because to put it in perspective, I'm not suicidal and I'm still able to mostly function. But it's not been good lately. Yesterday I had a small breakdown at college. I dragged myself to class and managed to get through the first half of Sociology (a class I normally enjoy), but I started feeling worse as the lesson progressed. I know some of you know what depression is like... it's not just about feeling 'low'. It can be quite frightening. My mind was playing tricks on me, cycling some quite scary repetitive thoughts obsessively through my head. When it got to the point where certain things in the lesson were triggering those thoughts and they were really taking over my entire thinking process, I got pretty scared. During the mid-lesson break, I called my mom up in tears and told her I felt sure I was going insane, and could she come and help me. She said she'd try to get away from work at lunchtime... I didn't force her to come immediately because the Children's Centre where she works is having its OFSTED inspection this week, and they're SO busy. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I went to reception and asked if I could speak to a counsellor. I then spent the next part of the morning in the welfare office sobbing uncontrollably while the REALLY nice welfare officer talked to me while we waited for my mom. My mom managed to slip away early and come to the college, and I talked with her and the welfare people for a little while. I collected my work from class so that I can finish it at home for next week, and I went back with my mom to the centre, where I waited in the staff room for a bit, and then talked with the support lady who works there. She gave my mom a couple of names of psychiatrists that she said are really good. There's such stigma attached to seeing a shrink, but if it helps... Anyway, my mom took me home after that then she had to go back to work. At home, I felt so drained and listless, I just lay in bed and slept on and off until my mom got home again. Then we called NHS Direct to ask for advice, and I spoke to a nurse who was kinda... cold. She didn't really help, but it was worth a try anyway. Then I had dinner, despite not being hungry, and came online for a tiny bit. I ended up going to bed much earlier than usual. I feel a little better today, and my mom said I could go in and help her and the staff at the centre later by doing some computer work for them if I want to. I might... it'd be good to get out of the house, I think.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor the day before yesterday actually, before things got as bad as yesterday. He immediately prescribed me antidepressants without even hearing me out or checking my medical record. He also told me they're 'perfectly safe; you could take the whole pack in one go if you wanted and they wouldn't harm you'. Uh-huh. I'll remember that for when I have a bad day >.> He also spouted a lot of other bullshit, and laughed in my face when I asked if there was any chance of getting a referral. Nice. I have lost my faith in the NHS. Too bad private care is so expensive. I'll try to manage by myself then.
Anyway, that's about the gist of it.
Oh! I went to the Weston-super-Mare Illuminated Carnival on Monday night. It was AWESOME o.o I've never seen such amazing floats... the photos don't do it justice, it was superb. Plus, I bought a pack of glow sticks! :D Glow sticks are fuuuun. :P So yeah. That was cool ^^ I'll definitely go again next year.
Guess that's it for now. I'll try not to neglect LJ so much ^^; ehh.
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Well I guess that's okay then o.o
Sorry for lack of updates lately
Some of you who've been on my friends list for a while will know that I occasionally suffer from moderately severe depression. I say 'moderate' rather than 'extreme', because to put it in perspective, I'm not suicidal and I'm still able to mostly function. But it's not been good lately. Yesterday I had a small breakdown at college. I dragged myself to class and managed to get through the first half of Sociology (a class I normally enjoy), but I started feeling worse as the lesson progressed. I know some of you know what depression is like... it's not just about feeling 'low'. It can be quite frightening. My mind was playing tricks on me, cycling some quite scary repetitive thoughts obsessively through my head. When it got to the point where certain things in the lesson were triggering those thoughts and they were really taking over my entire thinking process, I got pretty scared. During the mid-lesson break, I called my mom up in tears and told her I felt sure I was going insane, and could she come and help me. She said she'd try to get away from work at lunchtime... I didn't force her to come immediately because the Children's Centre where she works is having its OFSTED inspection this week, and they're SO busy. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I went to reception and asked if I could speak to a counsellor. I then spent the next part of the morning in the welfare office sobbing uncontrollably while the REALLY nice welfare officer talked to me while we waited for my mom. My mom managed to slip away early and come to the college, and I talked with her and the welfare people for a little while. I collected my work from class so that I can finish it at home for next week, and I went back with my mom to the centre, where I waited in the staff room for a bit, and then talked with the support lady who works there. She gave my mom a couple of names of psychiatrists that she said are really good. There's such stigma attached to seeing a shrink, but if it helps... Anyway, my mom took me home after that then she had to go back to work. At home, I felt so drained and listless, I just lay in bed and slept on and off until my mom got home again. Then we called NHS Direct to ask for advice, and I spoke to a nurse who was kinda... cold. She didn't really help, but it was worth a try anyway. Then I had dinner, despite not being hungry, and came online for a tiny bit. I ended up going to bed much earlier than usual. I feel a little better today, and my mom said I could go in and help her and the staff at the centre later by doing some computer work for them if I want to. I might... it'd be good to get out of the house, I think.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor the day before yesterday actually, before things got as bad as yesterday. He immediately prescribed me antidepressants without even hearing me out or checking my medical record. He also told me they're 'perfectly safe; you could take the whole pack in one go if you wanted and they wouldn't harm you'. Uh-huh. I'll remember that for when I have a bad day >.> He also spouted a lot of other bullshit, and laughed in my face when I asked if there was any chance of getting a referral. Nice. I have lost my faith in the NHS. Too bad private care is so expensive. I'll try to manage by myself then.
Anyway, that's about the gist of it.
Oh! I went to the Weston-super-Mare Illuminated Carnival on Monday night. It was AWESOME o.o I've never seen such amazing floats... the photos don't do it justice, it was superb. Plus, I bought a pack of glow sticks! :D Glow sticks are fuuuun. :P So yeah. That was cool ^^ I'll definitely go again next year.
Guess that's it for now. I'll try not to neglect LJ so much ^^; ehh.
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 10:35 am (UTC)Either that or someone else that will listen and can help out in some way, if even advice.
For thos derpessions you have from time to time have a source, it may be just general low selfesteem or small realisations of life not going the way you want it etc.
But either way, when you find out the root of those depressions you can also be helped with them, antidepressants may all look nice but are generally not healthy no matter what the docter said to you about them.
Besides they don't solve the problem truly, only supress emotions in general or give you a sort of "high" feeling so you basicly get up to the clouds and don't think about it for a moment or so.
Certainly hope the psychiatrist proofs helpfull, otherwise at least try writing things off that's troubling you or talk about it if possible.
Éven if minor problems, when you get them out it will make you feel better and especially if you happen to find a solution for it.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 10:45 am (UTC)The trouble is, the doctor told me that no psychiatrist will see me unless I take antidepressants, because if I refuse to take them, I'm apparantly not willing to get better x.x Which is rubbish.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 11:05 am (UTC)Well then, you just ask for a psychiatrist and when they ask if you use antidepressants you say yes.
As long as you use them only when things get really bad, you still use them..thus it isn't a lie, merely you left out a detail they didn't ask and you try to avoid.
Though they may ask that thing as well.
Either way, doubt they really want you to take that much of them so if it really is no option to somehow sneak your way out in getting a psychiatrist then you may just have to in a low dose.
I'd also try making an apointment with the psychiatrist in a more direct way, without intervention of the docter, as the opinion of the psychiatrist himself may differ a lot from what the docter thinks or says.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 11:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 11:21 am (UTC)Well it still is mostly caused by the docter's attitude in this case, and when it comes to docters they can be a pain like that here as well (and you need to pay for it, even health insurance only pays partially the costs).
Though this is mostly caused by those who go to the docter without anythign actually being wrong, just paranoia of thinking somethign is wrong.
It happens a lot, so most docters long in the field are very iritated of such patients and thus doesn't always take everythign as seriously as they should.
(so yes, it happens at times they find out something to late)
Guess healthcare never is perfect no matter how they try to organise it, even if it's free or not though it mays til be a factor.
I hope you do get a refferal to a psychiatrist though, friends could try to help but sometimes things are better in professional hands.
(to which I not always neccesarily mean qaulity, but more that it can sometimes need more active and direct treatment rather then an online friend or so.. plus it is generally time consuming and will need to be done in person to be really effective)
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 02:42 pm (UTC)Oh, god... Yuck. I'm so sorry.
I wish I could say something inspiring, but I'm kinda lost for words. ;_;
And that doctor was the biggest crapface. XO
PS, OOOoooo, pretty lights! I can only imagine how pretty the carnival must've been in life. ^^ *HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 04:19 pm (UTC)I'm glad you're feeling better. I've been in classes when things like that have happened, and where I've wanted to leave but I had to just kinda dissociate myself from it.
It's good that you got help, though. It helps when you talk to someone.
That carnival looks awesome! I'm glad it was fun!
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 05:45 pm (UTC)And yeah, the carnival was spectacular ^^
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 10:43 pm (UTC)But how's your cat doing? Did they get into the vet? (I dunno why I remembered to ask this, randomly.)
0.0 glowsticks... Excellent.
And we're all here to talk pretty much always. Yay for LJ! Get feeling better, eh? *huggles!*
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 11:04 pm (UTC)Fox is doing okay. Last I heard, the lump on his neck went down and he's eating again. I wish they'd had him checked out, just to be sure... but at least it seems he's alright.
Eh, you've got more on your plate than I have right now ^^; I hope things work out okay for you, and ditto on the being here to talk thing :P ::huggles!::
Physican, STOP medicating thyself!
Re: Physican, STOP medicating thyself!
Date: 2006-11-16 08:44 am (UTC)Re: Physican, STOP medicating thyself!
Date: 2006-11-16 09:27 am (UTC)Jamie: You'd be better off with Hugh Laurie as your doctor, Mr. Koji. :/ Just squeaking.