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flyboy_foxI'm working on the looong post about me and Jei last week ^^; It's taking a while. But I'll get it up on LJ soon.
I'm wondering if I come across sometimes as annoyingly simpering and/or subservient sometimes, and then uptight and condescending at others :\ It worries me, because other people are mainly laid back and don't seem so concerned about the 'right' way of doing things. Whereas I'm very concerned. And I'm not just like that with strangers... while Jei was here, it even extended to her. She ends up having to ask me if it's okay for her to check email on my computer or even get a drink, because I'm so anal about 'rules' ._. One time she took a soda from the fridge without telling me she was going to, and I got really weird and made her feel bad for not asking :\ I hate that about myself. I want her to feel comfortable in my home, so she can feel that she can use things and 'live' here like a family member. Because she IS family.
And then, I was in college the other day, and I needed to get my enrollment finalized, so my tutor ended up having to help me out after the class. I felt really guilty for taking up her time, because it was her 15 minute tea-break and it's about the 5th time she's had to take time out to help me with this (I enrolled late, so all my paperwork had to be done in bitty pieces), so I was apologizing profusely, telling her I was sorry for being an inconvenience again, and she said "I'm going to hit you in minute". She said it in a joking way, but it did make me think that sometimes I can be annoying. I kinda have issues with being anal retentive and overly obsessed with politeness sometimes. If it makes me seem like a servile sycophant at times... well... that's just eww :\ And if it makes me seem like I have a stick up my ass at other times, well, double eww x.x I don't want to be that way at all. I wish I knew how to be more casual about things.
I think I'm just horribly anal retentive, obsessed with rules and the 'right' way of doing things, and totally unable to chill out x.x
I'm wondering if I come across sometimes as annoyingly simpering and/or subservient sometimes, and then uptight and condescending at others :\ It worries me, because other people are mainly laid back and don't seem so concerned about the 'right' way of doing things. Whereas I'm very concerned. And I'm not just like that with strangers... while Jei was here, it even extended to her. She ends up having to ask me if it's okay for her to check email on my computer or even get a drink, because I'm so anal about 'rules' ._. One time she took a soda from the fridge without telling me she was going to, and I got really weird and made her feel bad for not asking :\ I hate that about myself. I want her to feel comfortable in my home, so she can feel that she can use things and 'live' here like a family member. Because she IS family.
And then, I was in college the other day, and I needed to get my enrollment finalized, so my tutor ended up having to help me out after the class. I felt really guilty for taking up her time, because it was her 15 minute tea-break and it's about the 5th time she's had to take time out to help me with this (I enrolled late, so all my paperwork had to be done in bitty pieces), so I was apologizing profusely, telling her I was sorry for being an inconvenience again, and she said "I'm going to hit you in minute". She said it in a joking way, but it did make me think that sometimes I can be annoying. I kinda have issues with being anal retentive and overly obsessed with politeness sometimes. If it makes me seem like a servile sycophant at times... well... that's just eww :\ And if it makes me seem like I have a stick up my ass at other times, well, double eww x.x I don't want to be that way at all. I wish I knew how to be more casual about things.
I think I'm just horribly anal retentive, obsessed with rules and the 'right' way of doing things, and totally unable to chill out x.x
