Arggg reading this entry brought me back to my days in 2008. Not your fault of course, but I do commiserate for sure. Mine wasn't caused by lack of sun, it was caused by a chemical imbalance ignited by several super stressful situations at once (namely going to India, and graduating and being tossed into the Real World with no real warning about how much it was going to suck). They called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, like the kind that Vietnam Vets get. I know it sounds silly, but if I ever told the story it would make more sense.
I understand how it feels: that teetering on the edge of pure panic, wanting to claw your way out of your body just to try to find safety. It's dark, scary, and way overblown to anyone that listens. But it's real enough on the inside.
I had to go on some meds and get therapy for nine months and a year respectively (and concurrently so it was a year total) to fix the chemicals in my head, and then learn to deal with my anxiety-prone nature in the future so that I wouldn't let it get back to that way ever again.
I know your situation is different, but though it might make you feel better to know there are others who have felt this way, and so therefore believe you when you talk about it. It's tough, but I'm sure you can get through it. There's always that brighter side, you just have to get there! :)
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Date: 2011-02-11 08:20 pm (UTC)I understand how it feels: that teetering on the edge of pure panic, wanting to claw your way out of your body just to try to find safety. It's dark, scary, and way overblown to anyone that listens. But it's real enough on the inside.
I had to go on some meds and get therapy for nine months and a year respectively (and concurrently so it was a year total) to fix the chemicals in my head, and then learn to deal with my anxiety-prone nature in the future so that I wouldn't let it get back to that way ever again.
I know your situation is different, but though it might make you feel better to know there are others who have felt this way, and so therefore believe you when you talk about it. It's tough, but I'm sure you can get through it. There's always that brighter side, you just have to get there! :)