Bleh~

[flyboy_fox]

I guess it's that time of year again.

I'm going to try to man up about it this time around, but to be honest it frightens me. That crushing feeling of sadness and emptiness that just seems to come out of nowhere is hard to deal with, especially after a summer of really feeling rather good.

I'm a little more nervous this year because I made the decision to forcefully come off my 'meds' earlier in the year, I dunno how many people remember. I stopped taking them one day, deciding that I didn't want to rely on anti-depressants any more, went through a shit-ton of withdrawal and finally came out the other end feeling like a stronger happier person. Now winter is closing in upon us again and I'm afraid that I'll do a lot worse without that 'help'. This is the time of year when I've done less-than-stellar things before, due to the huge and rapid dip in my mood.

Jei being back at Uni all day and me being jobless and alone doesn't help... but it's up to me to do something about it, right?

I tend to feel crippled by this unexplainable sadness and hollowness that makes me feel like I don't even want to buy food for the next week because I don't deserve it or I won't be around to use it. It's ridiculous. It's just serotonin lacking, same as every other winter when the nights draw in early and there's much less daylight and much less sun. I know logically WHAT it is, but that doesn't help when I find myself curled up in a foetal position crying again.

Gosh, I sound so emo when I talk like that. I hate that. I'm not 'emo'. I'm just one of many MANY people who are affected by the seasons and suffer a form of depression in the winter months. Feeling sorry for myself is the lamest least productive thing I can do. I wish I knew how to just shake it off. I feel so guilty.

Comments

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

I don't know what you could do to make yourself feel better, but, um, if it's the cold, how about curling up in a blanket and drinking some hot soup or cocoa with the little marshmallows in it?

Rent a comedy and watch?

Have any friends you could invite?

Read a good, captivating book that you can lose yourself in?

... I don't know if you'd have the drive to do any of those things feeling like that, but you could always try, right?

I'm sorry I can't be of anymore use to you...

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww :) Thanks for the suggestions... ♥

if it's the cold, how about curling up in a blanket and drinking some hot soup or cocoa with the little marshmallows in it?

I've got a hot water bottle on my lap already and am drinking some delicious mocha~ Definitely a good/comforting thing!

Rent a comedy and watch?

Hmm, Jei and I still have a couple of movies we wanna watch... maybe I'll ask her if she wants to see one tonight when she gets home. She's getting sushi for us tonight ^^

Have any friends you could invite?

Sadly that's not an option ): I don't know ANYONE in Bournemouth except for a couple of Jei's friends, but they're at Uni all day with her too and they're more her friends than mine. I suck at going out and making friends. I'm not at college and I don't have a job, so I just don't meet anyone ever ^^;

Read a good, captivating book that you can lose yourself in?

Definitely another good idea. I need to get some more books...

Anyway, thanks so much. I really appreciate all the suggestions. You've always been a really good friend to me and it means a whole lot ♥

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. ^^

I'm glad I could help, even if it's just a little bit!

Aww, I don't know if I'm really deserving of such praise, but thank you!

-hugs-

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the drive-by comment but

HOOOOORAY BLACK JACK ICON ♥

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

OHMIGEWDNESS! -facesquish-

S-SO YOU MUST BE THE FRIEND JAI MENTIONED LOVING BLACK JACK! X33

More love for the unlicensed genius surgeon! ♥

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Lol, yes, Mel was the particular person I had in mind when I mentioned to you that I had friends who also love Black Jack XD;;

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* You do deserve it (: Having good friends really is an important blessing ♥

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

♥!

So awesome!

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

Why yes that would indeed be me. My LJ layout and mood icons (and almost all my icons) used to be Black Jack themed, even. XD I still love the surgeon, though~ wish I could get my hands on more of the Vertical manga. I only have 3 issues!

Yessum, much love~! And awesome to see a fellow fan around these parts!

I just wanted to use this icon. |3

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

You can't get me out of your mind.

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

Fff, I've finally given myself a non-boring profile just recently, and it's (Seinen) Black Jack-themed! :D

Waaah, I really love Vertical's translations, even if they render Pinoko's speech oddly (VIS had a similar problem; but I guess it's hard to convey her impediment and save up on space... xD; ), they're just so good!

I really enjoyed the samples on their website...

♥

Re: I just wanted to use this icon. |3

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha ♥

Honest though? Even though I know I don't seem to comment much on your posts and we don't talk much (sadfaic), I still consider you one of my good friends ^^ I'll try to comment more. I'm sorry for being lazy D:

Re: I just wanted to use this icon. |3

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

Awww! Don't worry about it Jai, same here for not being able to comment or talk much, and considering you a good friend 'round LJ. I was just kidding about the mind thing. XD You know me, I'm the last person who gets uppity about getting comments.

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was really weird reading Pinoco's lines in Vertical's translation. Is it just me though, or is Vertical's translation rather stiff at times? I'm thinking of the story "Hospital Jack" - I think they had the basic underlying message down, but Black Jack's final line felt drastically more dramatic in VIZ's translation (oddly enough) than Vertical's. *_*

And I just realized Sevy is our mutual friend! XD

[inkedfeathers.livejournal.com]

Vertical's version of Pinoko sounds like Tweety bird. x3;

I didn't get to read that one in their translation (I've read like... about eight or so chapters translated by Vertical), so I don't know! ;_; That might be true, though!

:3 She iiiiis!

Say, are you part of the dr_blackjack community too?

Also, I do hope we're not bothering poor Jai by spamming his journal like this... aha, maybe we should move this conversation elsewhere? xD;

[dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm part of it, though I haven't been active in any online communities in general due to being more invested in real life.

And woops, Jai, sorry about that! XD If you want, my <a href="http://dia-aren-marie.livejournal.com/32733.html'>spam post</a> is open for... spam. XD

[(Anonymous)]

From an anon with lots of friends that suffer from SAD:

-You are right in not feeling guilty. This affects a lot of people around the world, you're not emo, you have a different chemical make-up from other people.

-Go buy some vitamin D and make sure to take it regularly. One reason so many people get down during the winter months is the body is not getting enough vitamin D from lack of sun. This too when it is sunny, go outside. (Don't forget your coat! :P)

-Consider getting a Light Box (http://store.lighttherapyproducts.com/index.php/products-for-seasonal-affective-disorder/light-boxes/sun-touch-plus.html). Unfortunately they can get expensive. :/

-Keep in contact with people. Social interaction whether online or in RL helps.

I hope you feel better!

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment, helpful Anon (:

I imagine SAD is hugely prevalent in countries with winters with greatly reduced daylight hours - I KNOW that sunlight improves my mood greatly!

Vitamin D - good idea. I'll check at the health food shop this weekend.

I do actually have a light box. I used it to treat my winter blues back when I was in high school. Sadly, I left it behind four hours away back home when I moved to Bournemouth. Bloody thing is huge and heavy, so it'd cost a fortune for my mum to send it to me, so I may have to wait until I visit her at Christmas before I can collect it.

I really wish I wasn't isolated here. Real life friends would be a great incentive to be social and do stuff, but I really don't know anyone here.

Thank you for the advice and well-wishes, Anon. It's deeply appreciated (:

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

You'll pull through...I know it, trooper

[way-past-cool.livejournal.com]

Here I go a-commenting back as far as I haven't commented XD; oh dear. I'm so lame.

Anyway, we'll get through it shmoo. I'll do everything I can to give you good things to look forward too. n.n Nuu emo.