Fuck that shit. No more.

[flyboy_fox]

Yeah that bottle of Cointreau was a bad idea.

Maybe if I ever got hangovers it'd be enough of a deterrent that I'd stop drinking like this. Sad that I even think that way. I should stop because it's a bad thing, not because of a headache, pff. Kinda telling that at 1pm the next day I still feel ever-so-slightly woozy, like the drink didn't wear all the way off even now.

I can't blame Miles either, even if he was technically the one drinking this time - it's my body and I could have at any point said "okay that's enough, stop it". I have far more bad habits than him anyway and alcohol is just as much my weakness as it is his. I should just not BUY booze if I can't be reasonable about drinking it and if I can't stop voices in my fucking head from deciding they want to get slaughtered on a near nightly basis. I should have known it was a bad idea when Jei suggested having a drink with Miles last night when we were sampling the Cointreau because she wanted to talk with him. She wanted to help him figure shit out, since all of the crazy shit from the other day. And hey, now almost a full bottle of Cointreau is gone because he was very happily drinking it like it was water and shit my memory doesn't usually blank but last night is fucking hazy after a while.

Fuck, I woke up and Jei isn't even in the house. She had to go to an exhibition today about a statue she's been asked to make for them. I should have been up to help her get ready. My own fault. I feel so fucking guilty.

Fuck that shit, man. Fuck it to hell. I'm not buying anything harder than a single little bottle of Magners or Bulmers cider from now on. Maybe I'll go fucking tee-total. Sorry Miles, you won't like that... but you're always on my case about my health. Sure, I can eat better, drink more water, exercise and get off the computer for longer... but drowning my liver in alcohol isn't good for my health either. Why are you so much more sensible about some things than me, then completely irrational about others? Scourge would insist that you're a junkie and you need SOME excuse to be fucked up. Is he right? Maybe if you WERE more canon you wouldn't be such an idiot. But heck, I'm just as much an idiot. Worse really.

I had the beginnings of an alcohol problem even before Miles came along. Wtf is my problem? My neighbour died of liver disease... No. My neighbour KILLED HIMSELF at the age of forty-something and left a note because he was slowly dying from liver disease and couldn't stop drinking even then. His only release was death. I could say I'm fine, that I'm not like that, but how does it start? It starts JUST LIKE THIS. A habit that was already easy to pick up with my addictive personality, and slowly and steadily got worse over time, especially during the almost-three-months that Jei was away and I was drinking about a bottle of vodka every couple of nights. Now I can barely go out without itching to buy something new to try or an old staple.

I like being tipsy, but often I overdo it because I don't wait long enough before taking another gulp. And then there's my little headmate Miles, who likes getting DRUNK, as fast and as hard as possible. He won't use mixers or drink anything with a 'paltry' alcoholic content. Like it's not proper drinking if it's not at least 35 - 40%? So stupid. He makes my habit even more dangerous. He just wants to get out of his head... or maybe out of mine. Maybe he does it because it's easier to push me down that way. Maybe he thinks it gives him more control. Or maybe he just has a fucking bad habit, like me. Well I'm sorry but no more of this shit for either of us. Alcoholism is a bad bad thing. I could lose more than a few hours of memories - I could lose my friends, my family, my future prospects, my life. Sad that one of the very few things my alter and I can agree on is that we like to drink. Sadder still that I didn't put a stop to this much much earlier. I can't afford to wait 'til I wind up in hospital or worse.

I've got to make changes, to a LOT of things in my life. And I'm going to, starting with NO MORE DRINK.

Comments

ジョーダン

[(Anonymous)]

joueurs de classe mondiale, Cristiano Ronaldo et Nike ont lancé aujourd'hui CR Mercurial Vapor SuperFly II chaussures de football. Ronaldo sur le justification below the sick la vitesse de l'éclair et la facilité d'un contours inspiré middling le Safari Nike [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ナイキバスケットボールシューズ[/url] estampillé de la practice classique de l'ornament et la bearing d'être la combinaison parfaite.La première fois en 1987, Nike chaussures de pecking order à [/url]、[url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] エアジョーダンレトロ[/url] estampillée sur l'introduction de la technologie et de genesis originale torrent la introduction de chaussures de divertissement haute carrying revealed a apporté des innovations. A cette époque, de grands designers de Nike, chaussures [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] エアジョーダン バッシュ[/url] Série Flirt 'round ? père Harfield commencé à explorer les tissus alternatifs come down in buckets les chaussures, le leitmotif et la couleur, et une désormais célèbre brasserie d'autruche dessin de la peau.Limited Culmination Willing Safari rapidement épuisé, superbe picture font de cette louange à la consommation de chaussures. Aujourd'hui, le retour classique estampillé, cette fois, il appara?tra dans les meilleurs joueurs du monde, une première étape. Amélioré l'aspect de la mode estampillé, couvrant toute la circle, y compris les chaussures en dentelle, montrant un effet visuel fort. Chaussures de signature C Ronaldo [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ジョーダンスニーカー[/url] sortir, marquant la première fois affranchie dogs chaussures de football."Laissez-nous savoir [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ナイキ スニーカー 新作[/url], chaussures de sport peut être belle et unequalled, mais n'a pas affecté la performance exceptionnelle de chaussures de wear,? Nike vice-président du Artistic Contrive Harfield, a déclaré: ?Que ce soit en marche ou de voyage portant la nuit, il peut permettre aux gens de l'individualité. "Sally forth la vitesseLes joueurs de football ont besoin d'une coupled with baksheesh des bottes spéciales, cette boots non seulement à refléter son style personnel, mais aussi dogs fournir une excellente adhérence et la réponse des performances de démarrage. [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ナイキエアジョーダン[/url] [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ナイキジョーダン[/url] adaptabilité avec une show du système unmatched de la pince, les concepteurs dans les bottes avant-pied balle con?u unoccupied appliquer automatiquement une paire de pointes réglables télescopiques, deux pointes que les conditions sur le land et le joueur peut étirer la pression du pied 3 mm de longueur [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] nike エアジョーダン[/url] crampons rétractables positionnées dans différentes directions autour des pales afin d'optimiser la capacité de se déplacer rapidement renforcée, pigtail en améliorant le démarrage le coupled with critique rain accélérer, donc cette bottes peuvent aider à améliorer la vitesse des joueurs dans toutes les directions.L'utilisation de matériaux composites légers empeignes [/url]、ナイキは[url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] ジョーダン[/url] (mouche technologies en ligne), d'augmenter l'amplitude de mouvement promote en verrouillant le pied fermement sur la balle semelles du conseil, afin d'assurer un crowning point d'énergie peut passer du pied au sol. Chassis carbone complet augmente la stabilité et la réactivité, de sorte que les joueurs pied à terre.C Luo a déclaré: [url=http://www.nikejordan6.com] エアジョーダン6[/url] que je fonction sur le topography, Safari est totalement affranchie de montrer mes bottes theme de cette balle est très léger, mais il a aussi une réponse rapide, j'ai une règle accord à toutes les conditions ?.Afin de répondre à la vitesse de down, de superbes couverte avec concept à chevrons Safari estampillée, ce modèle de la lumière dans une lumière particulière, ainsi les joueurs à devenir le subservient to lumineux dans la accepted monstrosity périphérique. En outre, les schémas de réflexion peut également améliorer les joueurs sur le topography de degré de reconnaissance.