flyboy_fox

XD yaaaay for heilicopter!!! I love those things!! They're so awesome... my dad has owned two types and destroyed them both x.x;; that's why dad's shouldn't have them. Ha! XD

I looked up the helicopter on the iwantoneofthose site and it looks REALLY good... they say it's the best indoor 'copter out there n.n that's SO sweet. And.... and I can help thinking about playing with it with the boys XD:;; You know who'll LOVE IT.

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Yeah, it did look good, which was one reason I entered. Some of those can be really crappy and cheap and break within two seconds... but this one looks pretty good. Can't wait to try it out!

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teamrodent.livejournal.com

XD at entry.

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shadowdingo.livejournal.com

Nice! I don't think I've ever won anything at all in a competition. XD

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Where are you? AGAIN?!

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Rose... it's only been a couple of days ^^; I said I'd be around more often and I will. I'm just a bit busy atm ♥ Please don't freak out on me, and please don't waste too much money on texts either. I'll be around, okay? (:

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I enter a lot of them, so occasionally I win ^^ Can't wait! Helicopter FUN!

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It was pretty cringeworthy at the time, but this makes up for it XD

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It's no fair though. I couldn't even find out what's going on until now. I've been asking others, then sent messages, nothing. I don't like that. If you're busy, I want to be told so instead of getting silence... Come soon... please.

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XD you know, people don't have an obligation to speak with you unless they make a specific plan. If you spent money to try to get in touch with someone who only said they'd try to be around a bit more often, that's really your problem, not Jai's fault. No offense n.n;

I know I shouldn't butt in but I thought this was kinda crazy. Did Jai specifically promise to be on tonight? If so, fair enough, but if not... do you need to be informed every night that Jai isn't gonna be on? XD Cuz that's out of control.

And if you don't like contacting others to see where Jai is... well... don't do it. XD; it's kinda rude to those people anyway.

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Oh, and it's been 9 days by the way to be precise... Normally when you disappear for that time, it would be helpful to let me know what's going on. I tried to reach you and it's important to me. Makes me think of the old times again when I used to make lists of things I needed to talk to you about so that I didn't forget anything. I used to wait for you to come so I could bring up this stuff that was on my mind when you weren't around. I kept hopes to see you so I could possibly talk about those things. Eventually after not seeing you long enough I was just giving up. I really don't like it that way, it's so upsetting... :(

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Stay out of it please. You were always against me and I avoided posting here exactly because I knew you'd be here. I just thought I had little choice. And sorry, but he's the one who came to me recently to renew the friendship. If you think he has no obligation to speak with me, I also have no obligation or will to stick with him, because I'll just end up getting upset again. I don't ask him to inform me every night he's not gonna be on, ok? Who do you think I am?

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Always against you? n.n; Oh man. I wish I could remember. Seriously, if I was ever against you, I don't remember... I'm not attacking you, I was just kinda like o.o; by the presumptuousness of your comment XD

And who do I think you are? Well... obviously someone who's willing to cut off being friends with Jai _at all_ because *I* said he doesn't have an obligation to you. XD

Why are internet friends always so all or nothing?

From: (Anonymous)

It's no wonder you get upset if you're this desperate and clingy. Try to see it from someone's perspective other than your own. You're behaving as if Jai owes you time, as if you are somehow entitled to it. Maybe you had beef with him at some point, but if this is your normal mode of behavior and how you typically deal with friendship, you probably did more than your fair share to drive Jai away in the first place. Seriously, think about it. Don't whine. Don't victimize yourself. Think.

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alycus.livejournal.com

Nice win!

So, will you enjoy Father's Day?

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Actually I wanted to talk to him privately. I was only forced to post in this public place, because nothing else worked. And I don't like that others decided to come and criticise me without knowing the situation.

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Mind getting him to reply instead? It would be more helpful.

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Normally it doesn't mean a whole lot to me XD; My dad's never around after all. But hey, free RC Gyro! (:

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Mr. Bossy XD yeesh. I barely know you and you're ordering me around.

I think telling you how it is is probably gonna be 'more helpful' to you in the long run(that is if you pay attentio instead of issuing odd orders at me that I have no obligation to follow). ^^; The anon down there has it spot on--no one owes you time, pal. If Jai comes on and you guys get to chat, cool! If not, you do your own thing. That's kinda how it works in a casual internet friendship.

From: (Anonymous)

I don't have to know the exact situation to know that your external behavior is exactly like that of one of my abusive past friends. He would do exactly the same thing you would--demanding my time when it isn't owed, blaming me for never being around (when it was he who made me not want to talk to him with his excessively clingy, entitled behavior), starting drama when I didn't give him exactly what he wanted from myself, telling me I was a bad person when I wasn't "there"... the list goes on and on. Christ, I just looked at your journal and you're still pining and pushing for the contact of someone ELSE who probably ran away from you. I suggest you seriously think about how you act if you don't want to lose even more friends.

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The situation is that after years of not speaking two people who knew each other on a forum got in contact again and one said to the other 'hey! I'll try to be on more so we can talk!' ...and the other took that as a promise of scheduled meetings and is now seeming to revolve their life and peace of mind around this false and slightly creepy assumption.

If I met up with an old friend from school and we talked and in the end I said 'hey, we'll have to hang out more often!' And then said friend started calling me and everyone one of our mutual aquaintences asking to know where I was and then getting really indignant and scolding me that I wasn't around to hang out like I said and that they expected to be told when I wasn't gonna be around so that they could refrain from doing things like writing long notes to themselves about what they wanted to talk to me about........ I would run away. Far away. XD;

Am I off the mark here? XD I'm sorry Rose... I'm not 'against you' and I honestly cannot recall a time when I ever was, but this is craziness. Take it easy man... let the friendship flooooow.

(sorry for stepping in, anon, your replies rock XD just thought I should explain the 'situation' that Rose seems to think I wouldn't know)

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Rose, please... get a grip! :\ This is kinda why things deteriorated between us before.

I try to be around when I can, but getting pinged with texts saying you miss me... and then being blamed for you "spending a fortune" on texts (your choice, mate...)... and then being scolded on LJ like I'm a little kid who stayed out past his curfew... is really kinda overload. It makes me afraid to come on AIM.

Also, whenever I do come on, all you wanna talk about is the picture you wanted me to draw for you ^^; I told you I didn't mind you asking about it... but even when I was telling you about the trouble I was having with money and the power cut etc, you just went straight back to asking if it was done, and when I said 'not yet' wanting to know exactly when I would work on it x.o

It's very one-sided, Rose. You want me to give and give and give and I'm really not sure what I'm getting out of it (other than stress). Think about it for a while... and don't get so hostile about my friends stepping in. They have the right to do that. I don't belong exclusively to you, or anyone else.

Edited Date: 2010-06-17 03:14 pm (UTC)

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Could you show up so we can discuss this in private? I'm not good at talking here and I just end up getting people against me. If the same discussion was happening between the two of us in real time, we'd easily find a way to make things right, I'm sure of that. I miss you...

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My whole journal is very old, don't look at it. If you mean LunarOcean, I wasn't the reason he left. And recently I regained contact with him. He was gone for years, you think I didn't have a reason to be upset? After I got to talk to him again, it turned out it was never anything about me. So... your assumption is wrong, please don't prejudge me.

I'm not abusive for my friends. I never had trouble with any other of them. If anything, I was the one whose time was abused by those who thought I was their property, so I know how it is. I don't do that myself. All I wanted from Flyboy was a simple reply to any of my messages anywhere. He says I'm an important friend, so when I ask where he's been the last couple of days, it would just be helpful to hear any sort of answer (a single sentence or anything and it would be alright). Is it a bad thing that I wonder what's going on for him? And the reason I posted here was to figure out where he was (since I couldn't otherwise) and not to force him to spend time with me right now.

I don't want to be abusive really and I hope you understand. Comparing me to some abusive friend of yours is unfair. I think you got carried away and perhaps you didn't mean to say that. I'm sure I'm not like that and you can ask any of my friends for confirmation. Or you can get to know me on your own and change this negative opinion about me.

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Incorrect. Okay, part of it is correct. That part that doesn't try to enter my mind and make assumptions of what I feel and what I took as a promise. Once again you're trying to make a terrible person of me and it's very upsetting.

You, as well as the anonymous person above, compare me to some extremities. I'm not like that. This whole discussion here and attacking me was unnecessary.

And since this is Flyboy's journal, everybody's biased and treat me as some kind of monster, even though I'm sure Flyboy himself doesn't think that of me. To clarify the situation, if it's necessary:

I was indeed promised he'd be around more and that he'd fix what went wrong in the past. I didn't take it as any promise of scheduled meetings and my life is much more complicated and has many more elements. I don't really have time to talk every day. I was probably a bit more crazy in those first days after his return, because after all this time I felt I had so much to say.

After he's been gone for over a week, I just wanted to find out where he was, because in the past he used to disappear for months without a word and now that he returned to me and disappeared for quite a bit again, I had reasons to assume he's gone again for good, following the pattern from the past. I'm really not as demanding as you claim. I'm just afraid that after hearing some nice words from him about being a great friend, we're back to where we were. The fear of loss once again made me act desperately trying to find out what's going on, before it's too late and he's gone for 6 months or something once more. The fear of loss is what's driving me here and not some abusive personality. And getting any single-sentence reply from Flyboy (in any form, IM, email, whatever) would help me calm down. Please don't make assumptions about me, they're hurtful.

And the friendship won't "flooooow" if he leaves for months and returns after a long time to say he cares about me. I know it wasn't months yet, I was just trying to prevent that. In return for trying to save a friendship, I get piled here on this journal for being abusive when my intentions were pure. Sorry for caring...

From: (Anonymous)

No one is saying you're a "monster" or a bad person. That is a misconstruction of what was said. We're criticizing your behavior, not your qualities as a person.

It's obvious you're upset, and you have a right to be from your own perspective - you feel ignored. That is fine. But you're missing the part where Jai himself said that your friendship deteriorated IN THE FIRST PLACE because of how you're acting now. If Jai said you were an important friend and then proceeded to avoid contacting you, that's Jai's problem, and Jai's issue to work out. But you, too, have an issue. The issues are mutual. You have to pay attention to what's being said here, to and about you, accept some responsibility.

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Well, okay. I actually will reply here.

I don't agree this is why things deteriorated between us before. There was some situation like that when I tried to reach you desperately and you creeped out, but we fixed that later. But that's old. Everything was fine again later.

Instead let's return to your most recent very long absence. You disappeared suddenly and never showed up again until very recently. In the first few days I wondered where you were, but I assumed you were just busy and you'd be back soon. But as the time passed, I realized you weren't coming back. My way of thinking back then was "Maybe I wasn't a very good friend, maybe he was never interested in friendship, after all he'd only talk if I messaged him first." I decided to move on. I didn't try to contact you at all. If there was anything, maybe it was a single message I sent you in some way asking where you were, but I didn't pester you or anything (knowing that caused trouble before). See where that led us? I truly assumed you didn't care about me at all. But you came back and convinced me this isn't true, so I was trying to make sure it doesn't end up like last time when I didn't make any move. I don't know how you can blame me for this long time we didn't see each other.

I don't blame you for having to send text messages by the way. I didn't spend a fortune, I only sent like 3 or something, lol. Don't be afraid to come on AIM... Everything will be alright, you'll be happy. ^^;

Oh, picture? I don't need it. You're the one who suggested it. What do you mean saying it's all I want to talk about? :P Let me check the logs... Our last converation doesn't mention pictures at all. We talked about music mostly. I also mentioned I was busy on RuneScape so I stopped talking. Then we talked about messenger smileys, then about furries, then music again and the fact I was on a-ha concert. Okay. Let's check previous chat. We talk about Matt a little, short one. But hey, the one before it is fun, look:

(23:05:09) Lil Bud Tails: Rose!!
(23:06:11) Lil Bud Tails: I'm sorry I wasn't around last night. Some bad stuff has happened financially, and then the stress of it gave me a migraine and I've been sick all day x.x But I just wanted to say hi and apologise.
(23:07:12) RoSe-BuSTeR: Oh, hello. That's fine really, you don't have to apologise. ^^; I understand.
(23:07:33) Lil Bud Tails: I'm sorry though ): I didn't want you to feel ignored *hug*
(23:09:40) RoSe-BuSTeR: I didn't feel ignored. *hugs* I only felt like that in the past when you didn't talk for extended periods of time. It's all fine. <3

Do I sound that harsh? ;) And yes, later I talked about the picture thingy indeed, because it was on my mind, but I was only curious and I wasn't forcing this conversation. If you didn't like me mentioning this topic, you could have told me. I don't really ask you to draw pictures for me, that's not the point. I asked you because you mentioned a picture in our previous chat and I just wanted to know, but there on AIM you didn't seem bothered by anything I said, so I don't know why you're bothered now and you suddenly mention it here in front of everyone. There's no need for that.

I don't want you to give and give, buddy. I just want to know what's going on for you, that's all.

I have given some thought to the things you said here and I realized your complaints about me refer to some situation when I didn't know I was bothering you. Maybe if you just let me know next time instead, we won't have this problem anymore. ^^; I promise to be careful not to upset you with anything I say.

And hey... All I want is to be friends. Think about it for a while too... And just come soon please, I have something cool to show you, you'll like it. :)

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I replied to his post below, I think it explains some things further. I don't think our friendship deteriorated by the way. I believe we're still good friends. :)

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so I don't know why you're bothered now and you suddenly mention it here in front of everyone. There's no need for that.

Guh~ I don't know which part of your logic thinks it makes sense to berate me for bringing up something we talked about and then, in the same breath, posts actual parts of our IM logs :\

You can see from that very IM snippet how worried I get about your reactions. I shouldn't have to feel that I need to apologise profusely for being gone for a day because I was stressed and ill, but somehow I feel I have to.

Yes, you didn't make a huge deal out of it there, because I performed damage control. But it's tiring, feeling like I have to account for every moment that I'm not around.

I never wanted a huge big explosion in my LJ over it. Even now, you're haranguing me to come onto AIM asap... I will come on in my own time, when I have free time to spend devoted to our conversation. ^^;

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Additionally:

I just looked at the IM log you pasted, and I noticed that IMMEDIATELY after that was said, this was said:

Lil Bud Tails (22:09:38): Okay, thank you ♥
rosebuster17 (22:10:16): I suppose you didn't get to draw anything in this situation?

... lol, srsly? I'd just told you I'd been away sick with a migraine and stress ^^;

Then a tiny bit later when I was telling you about what was going on:

Lil Bud Tails (23:11:22): I'm just kinda... worried about paying my rent and stuff, mostly. I'm in the minus with money right now, and the money I'm supposed to be receiving from two months ago is STILL not here. So I am very worried about being made homeless soon n.n;
rosebuster17 (23:12:48): Awww... that's bad. Um... what is that money you should be receiving? Salary or something?
Lil Bud Tails (23:14:02): Some tax/housing relief.
rosebuster17 (23:14:31): Ah, I see
rosebuster17 (23:15:06): So... returning to the drawing thing... When do you think you'll be doing any? I'm interested to see how you're doing at it. :P
Lil Bud Tails (23:17:29): Well, when I'm less sick and have some of this sorted... I'm kind of not in a good mindframe for drawing right now with this headache... but when I feel better, I will.
rosebuster17 (23:19:01): That's alright
rosebuster17 (23:19:22): You don't have any work yet?
Lil Bud Tails (23:19:41): No, it's very difficult to get a job around here ):
rosebuster17 (23:20:33): Ah, well, I kinda realized you'd interpret the question this way, but it's ok, good to hear the answer to that too.
rosebuster17 (23:20:45): I was actually trying to ask about artwork

You're not making a great case for yourself, Rose. I felt VERY sidelined by the whole art thing :\

Edited Date: 2010-06-17 08:40 pm (UTC)

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As the anon below said, no one is trying to make you a terrible person or say you're a monster. Now slightly spoiled and entitled.. maybe. But not a monster. XD

Bottomline, yes, it's been a long while since you talked. Take it casually, don't put pressure on it, even if you're really desperate to talk... chill. That's how friends get comfortable.

Something tells me you're not the kind of person who any of this will sink in for n.n;;

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Anon above, rather :D

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I didn't know you minded posting these few (pretty neutral and nice) lines, seeing that you revealed everything already, sorry if I made a mistake.

About the fact you were so worried there... It was actually really surprising, I didn't know why you'd go apologizing for being gone for one day. You don't have to do it, bro.

Now then... Let's not be extreme, I don't need you to tell me every time you're gone. But could you try to answer when I ask? A simple answer helps. I think we can find some convenient contact way that I can use to ask a question if you're gone for a long time where you could make a short reply, so that I don't have to worry. That would be nice, I think. :) Don't be upset or stressed, I don't blame you for not being around. Please don't feel the need to apologize.

And I also didn't want this explosion, I just meant to find out what's going on. It would probably end quickly without brining everything out, but your friends got involved and fired it up kinda. Oh well. And sure, feel free to come whenever you can, without feeling pressured, apologising and stuff, that's not what I want. I'm your friend. ^_^

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I'm sorry for that buddy. I don't know what was going on my mind that day. Now that I read that I want to apologise myself for picking wrong conversation course for the moment.

I'd like to try to excuse myself. I'm not as insensitive as you may think. I just think emotions don't travel over the Internet very well and even though you told me you weren't very well, I didn't realize your stress and pain. I had a pretty good day back then myself, I felt pretty energetic, I must have paid a bit too little attention to the things you said. I don't know why that drawing stuff was on my mind that day. I wasn't thinking of it at all the following days, including recently when I was trying to reach you. I had other things in my head I wanted to talk about. I'll tell you what. Just forget the whole picture talk. Don't do any, I really don't need that. What I need is... you.

I don't want to make a great case for myself here. I'm guilty and I apologise once again. If this is why you felt bad, I wish I had realized earlier. I'm not a saint, I mess up too.

I'm very sorry to hear about all the stress you're going through and I hope it gets better for you. When you do come online though, I can promise talking about things that are pleasant and not stressful and I'm sure everything will be alright. ^^;

Having said all this I hope we can finish the stressful talk at this (if you accept my apology) and I'll just wait until you have time to get back online. I'll try my best to be a better friend. Oh, and I'm sure Matty will also be happy to see you again. ^^

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I wanna make some friendly arrangements with you if you don't mind. I suppose our history wasn't the greatest. I remember being upset because of you in the past on TTR forums for example and also when you accused me of cheating in sonic rating. I don't remember details now, I just remembered that I was often feeling bad because of your words. I think I should try to put that all behind and try again.

Listen, I make mistakes, I'm just a man. I'm not afraid to admit I'm not always an angel. I like that my close friends understand that and give me chance to fix my mistakes. So please forgive me and don't be mad. If you want to help me become a better person, I appreciate advice, but it's better delivered in a friendly way that doesn't make me feel bad. It's much nicer to have friends and I don't want to hide from you anymore. I admit, I was afraid of you. Let's chance that please? :3

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First of all, I'm sorry, but I really don't remember these times that you've talked about where I did stuff that made you feel bad. ^^;

Second of all, the advice I deliver isn't unfriendly. I don't know how much more friendly I would need to be without just saying 'you're a lovely guy and nothing's wrong with you' which I think is what you really want, not advice. XD I just tell it like it is, usually with a positive emoticon. It's not like I'm yelling at you.

There's no need to be afraid of me. That's crazy! XD

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No need to remember those times, it's past now. And the reason I was afraid and had that unfriendly feeling is also pretty much a result of this past that I will just try to forget now. And I hope it will be alright.

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