Welcome ho-- oh, you're fat? Go away.

[flyboy_fox]

Worst Easter ever.

I was really looking forward to coming home, seeing my mum, my cat, having home cooked food, sleeping in my bedroom etc...

Seems I'm not welcome here though. My mum's been seeming cold for a while, but I thought she was just tired and that the break would do her good and that she'd be happy to see me as she usually is. Things seemed okay the first night after Jei and I arrived... but quickly fell through.

To recap, neither Jei nor I had slept more than 2 hours the night before we travelled, and so after a 5 hour coach journey with a couple of stops, we were pretty exhausted. Add to that the fact that I hadn't slept well in about a month since coming off that medication and having nightmare cycles, insomnia and numerous migraines (about 4 in the space of 2 weeks). So, I was really pretty tired. I figured I could sleep in on Easter Sunday, and when the morning came, sleep I did. My lovely double bed in my large airy bedroom was just SO nice that I had the best sleep ever and just couldn't be roused in the morning.

But apparently that's not allowed :( My mum came in to wake me, and when I said I wanted to sleep, she... went insane O.o Tried to drag me out of bed, ripped off the covers, told me this is HER house and how dare I be lazy and stay in bed all day, and how terrible I am for being such a lazy slob and not getting up.

Okaaaaay.

Then she told me that if I don't like her 'rules', then I don't have to be here.

I thought this was all a bit odd, until I finally unearthed it. After a big argument, it finally slipped from her. "Well, just LOOK at you! You've let yourself go completely!".

I. Fucking. Knew it.

My weight. She's upset because I put on a bit of weight. She can't bear it. She's OBSESSED. She can't deal with me being in her perfect house if I'm 'fat'. It's like a personal insult to her if I've put on a bit. I don't know what she sees when she looks at me - she must see some huge obese blubbery whale who can't even move. Which is ridiculous because I may have a little extra around my middle, but I am perfectly healthy, mobile and fine! I can still run without getting out of breath, fit into all chairs easily, lug my suitcases around, wear my clothes without ripping them, and I don't break the scales when I stand on them. I might not be skinny like I used to be, but heck, I'm actually perfectly fine with how I look! It's normal. I'm average.

But my mum can't stand it. She hates that I'm not obsessed with my figure like she is. It's like the most important thing to her, so much so that she can't even be happy to see me.

So I packed my stuff and booked a return coach for tomo-- uh... today. It's 7am, just noticed XD;; Oops, stayed up all night again.

She saw me packing, knows I'm leaving... but she didn't say a word. She doesn't care. I suppose as long as I get my disgusting fatness out of HER house, she'll be fine. Well shit. And there I was thinking she'd be glad to see me after all the trauma about Bruce. Guess I'll know better next time.

Gyah.

Comments

[p1nk5pider.livejournal.com]

Man, that's rough. :-/ Sorry you had to deal with that. Your mum is the last person who should be putting you down for anything.
On the other hand, though, i'm glad that you stood up to her and decided to leave. You shouldn't have to deal with that from your mother.
i hope everything works itself out though.

[carriepika.livejournal.com]

Reading this just reinforces the fact that I've turned into a complete bitch as I've aged.

Cause if I were in your place? When I was leaving my parting words would be something along the lines of 'Right. Bye, Mom. Hope you enjoy whatever government old age home they put you in someday! Since I won't be allowed to come take care of you cause you think I'm fat~ Have a lovely lonely rest of your life~!'

And then I'd ignore her till I got the (hopefully eventual) apologetic voice mail message or whatever. If I didn't get it? Well... she's obviously happier pretending she doesn't have a 'fat' daughter so it all works out.

But then... being a big girl I've been judged for my weight for years. And when people judge based on that? They aren't worth the bother. Even family. Lord knows I've punched my brother flat out for calling me a 'cow' once. ♥

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Haha, if she ended up in my nursing home and she was on my list then I guess she wouldn't want me to help get her care done since I'm fat :O Wonder if she'd rather sit in her own feces than let a fat person touch her.
Stupid bitch.

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

I agree with her...maybe not so direct but at least you should let her know how bad she made you feel and how superficial she is..it's not the outside but the inside that really count :)

But knowing this is your mom and your style is'nt head-on and confrontational, i can see why you left../=

[(Anonymous)]

Wow, that's terrible. And it wasn't your fault, even for being "fat". Your mom has a serious mental problem, and it has nothing to do with your value as a person, fat or thin. I'm still really glad you didn't go through with that horrible diet just to appease her, and I'm even more glad you walked out on her abuse. She may or may not learn from it, but your actions are a sign that you won't let her manipulate you into harming yourself with her screwed up behavior, and THAT is something to be proud of.

[tragic-elegance.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm glad you can see that you're perfectly healthy. It's probably harder because this is coming from your mom. Hopefully she'll see the light soon.

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

Gyaaahhh... *facepalm*

When we're surrounded by things saying "being slim is good" etc., I find myself so glad to see someone else who doesn't believe watching your figure and being skinny is a necessity in life, and is what will ultimately make you attractive. Hey, so what if you put on a tiny bit of weight? As you said, you're healthy... and you're not having any problems with anything because of it, so I find myself... what's the big deal about a little bit of healthy weight?

[chocomookielove.livejournal.com]

lol
your moms crazy dude

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Has she acted abusive like this before?

It sounds like she was treating you like property. Like she somehow has the right to control your every thought and action just because you have some of her DNA.

[gerkuman.livejournal.com]

Whoa... that's horrible of her :(

[defenestrate-me.livejournal.com]

More to love :3

[flyfox-prower.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's just messed up. I can only imagine what it's like dealing with that on top of everything else. :/

I hope things take a turn for the better soon...