Not sleeping + not eating = AWESOME IDEA Y/Y? ... >_>;;

[flyboy_fox]

10:00am! Well, that's one night down :D I'm not sleepy yeeeet but I'm sure I will be. I think two days is my record, so I can try to beat it maybe? I dunno. I'll crash eventually and it'll be the BEST SLEEP EVAR.

Anyway, I just noticed recently that I've put on weight again, more than before D: And I was doing so well! Now I'm nervous about going home in two weeks, because I know my mum will make me feel horrible about my huge 'tummy'. I can already hear her... "You're fatter than ever, I can't believe how fat you've gotten!" ;_; Wah. I know I'm no monster, but she just knows how to make me feel like a blubber whale for having a little spare around my middle. The sad thing is that comfort eating has kinda turned into crazy binge-eating lately. I think it might be partly another side-effect of the withdrawal because I've never been THIS hungry all the time with sudden ridiculous cravings (and before you ask, no it's NOT possible that I'm pregnant :P).

SO... what I am going to do is eat very very little, next to nothing, for the next two weeks and crash-diet these pounds off. YES I KNOW, that's no way to permanently lose weight... but I just need to shed nine or ten pounds or so before the end of the month (2 weeks). So... rye crackers, brothy soups, ratatouille, tuna salad from here until then. Maybe I can do with just one meal a day and plenty of cups of tea and occasional crackers to last the day out. Because I won't be able to go home if I'm 'fatter' than the last time my mum saw me. She will destroy me.

Jei is also right - I need to exercise. I literally haven't left the apartment in over two weeks, ever since I came off the medication. For a while there I was literally too dizzy and disoriented to go anywhere. But now I'm mostly fine, so there's no excuse. Gonna go out tonight with Jei to get some Magners for St Paddy's Day, then no more booze either for a long while.

But speaking of which!! Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh! Or, "Saint Patrick's Day blessings be upon you!" :)

I don't usually pay much heed to St Paddy's Day as I'm not Irish and it's not much of a big thing over here, but this year Jei and I are celebrating in honour of Jim and Doyler from our favourite Irish novel "At Swim, Two Boys". Also, when I found out that Glasthule from the book is right by Dun Laorghaire, I started thinking a lot about my best friend when I was little, Malachy. We were tight. But then his family moved to Dun Laorghaire when I was 9 and, after only one brief visit, we lost touch and I never saw him or the twins Timothy and Faedre again. So I'm celebrating in honour of Malachy and his family, too ^^

Now I think I'm gonna go play some Disgaea 3 for a bit - picked it up for £12 from GAME a few weeks ago after a recommendation from Urtheart at SSMB (he spent our train journey home from the Alton Towers VIP trip telling me about it) and it's weird but fun! ♥

Comments

Hits "N" button repeatedly

[teamrodent.livejournal.com]

I wonder if all that binging and stuff is due to the last diet you were on.

Re: Hits "N" button repeatedly

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I was losing a good steady amount of weight for a while. But then I kinda fell off the boat and never picked myself back up D:

[oshiroakina.livejournal.com]

Just be careful with the diet though; I don't want you to deny yourself of any vital nutrients that your body needs . . . Fresh fruits and veggies are always a big help; they're full of vitamins and since they're packed with water they'll fill you up quicker. :)

Oh, and grilled chicken is good for you too; throw some chicken chunks into a salad and there you go! :D

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

*Nods* I plan to get plenty of fruit and veg as soon as I get some money in, hopefully within the next few days :) And yay chicken!

[(Anonymous)]

I think a better idea, rather than crash dieting before you go home, is to put the brakes on your mother's mental abuse and learn to react to it in ways that don't include inflicting more torture and mental abuse on yourself.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I get that. But if I'm gonna survive Easter, I wanna at least start from a place where I'm not gonna get my esteem stomped into the ground ^^; I know I've let myself go a bit... so really, even if she overdoes it, she does make a point and that's why it gets to me.

[(Anonymous)]

I understand wanting to lose weight, and especially in wanting to avoid bitchy, crazy-making criticisms from people who think they're entitled to your body. But I think you should be aware that you have more options in front of you than letting your family force you (via criticism and abusive behaviors), into cultivating an eating disorder. Losing weight so that you look better is okay, but it's definitely not okay when it comes from a place of being shamed and as part of a cycle of abuse. In crash-dieting the way you've described, you could not only be potentially damaging yourself physically, but psychologically, as well.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you are totally right, and I said even in my post that I know crash-dieting is no permanent solution - I wanna lose weight for ME, for my own health and to look and feel better. But I need to survive Easter without ending up feeling like a disgusting failure, so if I have to do something like this just to get past that, it's the only way. I fully intend to lose the rest of the weight in a healthy and mature way without crash-dieting. I just need to be 'presentable' in time for Easter to start with ^^;

[p1nk5pider.livejournal.com]

Instead of eating little to nothing, you should just snack instead of having meals. Like, some fruit in the morning, a little later some crackers or something, then a chicken salad or something around lunch, little snack again, little something around dinner, another little snack after that.
(Healthy) snacking often will keep you full, and keep your metabolism going to help you burn fat, if that's what you're wanting to do. Eating one meal for a whole day will just make your metabolism stop as it tries to store nutrients to keep your body from starving..
And also Happy St. Patty's to you! Got a lot of Irish in my blood (and a very Irish last name too), so my family usually makes a big deal of it :D Going camping this year with some friends tho!

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

That's a very sensible approach :) Thanks! I'll definitely bear it in mind!

Have fun camping! ^^

[chocomookielove.livejournal.com]

This was already mentioned. Crash diets make you go into starvation mode. Your body will try to conserve. Most of what you do eat will become fat. Then you allow yourself to eat again later. You body tells you to eat more than usual. You might not even notice. It wants to stock up on fact. Resources may run low again. So you gain more weight than you had before.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Mm. Guess I'll go with the all-day light snacking idea then, rather than only eating once per day. Good advice :)