Insomnia

[flyboy_fox]

Does anyone on my friends list have any prior experience of prescription drug withdrawal and associated insomnia/sleep disturbance issues? Because I am kinda getting to my wits' end.

Here's what's happening every night AND any time I try to nap in the day:

- I lie awake for ages before I can sleep. I can only sleep if I'm completely exhausted and pretty much passing out.

- I finally fall asleep. I sleep normally for two, maybe three hours. Normal dreams. Normal sleep. All is okay.

- It starts. My dreams begin to turn against me, slowly at first. For example, I find myself lost, unable to get home.

- I wake up suddenly. I believe myself to be fully awake. I look at the clock and see the time. I lay back down and close my eyes. Suddenly I'm fast asleep again.

- The dreams get worse. Now I'm sick or faint or bleeding and no one will help me. Again, I wake up suddenly. I can't sit up or move. I know that if I close my eyes, I'll instantly be asleep again.

- Now in my dreams I'm frozen too. I can't move. I feel terror. No one will help me. I wake again, still frozen, and I try to yell for help. I try to call for Jei, to tell her to help me wake up properly, but I can't force more than a horse squeak out of my throat. I don't want to fall asleep again, but the moment I close my eyes I feel an almost physical tug yanking me back in there.

- I'm starting to get confused. Now when I wake up, I don't even know where I am at first and it takes me several seconds to remember that I live away from home and with my girlfriend now, not at home with my mum.

- Finally, I wake for real, after five or six 'fake' wakings that I can't pull out from. I lie there for a long time with my eyes wide open, not daring to close them or even move in case the dream forcefully pulls me back in. Eventually I sit up slowly and get up, feeling distant and strange.

The wakings are accompanied by odd obsessive weird thoughts, too. For example, this morning every time I woke up it was with a really strong feeling - a knowledge even - that I'm not 'real'. That I'm a fake version of me with false memories, and that I never actually lived the things I thought I did. The feeling plagued me all day, feeling distant and unreal and tearful, until I finally went back to bed after lunch. Then a whole new cycle started.

I'm afraid to go to bed now. But I can't stay awake indefinitely. So yeah... any advice/insight would help. I 'came off' the medication about 2 weeks ago.

Comments

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Crap...It sounds like your brain is really going haywire, though it sounds like you're at least not in any danger, even though it sounds like you've been in a lot of pain.

Have you consulted your doctor about what's going on? At any rate, I hope that the following excerpt from Helpguide.org is useful. I think I may have stumbled upon the exact solution to your problem.

In order to avoid antidepressant withdrawal symptoms, never stop your medication “cold turkey.” Instead, gradually taper your dose, allowing for at least 1-2 weeks between each dosage reduction. This tapering process may take up to several months, and should be monitored under a doctor's supervision.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Additionally, you may want Jei to monitor while you sleep, at least for a while.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm fine sleeping (when I eventually manage)... it's (fully) waking up that I can't seem to do anymore ^^;

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

It did sound like you were semi-sleep walking, come to think of it.^^;;

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I already know I shouldn't have stopped 'cold turkey' XD;; Unfortunately it's a little too late for that. My doctor is back in Weston, and I won't be going home for a couple more weeks.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

Hmm...Do you have any vitamins or herbal remedies around the house? I guess if all else fails, you could chomp on some fruit and see what happens? Maybe?^^;;

[chocomookielove.livejournal.com]

If anything, I felt pleasantly numb after quitting my crazy pills cold turkey - but that may have been because I was on both antidepressants and anticonvulsants. I can't use lithium for my bipolar because I sweat on a regular basis at the gym and drink energy drinks, both of which contribute to lithium toxicity, which is very very nasty.

Anyways, the best thing I can suggest is using mind over matter to your advantage. Convince yourself throughly that it won't happen, or that it's not an issue, and the symptoms may decrease. Easier said than done, of course, but it's one of my best weapons against illness or pain.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I'm not very good at that XD; My brain likes to convince me that things are terribly wrong, and I can't seem to fight back even with logic because I'm apparently extremely weak-minded ^^; I think I'm just too introspective in general, to the point of near paranoia. Maybe I should just try never ever sleeping again 9_9;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Christ, I don't get you people going off mental health medication. Way to fuck yourselves up. You realize you're screwing with your brain chemicals and those pills (if they were the right ones) were keeping them balanced? I don't like taking pills either but I realize if I stopped I'd be trying to kill myself again.
*sigh* Whatever..

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

"([I]f they were the right ones)"... They weren't helping. There's got to be a better way.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

That's fine - but the way you did it was wrong and it's screwing your poor mind up. You need to go through different combinations and find the right ones. It took my mother 11 years... she's bipolar.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know I shouldn't have just quit. But I ran out and my doctor is back in my old hometown, and I can't get back there for a few weeks. So rather than mess around with trying to register here for just a few weeks and explaining it all to a new doctor, I figured I'd just try to ride it out myself ^^; Bad move, maybe, but it's too late to change that now.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

I don't know how it works but wouldn't there be some way to access your file where you are and they could give you loaners or something?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I don't know what a 'loaner' is, but I do know that it takes them at least two weeks to send my papers over, because I had to do this last time I relocated. They're rubbish. You'd think they could do an electronic transfer, but noooo. Physical documentation only.

Anyway, I've been off the medication for 14 days now. Surely it'd only mess me up worse to either take a 'therapeutic' dose now or start on something else. I wanna be drug-free, even if I have to ride out a bad storm first to get there.

[(Anonymous)]

I am an Anon who enjoys reading your journal... I go to the same uni as you but have never met you IRL. The doctors at uni have sent out letters to those who are signed up there. Apparently they are going to be starting this soon: http://www.nhscarerecords.nhs.uk/summary

I assume that when your local doctor also starts this, it will make it easier to get your meds when you are at uni and unable to get back to your normal doc. If I understand it correctly, they will be able to access a summary of your records to see what you are on etc. This is only a guess, but worth checking out anyway.

I really hope you feel better soon :)

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Wow, I've had some really friendly anons posting lately :) I'm intrigued by the fact that you go to BU - small world! I'm curious as to which course, but I don't wanna compromise your anonymity so you don't need to answer, of course.

I was registered with the GP office on Talbot Campus last year but I found it kind of disorienting how there were no specific doctors we would be registered to and instead we could only see whichever doctor (or nurse) happened to be available. Explaining the same thing over and over was pretty tedious and I got sent all around the houses (including up to the Talbot Medical Centre - completely different place as I'm sure you know) to get my prescription.

My doc back home is excellent though. I'll definitely be checking in with him when I go back at Easter :)

Haha, I wonder if it's weird that I actually feel comforted spilling my guts to some random nice Anon who happens to read my LJ ^^;

[(Anonymous)]

Whoa, there. You're being a little needlessly hostile. Jai already said that she can't get more meds and the ones she was on weren't working anyway, so she pretty much had to crash off of them. She isn't asking for judgments on her choices, which she probably already knew were bad--she's asking if anyone is familiar with the withdrawal symptoms.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Thanks. That's about the gist of it ^^;; I already know I'm a prat, but I needs halp!!

[sletia.livejournal.com]

I didn't know that part about needing to crash off 'em - I thought you were doing one of those "oh I don't need these anymore" things that I've seen people do.
You know I got angry 'cause I care. :x

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I know :) That's why I didn't really mind.

I've been WANTING to come off them for a while, but I didn't intend to suddenly run out like that and be forced to just stop cold turkey ^^;

[belle-pullman.livejournal.com]

I'm not much help, but can explain the sleep paralysis issue, I get that... it's the exact reverse of sleep-walking, the switch in the brain that turns off the body in REM sleep takes a few seconds to turn on... in sleep walkers it doesn't properly turn off so when they're dreaming their body is following the brain, acting out the dream. The sleep paralysis is the opposite, the body hasn't caught up that the brain's awake now, movement is ok! So you only have control of breathing.

Best thing to do when it happens is realise what's happened, you ARE awake but your body's being a little behind times. Lie there (like you have an option) and breathe slowly, and try to flex fingers and toes - once they start moving, everything else follows on pretty quickly. Then get up, get a drink of water, let your brain settle down.

I would expect it'd take your brain 3, 4 weeks to settle down again, so I'd guess you're at the worst point of it now, and it's going to get easier. But sleep deprivation is evil... just hold on with gritted teeth, make sure you get plenty of daylight and fresh air! It really does help!

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

*Nods* Makes sense. I have sleep paralysis attacks on a semi-regular basis, so I guess this is just a drawn out version of that where I wake up a half-dozen times rather than just the once ^^;

Fresh air and daylight, eh? I guess me huddling indoors like a hermit and never even cracking open a window is probably counter-productive then ^^;; I do need to get out more... hopefully you're right and this'll start to improve in the next week or so :) Thanks!