Cotton wool head

[flyboy_fox]

Chh'. It's raining again. Does it ever stop raining? >_>

I have no eyebrows. I look like an alien. LOL. Should I shave my head completely to finish the look? I dunno why I took off my eyebrows. It just seemed like a thing to do. Har. In retrospect I kinda wish I hadn't. So I'm wearing a woollen hat pulled down over my brow. I also didn't like the asymmetry of my cheek, so I put marks on my other cheek to match.

Then I lay on the couch and stared at my hands for about two hours. That was fun. Well no. It was kinda odd. Really interesting. I literally didn't move at all for a couple hours. I kinda felt disassociated from my body, like my limbs were dead weights and not my own, and if they ever did move I wouldn't be able to feel it 'cause they weren't mine. It sorta felt like I was paralysed but I wasn't scared or worried because I didn't want to move. I could make very small nodding movements or 'mmn' sounds. It was like a really deep trance and I stayed in it until Jei brought me a blanket and covered me up and I fell asleep for the night on the couch.

This morning I got up and shook the barbells from my head and spent a while trying to draw my eyebrows on with an eye-liner pencil. Didn't work very well so I'm back to wearing the woolly cap. Now I'm floating with the tide and just trying to write how I feel.

Jei will be home from school later. Later. For now I need to do something, I dunno what. I can't sleep any more and I feel restless. I'm not sure where I am any more.

It's only a few weeks until Christmas.

Comments

[capncloudchaser.livejournal.com]

I've read your previous thread and mirror the thoughts there. You mentioned that you didn't want to speak with the college counsellors as they've seen stuff like that before and you're not as important. Screw that, you're every bit as important. I really recommend that you speak with them, or speak with your doctor, as your mood is clearly not improving and may get worse.

Until then, maybe keeping yourself busy with something may help distract your thoughts? Do some college work, start a project (Like a website, or writing or something), or play some games?

Whenever I feel depressed, keeping myself busy keeps those thoughts away. It's not a permanent solution, but it works for the time being. Maybe you have someone to talk to online as well, until Jei comes home?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Being occupied does help, at least for a while. I'll try that, thanks.

[rainsingingwolf.livejournal.com]

Seconding everything CapnCloudChaser said.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Okay, well, I'll try.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

I don't want to sound like an alarmist, but from the sound of it, you need all the help that you can get. You should talk to anyone who could possibly help you with your current mental state. And like Cloud Chaser basically said, it's a good idea to keep your mind active with something that you enjoy on some level.

[(Anonymous)]

oh mate, i hate to hear the s.a.d kicking in
u got more friends than u might realise and we all care 4u

thnx for journling u thoughts, tis brave like but also we luv ur views and apprecite thm, this not a good patch but battle on ;)
i knws u is down to earth and is pragmatic and we hav faith in u approaches, i rly think ur collge peeps u shud talk to, they are indepednant of the uni proper neway; they are there for us, and we shud take the offer up, if not for u lol, for u brightening up of ur blogee's day ! dont like u sad, c'mon!

hav u tried the light therapy? bright metal halide everymorning, exactly same time everyday 30mins u know it helps lots of stuff

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I have no idea who you are, but thanks, it means a lot!

[shadowdingo.livejournal.com]

... you got a previous post with your new address on? I'm liable to send you a little Christmas gift made of things that no-one's ever opened or used in my bathroom, and likely never will use either. Also, I wanna send you and Jei a card. Little something to cheer you up, then, shall we say? :)

I'm hoping said little package would help ya out a bit in the whole "relax and take your mind off things" department for a little while. ^^;;

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks Jade... I PMed you my address ^^ You're so nice.

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[(Anonymous)]

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