~Fight you to the end~
Oct. 29th, 2009 12:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxHaven't posted much in a little while. Winter depression is starting to take a hold, which predictably happens every year. I think it's been said that a majority of people (or at least a significant percentage) suffer from mood slumps in the winter months, especially when the evenings really start drawing in after the clocks go back. So... I'm trying not to complain too much. I'm sure a lot of folks are feeling like shit right now. I have no real reason to be down, so I'm going to try to just suck it up and get on with life - but hey, what good is my LJ if I can't use it to vent/whine a little?
I think I'm particularly sensitive to serotonin, or more specifically any variations in how much I get. This would make sense, given that I get migraines that seem to be tied into serotonin fluctuations, and I also have trouble with processing sunlight visually as part of a sensory integration issue I have (tied into the whole controversial autism/Asperger's thing). Finally, I take a low dose of an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, or anti-depressant in layman's terms) to keep my 'depression' from destroying me. It keeps me level(ish) during most of the year, but I start flaking around October/November ever year without fail. However, I don't wanna up my dose because I don't want to rely on medication. I'd actually like to come off it, maybe over the summer next year, if I can.
God, I feel weird making a post about depression and disabilities and 'meds'. I feel guilty, as if posting about these things automatically qualifies me as an attention-seeking 'emo' or something XD Wah wah cry-baby go take your meds for your ass-burgers and BAWW sum'more etc. Lol.
So yeah, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Just rather low and unmotivated and a little scared about how I'm gonna pull myself together enough to get my act together at college and keep passing. Jei's going to a wonderful work-experience opportunity in London (or near, anyway) for two weeks very soon, which I'm SO happy for her about - she's spending two weeks at MiracleFX studios, who do the special effects for Doctor Who! I'm so jealous XD;; But yeah, I'm not really looking forward to being alone here for two weeks while my spirits and drive are so low. I can't afford to fall into bad antisocial habits again like sleeping all day or not attending classes. And of course, last year things got really bad with my flatmates and that was when I ended up in hospital after overdosing because I'm a reactionary idiot >_> This year, though, at least I'm in a nice home far away from bad flatmates and constant noise/idiocy.
In case you can't tell, I'm trying to give myself some sort of silly little pep-talk here ^^; Don't mind me.
I think I'm particularly sensitive to serotonin, or more specifically any variations in how much I get. This would make sense, given that I get migraines that seem to be tied into serotonin fluctuations, and I also have trouble with processing sunlight visually as part of a sensory integration issue I have (tied into the whole controversial autism/Asperger's thing). Finally, I take a low dose of an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, or anti-depressant in layman's terms) to keep my 'depression' from destroying me. It keeps me level(ish) during most of the year, but I start flaking around October/November ever year without fail. However, I don't wanna up my dose because I don't want to rely on medication. I'd actually like to come off it, maybe over the summer next year, if I can.
God, I feel weird making a post about depression and disabilities and 'meds'. I feel guilty, as if posting about these things automatically qualifies me as an attention-seeking 'emo' or something XD Wah wah cry-baby go take your meds for your ass-burgers and BAWW sum'more etc. Lol.
So yeah, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Just rather low and unmotivated and a little scared about how I'm gonna pull myself together enough to get my act together at college and keep passing. Jei's going to a wonderful work-experience opportunity in London (or near, anyway) for two weeks very soon, which I'm SO happy for her about - she's spending two weeks at MiracleFX studios, who do the special effects for Doctor Who! I'm so jealous XD;; But yeah, I'm not really looking forward to being alone here for two weeks while my spirits and drive are so low. I can't afford to fall into bad antisocial habits again like sleeping all day or not attending classes. And of course, last year things got really bad with my flatmates and that was when I ended up in hospital after overdosing because I'm a reactionary idiot >_> This year, though, at least I'm in a nice home far away from bad flatmates and constant noise/idiocy.
In case you can't tell, I'm trying to give myself some sort of silly little pep-talk here ^^; Don't mind me.
