Follow-up

[flyboy_fox]

Wow... I don't know what to say, really. When I made that post about whether people thought I was as overweight as my mom seems to think I am, I hoped that at least a couple of LJ friends would respond. I'm pretty much blown away by the response I got. Nearly 30(!) replies... honestly, I started to tear up at one point because I finally felt completely validated. I wasn't wrong. It's a huge relief, you have no idea.

So... from what everyone said, it seems that the general consensus based on the photo I posted is that at best, I look to be a completely healthy and satisfactory weight, and at worst, I have a little bit of extra pudge around my middle and thighs that I could try to lose if I want to but that I'm fine how I am. Not one person said that I was obese or even 'very' overweight. Self-esteem + 1,000!

My mom came into my room last night to ask me about a juicer attachment for our blender, so that I could go on a strict fruit juice fast (I'd thought that was the only way that I'd lose enough weight to make her happy). But I told her that I'd changed my mind. I wasn't going to do the fruit juice diet because I didn't believe that I was 'fat' and that I was happy with how I am. She seemed incredibly disappointed. Offended, even. She's in a bad mood with me now, but eh, what can I do? I'm not going to do a juice fast just for her.

I don't wanna believe that my mom has issues, because she's a superb mom in pretty much every other way that I can think of. But this is something that's been an issue for a while now. It doesn't extend only to me, but to my brother too, only in the opposite way. She's always trying to get him to eat more. She says he's too skinny and needs to put on weight. He's not skinny. He's actually in very good shape - he works out for hours every day and drinks protein shakes as well as having regular meals. Most meal times end with her trying to force second or third helpings on him whilst snarking at me if I want any more. She buys him pizzas to have for lunch, a whole pizza is fine for a meal apparently, but if I want a single slice, I'm greedy and eating badly. I guess it really is kinda messed up.

My mom herself is in really good shape for her age. She eats very healthily and rarely treats herself. But she gets oh-so-mad if I choose to treat myself, especially if she's been extra strict with herself that day. Jei and I both recall how on the day she (Jei) arrived at my house for a visit, she (Jei) brought herself and me pastries from Greggs to have for lunch. When my mom came home and saw the Greggs paper bag, she pretty much had a fit, going on about how she'd been in town that day and hadn't given into the temptation to buy Greggs and how if she'd known we were going to treat ourselves then she would have too since I was obviously breaking my diet... It was embarrassing, really.

Anon brought up a good point, however. Why am I still letting my mom control what I eat at almost 25 years old? Well, the answer is that right now I live in her house and she's supporting me... I'm indebted to her. She buys the food, so if I eat more than she wants me to, then I feel guilty and she gets moody and it's just not a good situation. When I've been employed and able to buy my own food, and when I'm living away from home at Uni, I do have more freedom. But right now, not so much. I wouldn't be able to BE at University if not for her... so rocking the boat just doesn't seem like a good idea.

Anyway, thanks again everyone who replied ;_; I'm really grateful. You guys are the best :)

Comments

[ziggyshadowdust.livejournal.com]

Anon brought up a good point, however. Why am I still letting my mom control what I eat at almost 25 years old? Well, the answer is that right now I live in her house and she's supporting me... I'm indebted to her. She buys the food, so if I eat more than she wants me to, then I feel guilty and she gets moody and it's just not a good situation. When I've been employed and able to buy my own food, and when I'm living away from home at Uni, I do have more freedom. But right now, not so much. I wouldn't be able to BE at University if not for her... so rocking the boat just doesn't seem like a good idea.

Tell her just how much your she means to you, but that you seriously have to draw a line somewhere about what she can and cannot control about your life.

If she persists about this whole weight thing, then it's only fair that your mum must abide to that regime too. You are not obese (I didn't get to say that last entry), and you say that your mum is in good shape. Eat the way your mother does instead of what she says, and if she complains than you can barge her about the same thing in return.

[rainsingingwolf.livejournal.com]

Eat the way your mother does instead of what she says, and if she complains than you can barge her about the same thing in return.

As long as your mother eats healthily, this is an excellent piece of advice.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Wait. Your mother was perfectly okay with you going on a "juice fast?" Your body would have been deprived of essential nutrients, protein, etc., and when you went back to eating "normal", your body would have gained weight even faster since fasting puts you in "starvation mode."
Just... God. Your mom is pissing me off.

[(Anonymous)]

This this this. Human beings are not meant to go on a god damn juice fast.

Thirded!

[teamrodent.livejournal.com]

And soluble fiber, Ask for it by name!

[eclective.livejournal.com]

When my mom came home and saw the Greggs paper bag, she pretty much had a fit, going on about how she'd been in town that day and hadn't given into the temptation to buy Greggs and how if she'd known we were going to treat ourselves then she would have too since I was obviously breaking my diet... It was embarrassing, really.

...wow. It sounds, honestly, like her issues don't have anything to do with what size you are. (I wouldn't even say you're overweight, to be honest. I'm a little bit bigger than you and I think I'm average. And I don't overeat or undereat... I just, you know, eat.) It sounds like she feels resentful that she feels she has to diet and keep in shape and not treat herself, and other people are getting to treat themselves because they don't care as much about being at that super-perfect Ideal Weight (if it's even ideal... I mean, ideal is what you settle at when you eat normally, I think), and that's Not Fair. It sounds like it has little to do with your own weights and more like wanting everyone to be like her. ...yeah, that's pretty messed up.

Good luck!

[rainsingingwolf.livejournal.com]

I agree with this too. From that it sounds like your mom has more problems with herself than you.

[violettsukino.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you love your mom, but I'm also glad you're learning to stand up to her.

[the-terrible.livejournal.com]

"My mom herself is in really good shape for her age. She eats very healthily and rarely treats herself. But she gets oh-so-mad if I choose to treat myself, especially if she's been extra strict with herself that day."

Ahhhhhhh, this is the missing information we needed. Now there's no doubt in my mind she has issues. There was probably something beaten into her head as a child that eventually manifested itself into this. I'm not trying to insult your mom, just so you know; in fact, I feel rather sorry for her, since this is one of those problems you really can't help her with. But your idea of not rocking the boat is the right one. But don't ever let what she says fool for one second into thinking you're fat.

[radioactivepiss.livejournal.com]

Juice fast?!

HELL NO, never do that, please. You'll lose the weight (in a way very bad for you) because you're taking in less than you need and using your reserves up, probably go back to your normal diet, take in about as much as you do need, your body will stop panicking as a result and, being in starvation mode and just take extra to replenish 'supplies'. Then you'll put the weight on again. Repeat.

Not to mention all the important nutritional things you miss. D: D: D: Baaad things, diets like that. ;A;

[peonyopal.livejournal.com]

*Nods* I know what you mean by rocking the boat, Though parents/supporters can be strict, they're still being kind enough to give you a place to live, food to eat and, hell, even spending money. Its hard to just.. Go against something they say because its like, What if they get really upset with me or kick me out. And stuff. Yeah. All I can really say though is if you're hungry, eat. You've got to remember if you starve yourself your body is going to take -everything- you give it and store it rather than using it. So you'll just get more lethargic and stuff. *Hugs on*

[chocomookielove.livejournal.com]

Hey, I eat whole pizzas for a meal!
But only with my dad, because he's convinced that Mom is starving me.

[antthetitch.livejournal.com]

My parents make me buy my own snacks, they just provide the meals. That way they allow me to eat as much as I like and they won't care, so long as I eat the meals. Though I suppose as your not in work right now u dont get that advantage.

I just don't get why people are so fussed about what their kids eat. If they are abnormally skinny or obese then I could understand but really they should leave them to make their own decisions