Jun. 3rd, 2011

flyboy_fox: (I'm a free bitch baby~!)
Bwahaha, Miles is kind of adorable when he's being hit on by a girl XD I know, 'Miles' and 'adorable' should never go in the same sentence together, but he's just so awkward when a girl is trying to flirt with him and he doesn't know what the fuck to do. If he's this bad online, I can only imagine that if a girl kissed him on the cheek IRL he'd just... spontaneously combust or something :P Haha.

Aaanyway, weather sure is nice right now >_> Too bad it's not going to stay this way for long. My mum is going on vacation to Marrakesh (in Morocco) with her friends next week, so I'll be here by myself for a few days. Jei's going to try to travel down for at least the last part of the week, but it depends on how near she is to finishing up at Uni.

Tomorrow I'm going to go back to the doctor and ask about getting a blood test to rule out a thyroid problem. This anxiety thing hasn't gotten any better, and my mum's friend had similar problems until she was diagnosed with an hyperactive thyroid gland, and the treatment for that made her anxiety problems go away completely. Of course, it might not be that at all. Maybe there's no physical cause. But it's worth screening for at any rate, especially before making a decision about the anxiety/depression SNRI medication and/or expensive CBT (of which there's none locally - nearest is two hours away). I'm also going to pop into the Community Mental Health Resource Centre that supposedly exists in town and see if they have any advices for me.

Miles and Scrog have been hanging out a lot lately, which is good. They seem to be - finally - acting like old friends rather than enemies or cold acquaintances. I know they never ever had a close fluffy relationship like Jei/Sonic and I have/had, but they were in a gang together and sorta looked out for each other begrudgingly before Scrog went insane with power, so... yeah. I won't get too much into their personal business, but I'm glad they're not at each other's throats any more and actually managed to find some common ground.

Scrog's tapping Jei's artistic prowess to make some Archie-based statuettes for our table at Summer of Sonic. Time permitting, he should be able to get Scourge, Miles and Alicia done. That would be pretty cool. Haha, someone on SSMB pointed out to me that TSS (The Sonic Stadium) should be controlled by the Suppression Squad, because TSS is the same initials as The Suppression Squad. Lol.

Nguhhh, I think the worst thing right now is that either I'm feeling crappy because I'm depressed and anxious, OR I feel better but then I start worrying that I'm only feeling good because I'm about to have another migraine and my mind is playing tricks on me, and then I get anxious and depressed about THAT :P Oh, brain. Why so counter-productive?

Bed now. Yeeeeessssss.
flyboy_fox: (*sigh*)
Nnnguh, I'm having a bad day for anxiety, today. I had to go into town to sign in at the Job Centre and go to the doctor again. My mum and I had lunch at a café and I was pleasantly surprised when I could only manage one half of the panini before feeling totally full. Stomach must be getting used to the smaller portions. Even my mum, who's very critical about my weight, says I look pretty good right now and that I'm getting back to how I was when I was 'slim' ♥

Anyway, I made an appointment with the nurse to have my bloodwork done on Tuesday June 14th, which is a week and a half from now. I wish it were sooner, because I can't make an informed decision about anxiety medication until I rule out hyperthyroidism as a cause. It also means I won't get anything done and sorted before SoS, which is worrying me a fair bit, but I'll manage. I don't like having blood taken (who does?), but at least I'm no longer needle-phobic. I got over that a few years ago when I decided to go have all my jabs and vaccinations that I didn't have done when I was a child because I wouldn't let them near me with a needle ^^;

When I got home, I had one hell of a headache over my eyes, probably just the result of being out in the hot sun across the hottest part of the day, so I took a nap and fell into a pretty deep sleep. When I woke up, it was in the grips of a really nasty panic attack, which has subsided mostly now, but the anxiety never seems to really go away. I want to be free from it. One way or another, I will be eventually.

Miles is in a pretty melancholy and sort of morose mood this evening (holy hell, it's almost 10pm?!) after a Sonic'kin friend told me they'd possibly 'communicated' with Alicia briefly. I know Miles would really like to talk to her himself, but unfortunately we don't seem to have that kind of connection with 'other places'. We're very much static - here, now, with memories, identities and beliefs, but absolutely no 'abilities' to connect with other places or dimensions. Very human, very ordinary, no access to the amazing soulscapes and headworlds that a lot of my fic'kin and soulbonder friends seem to experience. I'm not envious, but I would love to know what it's like to feel actively connected to other places and people and things beyond one's singular mind. Oops, tangent. But yeah, if Miles would try to make other friends, he'd probably be less isolated... but he's not a 'people person' and really only seems to want to talk to Alicia. I miss my Sally too, but it's not the same. I'm more removed from that lifetime and the people I knew then, and I have a whole life built here. I wish I could make Alicia show up somehow, because I actually do give a damn about Miles (I have to for the sake of my own mental health :P). But still, he could make more of an effort, too.

I actually watched Britain's Got Talent for once this evening. All I can say is 'LOL'. The woman with the 'singing' dog, hahaha. And WTF was that eyeball guy all about? How did he even get to the semi-finals? The last two acts were class, though. I like traditional talent, and I also like Matrix-inspired stuff, even if it's overplayed by now... so... yeah. I feel bad, but the boys rapping about their grandpa kind of made me cringe. It's an awesome tribute, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't call one song redone twice and entirely rapped 'talent'. I dunno.

Ugh, it's actually too hot and stuffy in my room for once. Usually it's freezing in here and I'm shivering even with a sweater, blanket, slippers, hot water bottle and a hot mug of tea :P But today it's actually really close and humid. Tomorrow's supposed to be another scorcher (by UK June standards), but then the temperatures are going to drop from 24C to 17C and then 14C within the next couple of days. Boo!

I was talking to my mum in the car about the latest Doctor Who (POSSIBLE SPOILERS?) and I realised that the whole Amy-being-one-of-the-flesh-and-not-actually-Amy thing rang kind of familiar. Then I realised what it reminded me of - the arc in Archie Sonic where Mammoth Mogul captures Tails and uses him, in his Turbo form, as a power source. Meanwhile, he's replaced Tails with an identical clone with all Tails' memories and personality and physical traits, who has no idea that he's a clone. He continues to go with Sonic on missions, with no one any the wiser about the deception, until he starts having weird dreams leading him to the location where the real Tails is being held. And then Sonic has to make the heartbreaking decision to free the real Tails and destroy the perfectly innocent clone. Of course the story's not identical, but certain elements are so similar. In both cases, most of the cast are unaware of the deception, and the audience doesn't fully know either, but is given hints and clues (more so in Archie). Tails is drawn to the location of the real Tails via dreams, whereas Amy keeps seeing a window and the woman with the eye-patch hinting at the location of the real Amy. And in the end, both the Doctor and Sonic have to destroy the clone of their best friend, despite having full knowledge that the clone considers itself to be the real deal with all the same memories, emotions and fears. It's a story that's been done in many different mediums, and a powerful one... That arc in Archie hit me hard at the time, and I wrote a fic based on it, which is one of my very few completed pieces of Sonic fanfiction. That was a while ago, but the Doctor Who current storyline made me think about it all over again. Heh. It really is so true that there are no truly original ideas in fiction, and haven't been for thousands of years, but the quality of the telling of them is what makes them powerful. (I'm going to be really blasphemous here and say that I think Archie did it better, but that's mostly because I just didn't find the acting or script in The Rebel Flesh and The Almost People to be very believable or good, even if the concept of the two-parter itself was brilliant).

Oy, I've babbled on for far too long now :P Bye!


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