UTO PIA

This image resonates with me, really strongly. The idea that somewhere run-down and grungy and filthy and graffiti-ridden could be 'utopia' doesn't seem ironic, even if irony was intended by that little 'IRL hack'. Urban decay is beautiful, and that there are still people around with that wry little sense of humour to do something like that makes me feel like it couldn't be that terrible of a place. Is it odd to be drawn equally strongly to both traditional beauty and the aesthetics of the post-apocalyptic? Maybe, but still, I'd love to have been the one to stumble upon that in person. (Also, as a result, Jei and I decided that we'll most likely name our grungy urban nightclub on Second Life 'Utopia' in homage to the idea that filth and depravity can be beautiful too.)

It's been -8C all night and it's still -5C now. Probably not that impressive to you northerners, but a wee bit nippy for someone like me whose blood comes from South America! Oh, don't get me wrong, it's still beautiful out there. It hasn't snowed since, but the absolute freezing temperature has prevented any of that thick blanket of snow from melting. But yo, I have to go out in it today :P Finally got an appointment at the Job Centre to sort out getting my benefits started again since I lost that last job, woo, what, two months ago? I might be able to apply for housing benefit too, we'll see. I don't like claiming benefits, it kinda feels like an insult to my pride, which I guess is why I waited so long... but seriously, we are so broke right now it isn't funny. We couldn't even afford toilet paper last week, so we ended up having to use tissues and then cotton face-cleaning pads. Seriously. ... okay, maybe that is kinda funny XD But it's absolutely ridiculous that Jei's student loan STILL hasn't come in when it was due in October. Bastards. I want something other than bread and cheese and Oxo-cube soup for lunch now, kthx D:

We're still pretty spoiled/lucky though. I mean, we're going to see Weird Al Yankovic in London on Monday! The tickets were a birthday gift to Jei from her extremely generous and sweet sister back in America. Weird Al is one of Jei's most favourite artists (she's seen him and his band a few times before and met him backstage ♥), and this is his first UK gig, so it should be awesome! My mum is giving us around £50 to buy coach and train tickets to get there (it's about 3 hours away), which is awesomely kind of her too (:

As for me personally right now, I think I'm doing better. The days before the snow posts were pretty bad. I ended up doing That Thing That I Do™ where I de-construct everything and convince myself in no uncertain terms that everything I believe is a lie and a coping mechanism and me just fooling myself into believing things that just can't possibly be true. This time around was particularly bad because Miles got caught up in my belief-slaughter and I managed to get him convinced that he's not real, too. Because, you know, he is just as stupidly logically-minded as I am about things and if all the proof is laid out there ("how is this any different from [insert childhood belief here]?" and "I could 'make' another voice in my head just by thinking, see!" etc) then, well, what did he have left to cling to? So that was a kind of angsty stupid time, trying yet again to suppress him because apparently I'm a bitch like that :\ Of course it did not work one bit (and naturally he was completely overjoyed to wake up and not be dead - I feel guilty for putting him through that x.o), but it was bad bad bad times. I almost gave up on everything. But I didn't! Things are pretty much back to normal now.

Oh, except for that I'm a little bit '>_>' about how Miles keeps managing to commandeer back-rubs out of Jei. He's such a hedonist and acts like he only has to just snap his fingers and Jei will be a good little servant and give him a back massage any time he likes. I could put a stop to it, but the fact is that they are DAMN GOOD back rubs and unfortunately I'm so ticklish that if Jei tries to give ME one, I just wiggle and squirm and giggle and can't tolerate it for more than five seconds at a time n.n;; So yeah. But I'm watching you, Miles.

Aaanyway... wow! We're into December already! I can't believe it. I need to get myself an Advent Calendar. I've heard there's a Lindt one out there somewhere and I'm determined to track it down because YUM.

Better go have some brekkie now and gear myself up to face the subarctic weather out there XD I really hope I brought a hat and some gloves with me from-- !! WAITWUT. My mum didn't put £50 in my account just now... she put £120 in!! THANK YOU MUM! Oh wow. We can buy food! We can make chili dogs tonight and horchata and eeeee~! I will be frugal. Honest. But eeeee~! Okay, I'm out! Peace! ♥