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So, yeah... ^^;;
Nov. 15th, 2006 09:18 amI'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Well I guess that's okay then o.o
Sorry for lack of updates latelynot that anyone's noticed, I'm sure.
Some of you who've been on my friends list for a while will know that I occasionally suffer from moderately severe depression. I say 'moderate' rather than 'extreme', because to put it in perspective, I'm not suicidal and I'm still able to mostly function. But it's not been good lately. Yesterday I had a small breakdown at college. I dragged myself to class and managed to get through the first half of Sociology (a class I normally enjoy), but I started feeling worse as the lesson progressed. I know some of you know what depression is like... it's not just about feeling 'low'. It can be quite frightening. My mind was playing tricks on me, cycling some quite scary repetitive thoughts obsessively through my head. When it got to the point where certain things in the lesson were triggering those thoughts and they were really taking over my entire thinking process, I got pretty scared. During the mid-lesson break, I called my mom up in tears and told her I felt sure I was going insane, and could she come and help me. She said she'd try to get away from work at lunchtime... I didn't force her to come immediately because the Children's Centre where she works is having its OFSTED inspection this week, and they're SO busy. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I went to reception and asked if I could speak to a counsellor. I then spent the next part of the morning in the welfare office sobbing uncontrollably while the REALLY nice welfare officer talked to me while we waited for my mom. My mom managed to slip away early and come to the college, and I talked with her and the welfare people for a little while. I collected my work from class so that I can finish it at home for next week, and I went back with my mom to the centre, where I waited in the staff room for a bit, and then talked with the support lady who works there. She gave my mom a couple of names of psychiatrists that she said are really good. There's such stigma attached to seeing a shrink, but if it helps... Anyway, my mom took me home after that then she had to go back to work. At home, I felt so drained and listless, I just lay in bed and slept on and off until my mom got home again. Then we called NHS Direct to ask for advice, and I spoke to a nurse who was kinda... cold. She didn't really help, but it was worth a try anyway. Then I had dinner, despite not being hungry, and came online for a tiny bit. I ended up going to bed much earlier than usual. I feel a little better today, and my mom said I could go in and help her and the staff at the centre later by doing some computer work for them if I want to. I might... it'd be good to get out of the house, I think.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor the day before yesterday actually, before things got as bad as yesterday. He immediately prescribed me antidepressants without even hearing me out or checking my medical record. He also told me they're 'perfectly safe; you could take the whole pack in one go if you wanted and they wouldn't harm you'. Uh-huh. I'll remember that for when I have a bad day >.> He also spouted a lot of other bullshit, and laughed in my face when I asked if there was any chance of getting a referral. Nice. I have lost my faith in the NHS. Too bad private care is so expensive. I'll try to manage by myself then.
Anyway, that's about the gist of it.
Oh! I went to the Weston-super-Mare Illuminated Carnival on Monday night. It was AWESOME o.o I've never seen such amazing floats... the photos don't do it justice, it was superb. Plus, I bought a pack of glow sticks! :D Glow sticks are fuuuun. :P So yeah. That was cool ^^ I'll definitely go again next year.
Guess that's it for now. I'll try not to neglect LJ so much ^^; ehh.
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Well I guess that's okay then o.o
Sorry for lack of updates lately
Some of you who've been on my friends list for a while will know that I occasionally suffer from moderately severe depression. I say 'moderate' rather than 'extreme', because to put it in perspective, I'm not suicidal and I'm still able to mostly function. But it's not been good lately. Yesterday I had a small breakdown at college. I dragged myself to class and managed to get through the first half of Sociology (a class I normally enjoy), but I started feeling worse as the lesson progressed. I know some of you know what depression is like... it's not just about feeling 'low'. It can be quite frightening. My mind was playing tricks on me, cycling some quite scary repetitive thoughts obsessively through my head. When it got to the point where certain things in the lesson were triggering those thoughts and they were really taking over my entire thinking process, I got pretty scared. During the mid-lesson break, I called my mom up in tears and told her I felt sure I was going insane, and could she come and help me. She said she'd try to get away from work at lunchtime... I didn't force her to come immediately because the Children's Centre where she works is having its OFSTED inspection this week, and they're SO busy. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I went to reception and asked if I could speak to a counsellor. I then spent the next part of the morning in the welfare office sobbing uncontrollably while the REALLY nice welfare officer talked to me while we waited for my mom. My mom managed to slip away early and come to the college, and I talked with her and the welfare people for a little while. I collected my work from class so that I can finish it at home for next week, and I went back with my mom to the centre, where I waited in the staff room for a bit, and then talked with the support lady who works there. She gave my mom a couple of names of psychiatrists that she said are really good. There's such stigma attached to seeing a shrink, but if it helps... Anyway, my mom took me home after that then she had to go back to work. At home, I felt so drained and listless, I just lay in bed and slept on and off until my mom got home again. Then we called NHS Direct to ask for advice, and I spoke to a nurse who was kinda... cold. She didn't really help, but it was worth a try anyway. Then I had dinner, despite not being hungry, and came online for a tiny bit. I ended up going to bed much earlier than usual. I feel a little better today, and my mom said I could go in and help her and the staff at the centre later by doing some computer work for them if I want to. I might... it'd be good to get out of the house, I think.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor the day before yesterday actually, before things got as bad as yesterday. He immediately prescribed me antidepressants without even hearing me out or checking my medical record. He also told me they're 'perfectly safe; you could take the whole pack in one go if you wanted and they wouldn't harm you'. Uh-huh. I'll remember that for when I have a bad day >.> He also spouted a lot of other bullshit, and laughed in my face when I asked if there was any chance of getting a referral. Nice. I have lost my faith in the NHS. Too bad private care is so expensive. I'll try to manage by myself then.
Anyway, that's about the gist of it.
Oh! I went to the Weston-super-Mare Illuminated Carnival on Monday night. It was AWESOME o.o I've never seen such amazing floats... the photos don't do it justice, it was superb. Plus, I bought a pack of glow sticks! :D Glow sticks are fuuuun. :P So yeah. That was cool ^^ I'll definitely go again next year.
Guess that's it for now. I'll try not to neglect LJ so much ^^; ehh.
