Breaking the habit
Sep. 9th, 2008 09:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxOkay, I discussed this with Jei-ji and I decided this is probably a good time to make my final confession. I'm hoping my LJ friends will understand why I haven't openly stated this before (although a good percent of you already know). This is important because it's something I can't hide 'IRL', and as I'm off to university now, I really don't want to be struggling with keeping my 'IRL' life and my 'online' life separate. So here it is:
I am a girl.
Biologically, I am female. Ever since the age of about 12 or 13, possibly even earlier, I've identified pretty much solidly as male or neuter. I've sought out androgyny and found acceptance online being myself and identifying with male pronouns which have always felt easier to me. It's less that I feel I was born the 'wrong' gender, and more that I don't feel like gender is part of my identity at all, and I would be completely androgynous if I could do so. However, in this binary world where there is male and there is female, I am much more comfortable being seen as male.
I am sorry to break the illusion. There was no intended deceit. I have only ever been myself. I promise you all that I am not hiding anything else and that I have now pretty much laid my soul bare over the past few weeks :\ I want to go into Uni feeling that I am presenting the same person there as I am here, and vice-versa.
So here are a couple of photographs where my physical gender is obvious:
I 'came out' on SSMB about a month ago, and now I'm finally doing it where it matters most. I'm terrified, really. It's up to you whether you continue to view me in the same light as before or not, and if I have pissed anyone off, of course I am deeply sorry. I am still the same Jai, regardless of my physical gender. But I don't feel completely honest unless I'm letting you see what would be entirely obvious to anyone meeting me in person. Because online friends are as important to me as 'IRL' ones.
Thanks for your time; gonna run and hide now ._.;;
Edit: Andy just pointed out to me that there's a pic of me on Sega Europe's Flickr (the Summer of Sonic album) showing me manning the Comics Area, which apparently had already ousted me a while ago ^^; Fair's fair, I suppose?
I am a girl.
Biologically, I am female. Ever since the age of about 12 or 13, possibly even earlier, I've identified pretty much solidly as male or neuter. I've sought out androgyny and found acceptance online being myself and identifying with male pronouns which have always felt easier to me. It's less that I feel I was born the 'wrong' gender, and more that I don't feel like gender is part of my identity at all, and I would be completely androgynous if I could do so. However, in this binary world where there is male and there is female, I am much more comfortable being seen as male.
I am sorry to break the illusion. There was no intended deceit. I have only ever been myself. I promise you all that I am not hiding anything else and that I have now pretty much laid my soul bare over the past few weeks :\ I want to go into Uni feeling that I am presenting the same person there as I am here, and vice-versa.
So here are a couple of photographs where my physical gender is obvious:
I 'came out' on SSMB about a month ago, and now I'm finally doing it where it matters most. I'm terrified, really. It's up to you whether you continue to view me in the same light as before or not, and if I have pissed anyone off, of course I am deeply sorry. I am still the same Jai, regardless of my physical gender. But I don't feel completely honest unless I'm letting you see what would be entirely obvious to anyone meeting me in person. Because online friends are as important to me as 'IRL' ones.
Thanks for your time; gonna run and hide now ._.;;
Edit: Andy just pointed out to me that there's a pic of me on Sega Europe's Flickr (the Summer of Sonic album) showing me manning the Comics Area, which apparently had already ousted me a while ago ^^; Fair's fair, I suppose?
