Blah blah blah :P
Mar. 6th, 2008 10:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxAlright, I confess... I've been feeling a little cruddy again these past few days. It gets to a point where I don't want to admit it... my brain tells me "Don't you dare post another 'I'm depressed' entry on LJ! I'm warning you! Suck it up!". But y'know... admitting I'm a little low shouldn't be a crime. I have no intentions of threatening self-harm or wailing about how and unfair my life is. I just feel like typing up how I feel, and lately it's not been brilliant.
There are a number of things I can ascribe it to, which make sense. The past week's been a bit of a nightmare. With the storm damage to our house which ripped our back door clean off, and the very real threat of bailiff action on a debt that wasn't even ours, and my father letting me down in the worst way possible after I sacrificed my pride to give him another chance, and then BU still not contacting me, despite it being 10 days by tomorrow. It's enough to justify a sense of discontent, don't you think? Do I need justification? Perhaps it should just be alright to say 'I feel blue' and just be done with it. Feeling less-than-stellar is only an issue if you use it to bring others down or to rely on them to lift you up.
Today probably aggravated it because I wasn't well. Stomach cramps and lots of bathroom trips and at one point I threw up, just a bit of phlegm, but ugh.So I spent most of the day in bed in the foetal position. Stomach still hurts but I think I'm over the worst of it.
I'm trying to be productive, even if my heart isn't fully in it. I'm selling some stuff on eBay, and I've already sold three or four games and made about £50 profit (after shipping/envelopes/listing fees etc). I'm gonna get some more stuff up tomorrow, mostly Pokémon stuff. Some signed mangas, a clock, some figurines and stamps... there's a few rare/Japan-only things in there. Should be interesting to see if anyone bites, and I guess I can always cross-post to a couple of the Pokémon comms I'm in to garner some more interest.
Also, I applied for a couple of jobs via PerTemps. One of them didn't even make it to interview stage because they're looking for someone with more customer service experience than me (even though the job looks piss-easy). It was £9/hr, too, which would have been niiiice. There's a £6.50p/h general admin job that's possibly interested, though, so I need to get down to the agency so they can 'assess' me. I have a typing speed of 48wpm, which isn't great (I don't touch-type), but it's well above the 35wpm minimum they usually look for, so I should be okay. Literacy and numeracy tests are never a problem either. As long as I don't mess up spectacularly by switching into American English mode or reading x as +, which I've been known to do in the past. Haha, simple mess-ups are always far more epic than complex ones. I was the kid in school who could do calculus but couldn't add 5 + 7 mentally XD; (To be honest, I still don't know my tables past 5 >.> 6 x 8 = wha'?).
I have... to find my passion again, so that I don't fall into one of those hopeless 'nothing matters' cycles that breeds only negativity because that's all it consists of. The 'passion' comes and goes in ripples. The other night I made an icon and wrote a little ficlet. It was like for a moment I found that drive again that makes me want to create and lets me feel what 'fandom' is like again. Then it fades away and everything becomes dull and monochrome again. But I know it's there; I haven't lost it. It's just being painfully elusive 'cause the mists have rolled in and covered it from view so that it can only vaguely be glimpsed every now and then when the sun shines and clears it a little.
I need one of those fog-clearing air-cannons.
I also need sleep ^^; Thanks for letting me vent as usual, LJ.
There are a number of things I can ascribe it to, which make sense. The past week's been a bit of a nightmare. With the storm damage to our house which ripped our back door clean off, and the very real threat of bailiff action on a debt that wasn't even ours, and my father letting me down in the worst way possible after I sacrificed my pride to give him another chance, and then BU still not contacting me, despite it being 10 days by tomorrow. It's enough to justify a sense of discontent, don't you think? Do I need justification? Perhaps it should just be alright to say 'I feel blue' and just be done with it. Feeling less-than-stellar is only an issue if you use it to bring others down or to rely on them to lift you up.
Today probably aggravated it because I wasn't well. Stomach cramps and lots of bathroom trips and at one point I threw up, just a bit of phlegm, but ugh.So I spent most of the day in bed in the foetal position. Stomach still hurts but I think I'm over the worst of it.
I'm trying to be productive, even if my heart isn't fully in it. I'm selling some stuff on eBay, and I've already sold three or four games and made about £50 profit (after shipping/envelopes/listing fees etc). I'm gonna get some more stuff up tomorrow, mostly Pokémon stuff. Some signed mangas, a clock, some figurines and stamps... there's a few rare/Japan-only things in there. Should be interesting to see if anyone bites, and I guess I can always cross-post to a couple of the Pokémon comms I'm in to garner some more interest.
Also, I applied for a couple of jobs via PerTemps. One of them didn't even make it to interview stage because they're looking for someone with more customer service experience than me (even though the job looks piss-easy). It was £9/hr, too, which would have been niiiice. There's a £6.50p/h general admin job that's possibly interested, though, so I need to get down to the agency so they can 'assess' me. I have a typing speed of 48wpm, which isn't great (I don't touch-type), but it's well above the 35wpm minimum they usually look for, so I should be okay. Literacy and numeracy tests are never a problem either. As long as I don't mess up spectacularly by switching into American English mode or reading x as +, which I've been known to do in the past. Haha, simple mess-ups are always far more epic than complex ones. I was the kid in school who could do calculus but couldn't add 5 + 7 mentally XD; (To be honest, I still don't know my tables past 5 >.> 6 x 8 = wha'?).
I have... to find my passion again, so that I don't fall into one of those hopeless 'nothing matters' cycles that breeds only negativity because that's all it consists of. The 'passion' comes and goes in ripples. The other night I made an icon and wrote a little ficlet. It was like for a moment I found that drive again that makes me want to create and lets me feel what 'fandom' is like again. Then it fades away and everything becomes dull and monochrome again. But I know it's there; I haven't lost it. It's just being painfully elusive 'cause the mists have rolled in and covered it from view so that it can only vaguely be glimpsed every now and then when the sun shines and clears it a little.
I need one of those fog-clearing air-cannons.
I also need sleep ^^; Thanks for letting me vent as usual, LJ.
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-07 06:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-07 10:46 am (UTC)Sorry to hear that you are down though =( *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-03-07 12:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-07 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-08 10:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-08 11:06 am (UTC)I know how hard it is to struggle with things like that. I know it probably doesnt help much, but all I can say is, hang in there. But hey, look at the bright side, Super smash bros brawl comes out tomorrow. :)
p.s. you should get on aim once in a while. we haven't talked in forever. : )
no subject
Date: 2008-03-08 06:11 pm (UTC)