~... and Lady Mondegreen~
Feb. 4th, 2008 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxFff... today was "one of those days". This is gonna be a li'l ranty, so feel free to skip...
My dad feels like guilt-tripping me at the moment. Long story short, my brother was in London for the bulk of the last two weeks, staying with friends from when we lived back there. He was supposed to be bringing my (elderly) dad back with him to stay with us for a few days. My dad currently lives in a shared council apartment in pretty crappy conditions. Anyone who's known me a while will know it's his own fault that his life went that way, but still... he's my dad. I want him to be okay, even if I'm still resentful for the things he's done (or, mostly, hasn't done). But my brother, being the lazy angry little sod that he is decided randomly that he wasn't gonna do it, so he came back here without my dad, and didn't even contact my dad to say so... So my dad was sitting in his grotty little room, suitcase packed, waiting for my brother... who just never showed. My dad's been calling here ever since, pointing out to me how sad he is and how awful his living condition are... and I feel BAD for him, but I don't drive and I have no money to pay a £60 train fare for him... :\ If I did, I'd go get him... but... I don't. Ugh. So today on the phone it was something like this (he's not retarded, just doesn't speak perfect English 'cause it's not his native language XD):
Dad: So, you have lunch?
Me: Yeah, we just had it.
Dad: What you have?
Me: Roast dinner...
Dad: What you have with it?
Me: Oh, it was pork...
Dad: And what else?
Me: Um... potatoes... vegetables...
Dad: And gravy? And what wine you have?
Me: I just have water, usually...
Dad: Oh. Do you want to know what it is I have for lunch?
Me: What did you have?
Dad: I have an apple and a little slice of cheese.
Me: ... ._.;; Dad... that's not enough...
Dad: Is fine.
So yeah, stuff like that. Maybe he doesn't even mean to do it. It just makes me feel really bad, even though I know it's not my fault, and I do what I can for him... I was giving him about £75 every couple weeks when I was earning, and I'll do so again when I get a job again, which hopefully won't be too long at all. Man, I get so torn. My dad's never been here for his family... he's stubborn, arrogant, misguided... he's also racist, anti-semitic, sexist, and totally obsessed with 'class' in society. Yet he's an old man, raised in South America in a Jesuit boarding school and now 80 years old. He's a product of many things, but the fact remains, he's my father. For all his faults and failings, and even if much of the time I feel that I hate him... I love him. I don't want him to suffer in a horrible cold little bedsit, even if I'm not sure I could bear to live with him. So, it eats me up inside sometimes.
Aside from that, I'm getting pissed off at my AIM screenname. Everywhere else, I'm Flyboy Fox. But on AIM I'm Flyboy Tails. Because Flyboy Fox was TAKEN. I feel like hunting down the person who stole my alias and challenging them to a deathmatch. Nah, it's fine really... just it bugs me sometimes, because I like things to match. Hannelore from the Questionable Content webcomic reminds me of me sometimes with her obsessive behaviors. Granted, I'm not as bad as that! (I used to almost be XD;;) But yeah, on one of my 'stressed out days', I get kinda OCD. Heh, when I was little, I was obsessed with even numbers... I would do math in my head to turn all odd numbers into even numbers, and that would calm me. If I was offered three candies, I'd only take two. If I had to take three, I'd break one in half. If I was in the shower and I did a full turn to reach the shampoo, I'd have to do a full turn the other way to even it out. All that kinda stuff. So yeah, not so bad now, but my weird little control issues crop up every now and then. IT DOES NOT MATCH! ARGH!! ::Flail::
My mom is kinda pissed at me today, too. I think she's just stressed and tired... she works way more than any person should have to. She has a full-time job AND a part-time job, and she's been working Saturdays most of the past month, too, and then doing all the shopping etc etc on Sunday. She's been chewing me out about using my space heater too much. Also, for not tidying my room. And for being moody XD; I feel like a li'l kid again. Actually, I sarcastically said "Yes mooom..." the other day when she asked me to do something, before realizing that's kinda redundant as a sarcastic retort when she actually IS my mom n.n;; Oh well...
Yesterday was, I think, Knuckles 'official' birthday. If it was, then sorry Knux! I meant to make a quick post, but I totally forgot! So, a belated Happy Birthday to Knuckles. It would be nice to see you around :)
So, Jei-ji's computer exploded. Well, maybe it didn't explode (although that would've been cool o.o), but it died a death. Blue-screen of doom, missing/corrupt hal.dll Win32 file, and all that jazz. I bet she accidentally wiped it with all that un-installing she was doing... Not her fault :\ Some programs like to eat that file as revenge for un-installing them. Bastards. Anyway, it might be easy enough to sort if she had a WinXP disk, but she doesn't. As per many laptops, the software was pre-installed and there's no back-up disk. I found the .dll file, but I haven't a clue how one would go about re-installing it on a machine that's completely blue-screened and won't even run Safe Mode. If she could get into the Recovery Console, maybe... But her dad may be able to get it sorted at his work tomorrow, so perhaps crisis shall be averted. I am so tempted to make a HAL 9000 joke right now... ._. But... I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
... Damn.
Ahem. Anyway. So yeah. Blah. BLEH. And other sounds of annoyance and discontent. At least there are positives in the near future. Jei will be here in two weeks to spend Feb 16th - Feb 25th with me :) Just gotta keep looking forward towards that... it's so soon.
But alas, t'is time for me to be sleeping. Bedtime. Ya. Night-night.
Edit: I now understand the Aerosmith lyric "You make a grown man cry~yy". It has to be a reference to my cat Fox. Being woken in the dead of night by a cat who WON'T STOP MEWING until you go downstairs in the PITCH BLACK to feed him... yep. I wanna cry. I can has sleep now? x.x
My dad feels like guilt-tripping me at the moment. Long story short, my brother was in London for the bulk of the last two weeks, staying with friends from when we lived back there. He was supposed to be bringing my (elderly) dad back with him to stay with us for a few days. My dad currently lives in a shared council apartment in pretty crappy conditions. Anyone who's known me a while will know it's his own fault that his life went that way, but still... he's my dad. I want him to be okay, even if I'm still resentful for the things he's done (or, mostly, hasn't done). But my brother, being the lazy angry little sod that he is decided randomly that he wasn't gonna do it, so he came back here without my dad, and didn't even contact my dad to say so... So my dad was sitting in his grotty little room, suitcase packed, waiting for my brother... who just never showed. My dad's been calling here ever since, pointing out to me how sad he is and how awful his living condition are... and I feel BAD for him, but I don't drive and I have no money to pay a £60 train fare for him... :\ If I did, I'd go get him... but... I don't. Ugh. So today on the phone it was something like this (he's not retarded, just doesn't speak perfect English 'cause it's not his native language XD):
Dad: So, you have lunch?
Me: Yeah, we just had it.
Dad: What you have?
Me: Roast dinner...
Dad: What you have with it?
Me: Oh, it was pork...
Dad: And what else?
Me: Um... potatoes... vegetables...
Dad: And gravy? And what wine you have?
Me: I just have water, usually...
Dad: Oh. Do you want to know what it is I have for lunch?
Me: What did you have?
Dad: I have an apple and a little slice of cheese.
Me: ... ._.;; Dad... that's not enough...
Dad: Is fine.
So yeah, stuff like that. Maybe he doesn't even mean to do it. It just makes me feel really bad, even though I know it's not my fault, and I do what I can for him... I was giving him about £75 every couple weeks when I was earning, and I'll do so again when I get a job again, which hopefully won't be too long at all. Man, I get so torn. My dad's never been here for his family... he's stubborn, arrogant, misguided... he's also racist, anti-semitic, sexist, and totally obsessed with 'class' in society. Yet he's an old man, raised in South America in a Jesuit boarding school and now 80 years old. He's a product of many things, but the fact remains, he's my father. For all his faults and failings, and even if much of the time I feel that I hate him... I love him. I don't want him to suffer in a horrible cold little bedsit, even if I'm not sure I could bear to live with him. So, it eats me up inside sometimes.
Aside from that, I'm getting pissed off at my AIM screenname. Everywhere else, I'm Flyboy Fox. But on AIM I'm Flyboy Tails. Because Flyboy Fox was TAKEN. I feel like hunting down the person who stole my alias and challenging them to a deathmatch. Nah, it's fine really... just it bugs me sometimes, because I like things to match. Hannelore from the Questionable Content webcomic reminds me of me sometimes with her obsessive behaviors. Granted, I'm not as bad as that! (I used to almost be XD;;) But yeah, on one of my 'stressed out days', I get kinda OCD. Heh, when I was little, I was obsessed with even numbers... I would do math in my head to turn all odd numbers into even numbers, and that would calm me. If I was offered three candies, I'd only take two. If I had to take three, I'd break one in half. If I was in the shower and I did a full turn to reach the shampoo, I'd have to do a full turn the other way to even it out. All that kinda stuff. So yeah, not so bad now, but my weird little control issues crop up every now and then. IT DOES NOT MATCH! ARGH!! ::Flail::
My mom is kinda pissed at me today, too. I think she's just stressed and tired... she works way more than any person should have to. She has a full-time job AND a part-time job, and she's been working Saturdays most of the past month, too, and then doing all the shopping etc etc on Sunday. She's been chewing me out about using my space heater too much. Also, for not tidying my room. And for being moody XD; I feel like a li'l kid again. Actually, I sarcastically said "Yes mooom..." the other day when she asked me to do something, before realizing that's kinda redundant as a sarcastic retort when she actually IS my mom n.n;; Oh well...
Yesterday was, I think, Knuckles 'official' birthday. If it was, then sorry Knux! I meant to make a quick post, but I totally forgot! So, a belated Happy Birthday to Knuckles. It would be nice to see you around :)
So, Jei-ji's computer exploded. Well, maybe it didn't explode (although that would've been cool o.o), but it died a death. Blue-screen of doom, missing/corrupt hal.dll Win32 file, and all that jazz. I bet she accidentally wiped it with all that un-installing she was doing... Not her fault :\ Some programs like to eat that file as revenge for un-installing them. Bastards. Anyway, it might be easy enough to sort if she had a WinXP disk, but she doesn't. As per many laptops, the software was pre-installed and there's no back-up disk. I found the .dll file, but I haven't a clue how one would go about re-installing it on a machine that's completely blue-screened and won't even run Safe Mode. If she could get into the Recovery Console, maybe... But her dad may be able to get it sorted at his work tomorrow, so perhaps crisis shall be averted. I am so tempted to make a HAL 9000 joke right now... ._. But... I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
... Damn.
Ahem. Anyway. So yeah. Blah. BLEH. And other sounds of annoyance and discontent. At least there are positives in the near future. Jei will be here in two weeks to spend Feb 16th - Feb 25th with me :) Just gotta keep looking forward towards that... it's so soon.
But alas, t'is time for me to be sleeping. Bedtime. Ya. Night-night.
Edit: I now understand the Aerosmith lyric "You make a grown man cry~yy". It has to be a reference to my cat Fox. Being woken in the dead of night by a cat who WON'T STOP MEWING until you go downstairs in the PITCH BLACK to feed him... yep. I wanna cry. I can has sleep now? x.x
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-04 03:27 am (UTC)Anyway, it really is crap how someone stole Flyboy Fox... :\ didn't they know it belonged to you? Jeez. The nerve of some people!
And as for your dad, well, as much as he deserves your scorn and more, I can understand why you feel bad. In the end he's your dad, and he's an old man. You have a good heart, so of course it gets to you. I'm sorry though ;_;
Fox cat! You shouldn't feed him so late XD doesn't he have set eating times?
Oh! And happy birthday, Knux. May this year be incredible, and may you never see anything like it.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-04 06:51 am (UTC)I...actually related more to that stuff you were saying about your dad then I thought I would, Jai. I don't want to hate anyone...but sometimes I'm afraid that under extreme stress, I wouldn't be able to help myself. I hope I'm wrong...
But at any rate, I'm proud of you that you were able to find forgiveness in your heart, even though that must have been difficult given all everything your dad's put you and your family through.
I hope Jei's visit to your neck of the woods goes as well as possible...I've known about how attached you two were to each other for a long time...but it's only been recently that I truly understood why you guys felt that way.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-04 05:52 pm (UTC)Sorry to hear fox kept you awake too ^^; tha must have been annoying