~Somewhere I belong~
Jan. 21st, 2008 01:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxI've been trying to get an appointment with my GP since last Wednesday. That particular appointment was cancelled because he was off work ill and wasn't in then or Thursday, then Friday was fully booked. I tried calling again first thing this morning at 8:30, when the office opens. The line was engaged for a solid 15 minutes, and by the time I finally got through, he was fully booked. Already. ARGH. So I insisted. I'm not the most outgoing of people, but I can be pretty assertive and persistent when I need to be :P So I got an 11:00am 'wait-in' appointment. Miraculously, I didn't have to wait long at all; I was outta there by 11:15. Doctor signed me off work for a little longer, but I'm seriously thinking of just throwing in the towel and dedicating my time to finding closer work. I know I've only been there 7 weeks, barely even exceeding my time at PC World, but the trains are getting WORSE and I'd have to leave here at like 6:00am to get to work by 8:00 x.o Sorry, it ain't happening.
So, I was in town after the doctor's appointment. I needed to get some money from the bank and I had to get the bus back from there anyway. Just as I got there, it started tipping down with rain. I mean, really, really pelting. The wind was also whipping up, so much so that the hood on my coat wouldn't stay up unless I held it there. In the few short minutes it took me to get some money from the ATM, I was drenched to the bone.
(As a side-note... I wonder if something killed the internets in Weston O.o The GP's computers were down, Barclay's Bank's computers were down, and so were several others in the high-street, according to hearsay. H4X!!1)
Sooo... I nipped into McDonald's to wait for the rain to pass. Since it was lunch-time-ish, I decided I might as well just get some food while I'm there. So I bought a cheeseburger and some wedges, and of course a hot cup of tea. Britons are nothing without tea. NOTHING. I don't even feel human 'til I've had a cup of tea in the morning. Aaanyway. Cheeseburger and wedges. I guess my appetite still isn't back to what it used to be, because I couldn't finish it, but in the time it took me to pick apart my burger and force down a couple of wedges, I missed my bus x.x Score one. So eh, I just sat there in MaccyD's for a while longer, poking at the ketchup-carton with a potato wedge.
While I was sitting there, I was watching and listening to the people all around me. A couple of old ladies having a chuckle as they sipped their tea. A middle-aged man scarfing down two double-cheese-burgers while he read The Sun. A McDonald's employee trying fruitlessly to change a strip-lighting bulb whilst balancing precariously on a stepladder (I'm sure there's a breech of H&S in there somewhere). Next to my table, two tables full of boys, probably in their late teens, laughing and throwing fries at each other whilst accusing each other of shagging their friend's nan. And across the way, an equally noisy gaggle of girls, clearly students from Weston College, as evidenced by their belongings, laughing and shrieking as they compared Happy Meal toys.
Never have I felt so distant and removed from reality. As I watched it all going on around me, I felt like a visitor from another planet. I guess you could say I had a "Who am I? Why am I here?" moment, but that sounds a little too much like a certain black and red bio-engineered hedgehog for my liking. But it was a very very strange feeling, of absolutely not belonging, not fitting in, not being part of it all in any way.
I guess this is one reason I hope to go to University. Maybe there I'll meet people who are a little more like me. Maybe that's where the non-conformists are. There's nothing wrong with boisterous boys and giggly girls, but there's more than that. There has to be.
My GP said I'm "in limbo" right now. The side-effects of the Cipralex have all but gone, but I'm not yet feeling the benefits. He said that when I start to feel better, I'll know. There's an obvious change. But it can take two or three weeks... even a month or so, to start showing. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm getting by. I haven't crashed and burned yet. But I want to start feeling better.
At least I have you, LiveJournal, to hear me out. Thanks.
So, I was in town after the doctor's appointment. I needed to get some money from the bank and I had to get the bus back from there anyway. Just as I got there, it started tipping down with rain. I mean, really, really pelting. The wind was also whipping up, so much so that the hood on my coat wouldn't stay up unless I held it there. In the few short minutes it took me to get some money from the ATM, I was drenched to the bone.
(As a side-note... I wonder if something killed the internets in Weston O.o The GP's computers were down, Barclay's Bank's computers were down, and so were several others in the high-street, according to hearsay. H4X!!1)
Sooo... I nipped into McDonald's to wait for the rain to pass. Since it was lunch-time-ish, I decided I might as well just get some food while I'm there. So I bought a cheeseburger and some wedges, and of course a hot cup of tea. Britons are nothing without tea. NOTHING. I don't even feel human 'til I've had a cup of tea in the morning. Aaanyway. Cheeseburger and wedges. I guess my appetite still isn't back to what it used to be, because I couldn't finish it, but in the time it took me to pick apart my burger and force down a couple of wedges, I missed my bus x.x Score one. So eh, I just sat there in MaccyD's for a while longer, poking at the ketchup-carton with a potato wedge.
While I was sitting there, I was watching and listening to the people all around me. A couple of old ladies having a chuckle as they sipped their tea. A middle-aged man scarfing down two double-cheese-burgers while he read The Sun. A McDonald's employee trying fruitlessly to change a strip-lighting bulb whilst balancing precariously on a stepladder (I'm sure there's a breech of H&S in there somewhere). Next to my table, two tables full of boys, probably in their late teens, laughing and throwing fries at each other whilst accusing each other of shagging their friend's nan. And across the way, an equally noisy gaggle of girls, clearly students from Weston College, as evidenced by their belongings, laughing and shrieking as they compared Happy Meal toys.
Never have I felt so distant and removed from reality. As I watched it all going on around me, I felt like a visitor from another planet. I guess you could say I had a "Who am I? Why am I here?" moment, but that sounds a little too much like a certain black and red bio-engineered hedgehog for my liking. But it was a very very strange feeling, of absolutely not belonging, not fitting in, not being part of it all in any way.
I guess this is one reason I hope to go to University. Maybe there I'll meet people who are a little more like me. Maybe that's where the non-conformists are. There's nothing wrong with boisterous boys and giggly girls, but there's more than that. There has to be.
My GP said I'm "in limbo" right now. The side-effects of the Cipralex have all but gone, but I'm not yet feeling the benefits. He said that when I start to feel better, I'll know. There's an obvious change. But it can take two or three weeks... even a month or so, to start showing. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm getting by. I haven't crashed and burned yet. But I want to start feeling better.
At least I have you, LiveJournal, to hear me out. Thanks.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 05:19 pm (UTC)I think not fitting in at McDonald's is a good thing. =P
-Collision Cat
no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 05:49 pm (UTC)As for the Mickey D's incident... XD Welcome to my life~ I think it's natural to feel really distant from others, and some people get that feeling moreso. But I also get the impression you're more the person to have few, close friends that you can speak with one-on-one and have the best sort of conversation. I'm that sort of person myself. And it's strange to see big groups and feel like you're missing out, but really... it's a social show. And I know how crappy it can feel to miss out on that too, because it's a show we're missing. But think about how we're the ones that get to see and understand it. We're the observant ones, y'know~! Fitting or not, we're all shades of awesome. *nodnods* <3
Also, tea. (3 I'm not even sure if fastfood places on this coast sell tea. o_o; Or at least not much besides the supercheap-not-quite-tea stuff. *pokes you lucky thing*
no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 08:09 pm (UTC)When the pills kick in, you'll be able to tell, and so will everybody else, so don't worry.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 09:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 10:17 am (UTC)*hugs* it's not a nice feeling