~I can achieve...~
Jan. 6th, 2007 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxI have an Educational Psychologist assessment this next Friday at college. It'll take three hours. I'm not sure how to feel. On the one hand, it'll help sort out what support, if any, a future university will need to provide for me... on the other, I don't like feeling that I need support. It makes me feel less than normal, and I know that's not the case; I have strengths and weaknesses just like anyone else. And I guess the weaknesses do need to be addressed if I'm going to have a shot at University, which is something I do want to do. I'm academically capable enough. I believe I could achieve if I put my mind to it, and if I need a little help - or even just some awareness and someone who I can talk to if I get into a situation where I'm struggling in any way - then getting support can only be a good thing.
For those that don't know (since I don't talk about it often), I left school at 14 and in that same year I was diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome - a mild form of autism. It's a diagnosis I have never fully agreed with. I'm not ashamed of the label, I just don't think it fits. I can't see myself as autistic. And you know? I think it would be FAR too easy to take a diagnosis like that and use it as an excuse for all my failures in life. I know some people do.
So, anyway, these are the things I personally consider to be 'problematic' about myself:
* Sensory problems - I have quite a profound light-sensitivity, meaning I wear dark glasses all year round, and that certain color combinations and patterns are capable of making me feel quite sick and dizzy. I'm also sound-sensitive - certain pitches or types of sound can really freak me, and loud noises in particular terrify me to almost a phobic extent. I get freaked if anyone stands behind me or tries to hug me or touch me. I think the sensory things are probably the biggest 'problem' for me. I've learned that taking measures to lessen sensory impact has helped a great deal, as overload is what seems to be the trigger for panic attacks. I'm definitely better than I was, mainly due to understanding the things that set me off.
* Poor muscle tone. This means that I have some problems with things like opening jars or bottles, and doing up tight buttons. I also have a horribly awkward pen-grip which gives me blisters because I can't control the pen otherwise. This particular issue is one I've worked HARD to overcome. When I was 14 I had the drawing age of 9. So you can see why I'm proud of how far my 'art' has come recently.
* Poor spacial awareness. This means I'm more clumsy than most, and I tend to make exaggerated movements to compensate for my slightly poor sense of balance. It also means I can't tell left from right most of the time. I'll be map-reading and telling my mom "go left!" and she'll say "you mean right, don't you?" "*pause* ... er... yeah."
* Poor visual memory. I have the opposite of a photographic memory. Things don't really come together as a whole when I see them (it's wicked hard to explain), so I can't store them easily. I have NO memory for faces. This was awkward at work when I couldn't tell the difference between the I.T. manager and one of my co-workers... eh. I get afraid even that I won't recognize Jei at the airport whenever I go to collect her, just because my visual memory is so poor.
* Being obsessive. That ranges from my huge obsessions (eg Sonic), to my love affair with my computer and the internet, to other little obsessions such as my weird thing about even numbers and my stupid 'routines'. I think it also includes the obsessive thoughts I sometimes have. Touch-wood they haven't been so bad lately, but there have been times when I've felt close to total despair because of the obsessive thoughts I can't get out of my head. I think it all comes down to just needing to learn how to channel myself into more productive things and in healthier ways.
I'm hoping the Ed Psych can help me with useful methods for improving my organizational skills too, as this is a big issue with me.
NONE of these things are excuses for failure though. They are MINOR things, compared to the problems many people have to face. However, it would be useful to get a professional opinion, as I haven't been assessed since 14. I don't agree with attempting to self-diagnose, but I think it's _possible_ that most of my problems fall more in the category of a mild Dyspraxia rather than Asperger's. However, I think it's the obsessions that had them push me over onto the autistic side of things.
Really, labels suck anyway. But I suppose they're useful if they help people understand more quickly what a person's primary weaknesses might be. And it's useful for a college to know that. I don't WANT major concessions. But it would be useful for them to understand why I wear dark glasses so much of the time, or how I might find it hard to read print on certain colored paper etc.
Anyway, the point of this post is really just to get my head together about what I already know about my 'problems', and what I want to talk to the Ed Psych about. You won't see me writing often about this kind of stuff. I don't like waving it around, because _everyone_ has problems and things that are easier or harder for them. But I suppose it is useful for you to know these things about me, so you won't think I'm a freakor vampire XD; if you ever meet me.
For those that don't know (since I don't talk about it often), I left school at 14 and in that same year I was diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome - a mild form of autism. It's a diagnosis I have never fully agreed with. I'm not ashamed of the label, I just don't think it fits. I can't see myself as autistic. And you know? I think it would be FAR too easy to take a diagnosis like that and use it as an excuse for all my failures in life. I know some people do.
So, anyway, these are the things I personally consider to be 'problematic' about myself:
* Sensory problems - I have quite a profound light-sensitivity, meaning I wear dark glasses all year round, and that certain color combinations and patterns are capable of making me feel quite sick and dizzy. I'm also sound-sensitive - certain pitches or types of sound can really freak me, and loud noises in particular terrify me to almost a phobic extent. I get freaked if anyone stands behind me or tries to hug me or touch me. I think the sensory things are probably the biggest 'problem' for me. I've learned that taking measures to lessen sensory impact has helped a great deal, as overload is what seems to be the trigger for panic attacks. I'm definitely better than I was, mainly due to understanding the things that set me off.
* Poor muscle tone. This means that I have some problems with things like opening jars or bottles, and doing up tight buttons. I also have a horribly awkward pen-grip which gives me blisters because I can't control the pen otherwise. This particular issue is one I've worked HARD to overcome. When I was 14 I had the drawing age of 9. So you can see why I'm proud of how far my 'art' has come recently.
* Poor spacial awareness. This means I'm more clumsy than most, and I tend to make exaggerated movements to compensate for my slightly poor sense of balance. It also means I can't tell left from right most of the time. I'll be map-reading and telling my mom "go left!" and she'll say "you mean right, don't you?" "*pause* ... er... yeah."
* Poor visual memory. I have the opposite of a photographic memory. Things don't really come together as a whole when I see them (it's wicked hard to explain), so I can't store them easily. I have NO memory for faces. This was awkward at work when I couldn't tell the difference between the I.T. manager and one of my co-workers... eh. I get afraid even that I won't recognize Jei at the airport whenever I go to collect her, just because my visual memory is so poor.
* Being obsessive. That ranges from my huge obsessions (eg Sonic), to my love affair with my computer and the internet, to other little obsessions such as my weird thing about even numbers and my stupid 'routines'. I think it also includes the obsessive thoughts I sometimes have. Touch-wood they haven't been so bad lately, but there have been times when I've felt close to total despair because of the obsessive thoughts I can't get out of my head. I think it all comes down to just needing to learn how to channel myself into more productive things and in healthier ways.
I'm hoping the Ed Psych can help me with useful methods for improving my organizational skills too, as this is a big issue with me.
NONE of these things are excuses for failure though. They are MINOR things, compared to the problems many people have to face. However, it would be useful to get a professional opinion, as I haven't been assessed since 14. I don't agree with attempting to self-diagnose, but I think it's _possible_ that most of my problems fall more in the category of a mild Dyspraxia rather than Asperger's. However, I think it's the obsessions that had them push me over onto the autistic side of things.
Really, labels suck anyway. But I suppose they're useful if they help people understand more quickly what a person's primary weaknesses might be. And it's useful for a college to know that. I don't WANT major concessions. But it would be useful for them to understand why I wear dark glasses so much of the time, or how I might find it hard to read print on certain colored paper etc.
Anyway, the point of this post is really just to get my head together about what I already know about my 'problems', and what I want to talk to the Ed Psych about. You won't see me writing often about this kind of stuff. I don't like waving it around, because _everyone_ has problems and things that are easier or harder for them. But I suppose it is useful for you to know these things about me, so you won't think I'm a freak
