~Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi~
Aug. 15th, 2006 01:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flyboy_foxI decided I really don't want to go on mood-altering drugs if I can help it. So I was thinking, perhaps my doctor will be willing to prescribe me a mild sedative instead. After all, I don't need to be treated for depression... any depression I have is a symptom caused by the sensory overload problems that are kicking my butt right now. But a sedative might take the edge off those problems and help me to chill out a bit so I'm not permanently freaking out and on edge about everything. I don't think anything that inhibits a natural chemical reaction the way SSID blockers do is good, but another reason I'm reluctant to take such a chemically invasive drug treatment, even short-term, is because I had a VERY bad experience with Prozac when I was 14. Granted, it stopped me from completely self-destructing (this was back when I dropped out of high school), so I guess in retrospect it was necessary... but it also completely zombified me, except for the horrible visual hallucinations I had as a side effect. I'm not doing that again. I know there are better mood-controlling drugs now with less side effects and which are less potent... but even so, if I can avoid them altogether I will. Sedatives are a much kinder option... I mean, heck, you can buy sedatives over the counter. There are herbal ones, even. I guess I might try a mild sedative first and see if that helps.
Weirdly enough, I actually had a good dream last night. Very odd, since I've been having restless nightmares every night for weeks... but on the night I was more stressed than ever, I actually had a good dream ^^; I dreamed I was having another bi-plane lesson, except this time my instructor let me fly the whole time, from take-off to landing. He seemed to think I had what it takes to be a good pilot. ::Shrugs:: I hope so. I really do want to get my bi-plane license someday in the not-too-distant future. As for the fact that I had a good dream... I guess maybe my brain decided to give me a break. Thanks, brain.
I have no idea what's up with the weather right now... August 10th 2003 was the hottest day ever recorded in the UK until this July (38C). However, right now at midday on August 14th 2006 it is exactly 16C. 16! It's COLD. In the middle of August. It's also miserably rainy. Not that cool heavy rain (we got that all yesterday, complete with a HUGE terrifying loud thunderstorm x.x), just that lame drizzly kinda rain. Bo~ring. Where's the sun? ;_;
My stomach didn't like me this morning. It decided to rebel and turn itself inside out or something x.o Not sure if it was because of yesterday's stress, or because of the "do not microwave from frozen" chicken tikka masala I... um... microwaved from frozen at 2am last night ^^; I'm thinking it was probably that. I had salad for lunch and I'm fine now I think. The stupid tikka masala wasn't even nice anyway :P
There was a big power cut in Sutton today, apparently o.o The lights suddenly went out in all the shops, and they all had to close. Craziness. Probably delayed storm-damage to the power lines, or something. Meep.
So, I got my Tiger Moth DVD today that shows a cockpit-cam view of me during the entire flight :P Fitting for it to arrive right after that dream, huh? Also, my funding forms arrived for the NVQ3 thing. Still don't know what I'm gonna do about that. I'll have to think it over. I never considered myself unsuited for childcare work... I could never imagine hurting a kid, especially not a preschool kid. I don't think I have it in me to act violently towards an infant, EVER. But I would never want to run the risk of it, no matter how minute that risk might be. If I can lose my temper so violently and suddenly in _whatever_ situation, then I'm a loose cannon and it's not worth the risk. So, I've gotta think it over very carefully before I commit myself to anything.
I also got my MP3 player back today, finally. It _seems_ to be working... it's charging via m-to-f USB again, which is a good sign. When I set up my PC in the new place, I'm gonna have to be more organized. I'm drowning in wires here! Wires everywhere... printer, scanner, speakers, mic, keyboard, USB hub... plus some wires that I have no IDEA what they're attached to O.o There's _gotta_ be a better way to organize this ^^;
Oh! The packing crates are here. ::Squeak:: ... I guess today is when the mammoth job of packing up everything begins. I will not procrastinate. I will not procrastinate. I will not-- I wonder how my NationState is doing. (My NationState is Milonic, a shameless hybrid name made up of 'Miles' and 'Sonic' combined :P Located in The East Pacific region ^^ My Nation also seems to be having troubles O.o).
.... aaaand.... I totally forgot to send this when I typed it up 13 hours ago n.n;; Oh well, I shall post it now :P
And also... wow at the number of replies to my last post... and the _length_ of the replies... and the sweet gestures and offers. I was genuinely overwhelmed. And touched. I'm really happy that noone ditched me ^^ I mean... I feel guilty when I angst, even if it is in my own LJ and behind a cut. Because y'know... anything published publicly kinda feels like a cry for attention even if it was never meant that way. I don't ever want to be like an attention-whore or someone who thrives on angst and getting people to comment. That's not me at all. I try to be cheerful mostly and I hate the thought of ever being a burden. I'm just... honestly... really surprised at how many people commented to help me ^_^ I wasn't expecting that many at all. I guess sometimes something surprisingly good can come out of darker circumstances. I realized I have a lot more friends than I thought ^^
Weirdly enough, I actually had a good dream last night. Very odd, since I've been having restless nightmares every night for weeks... but on the night I was more stressed than ever, I actually had a good dream ^^; I dreamed I was having another bi-plane lesson, except this time my instructor let me fly the whole time, from take-off to landing. He seemed to think I had what it takes to be a good pilot. ::Shrugs:: I hope so. I really do want to get my bi-plane license someday in the not-too-distant future. As for the fact that I had a good dream... I guess maybe my brain decided to give me a break. Thanks, brain.
I have no idea what's up with the weather right now... August 10th 2003 was the hottest day ever recorded in the UK until this July (38C). However, right now at midday on August 14th 2006 it is exactly 16C. 16! It's COLD. In the middle of August. It's also miserably rainy. Not that cool heavy rain (we got that all yesterday, complete with a HUGE terrifying loud thunderstorm x.x), just that lame drizzly kinda rain. Bo~ring. Where's the sun? ;_;
My stomach didn't like me this morning. It decided to rebel and turn itself inside out or something x.o Not sure if it was because of yesterday's stress, or because of the "do not microwave from frozen" chicken tikka masala I... um... microwaved from frozen at 2am last night ^^; I'm thinking it was probably that. I had salad for lunch and I'm fine now I think. The stupid tikka masala wasn't even nice anyway :P
There was a big power cut in Sutton today, apparently o.o The lights suddenly went out in all the shops, and they all had to close. Craziness. Probably delayed storm-damage to the power lines, or something. Meep.
So, I got my Tiger Moth DVD today that shows a cockpit-cam view of me during the entire flight :P Fitting for it to arrive right after that dream, huh? Also, my funding forms arrived for the NVQ3 thing. Still don't know what I'm gonna do about that. I'll have to think it over. I never considered myself unsuited for childcare work... I could never imagine hurting a kid, especially not a preschool kid. I don't think I have it in me to act violently towards an infant, EVER. But I would never want to run the risk of it, no matter how minute that risk might be. If I can lose my temper so violently and suddenly in _whatever_ situation, then I'm a loose cannon and it's not worth the risk. So, I've gotta think it over very carefully before I commit myself to anything.
I also got my MP3 player back today, finally. It _seems_ to be working... it's charging via m-to-f USB again, which is a good sign. When I set up my PC in the new place, I'm gonna have to be more organized. I'm drowning in wires here! Wires everywhere... printer, scanner, speakers, mic, keyboard, USB hub... plus some wires that I have no IDEA what they're attached to O.o There's _gotta_ be a better way to organize this ^^;
Oh! The packing crates are here. ::Squeak:: ... I guess today is when the mammoth job of packing up everything begins. I will not procrastinate. I will not procrastinate. I will not-- I wonder how my NationState is doing. (My NationState is Milonic, a shameless hybrid name made up of 'Miles' and 'Sonic' combined :P Located in The East Pacific region ^^ My Nation also seems to be having troubles O.o).
.... aaaand.... I totally forgot to send this when I typed it up 13 hours ago n.n;; Oh well, I shall post it now :P
And also... wow at the number of replies to my last post... and the _length_ of the replies... and the sweet gestures and offers. I was genuinely overwhelmed. And touched. I'm really happy that noone ditched me ^^ I mean... I feel guilty when I angst, even if it is in my own LJ and behind a cut. Because y'know... anything published publicly kinda feels like a cry for attention even if it was never meant that way. I don't ever want to be like an attention-whore or someone who thrives on angst and getting people to comment. That's not me at all. I try to be cheerful mostly and I hate the thought of ever being a burden. I'm just... honestly... really surprised at how many people commented to help me ^_^ I wasn't expecting that many at all. I guess sometimes something surprisingly good can come out of darker circumstances. I realized I have a lot more friends than I thought ^^
