Peh.

[flyboy_fox]

Miles is back. Doesn't seem like he wants to be here. More like he doesn't have a choice. I feel kinda bad. Wonder if he'll stay.

I hate the thought that I need him. How can I still be fragmented like that after everything I accepted about me?

I guess Miles is still Miles, no matter what we have in common. Sorry, dude.

Comments

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Told ya.
:P Okay, sorry about that blunt response.
I think he's a soulbond, personally, but... y'know. I don't know. I'm way over here.
Welcome back, bud.

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

There is no choice. It's irritating as hell but there just is'nt.
Acceptance is part of the deed. I like your progress.

[aubergine-pilot.livejournal.com]

Still have that writing-desk-box-thing, if he'd still like it.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm still pretty sure he's essentially a past life, the one that was parallel to my life as Tails, but maybe I somehow sorta 'soulbonded' him here. I don't think he's a completely alien entity. But I doubt I'll ever figure him out entirely.

He's not happy to be back, anyway. He's pretty damn murderous right now x.o I have no idea how to appease him short of letting him kill someone. Which of course I'm not going to do >_>

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

So much for 'merging personas', eh? x.o

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

He would, very much I think. He also wants to get hold of a dagger, a revolver, a leather bound journal, a writing quill, and a supply of absinthe. Yay.

Maybe having some of these things of his own might calm him down? ^^;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

I know how he feels. Couple hours ago I was Selebis and it wasn't pretty. I kept clenching and unclenching my fists and felt this burning in my chest that wasn't going away.
Still tense and edgy. Blargh.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how to deal with it. Most of the time he's so calm and unbothered about anything, but then lately he's been having these sporadic psychotic moments and I really don't want him to hurt Jei or anything. I mean, I don't think he WILL, I'll always have enough control to prevent that. But it's still a scary feeling, that kind of hateful murderous bloodlust. It shouldn't be inside me. He's not usually like that, he's very calm and level-headed normally, but I think he's just frustrated to breaking point by his limits here x.o I dunno what to do about that ._.;;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

If you figure out how to ease the bloodlust, let me know. I was trying to pry apart one of my safety razors earlier and luckily got fed up.
NOT in a happy place right now. Pretty pissed at everything, actually. Sick of being contained.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Miles has open blades and scalpel heads :\ I probably should keep them in a locked box and give Jei the key while she's at school n.n;; He also spent a good half hour tonight weaving some cord into a rope (3x3 threads) and then fashioning a hangman's noose out of it. Whatever. It seems like watching 28 Weeks Later set him off. All the blood, I guess? He's weird. And a little frightening. And totally OBSESSED. Do Not Want D:

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Just be careful. It's not pleasant when you're in KILL EVERYTHING mode.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It's creepy and I especially worry about Jei because I hate the thought of scaring her, and the thought of hurting her much more so. But if I ever start to think that I can't keep his violent impulses under control, I am checking myself in, bond or no bond. I have to draw a line somewhere, and that line is BEFORE hurting anyone.

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Just keep trying to relax and do things you enjoy. It's all me in my case, rather than a soulbond, so I don't know if that will work for you.
It's frustrating not having the freedom and having to conform to the rules of this world, but you just gotta grit your teeth and work through the feeling until it passes.
I'd suggest drawing some guro or something but I don't know if that would sate his hunger or make it worse.

[sovereignstory.livejournal.com]

Fantastic taste in music, by the way. Dimmu is love. Frankly, I had no idea you liked metal.

Anyways, in regards to handling blood lust, you may want to try going to a metal or punk show, where jumping in the pit is an acceptable outlet of aggression. If you're at an underground show, it can end up like Fight Club. So, if you're looking for something TECHNICALLY legal that allows you to bruise and bloody someone up, go to a show and hop in the pit.

Well, hope some of this helps.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of getting him a punch bag, lol, so he can beat the crap out of it next time he feels destructive like that. But that just might piss him off more, my efforts to placate him. I have the feeling he'd probably stab it to death rather than punch it, so it wouldn't last long x.o

[sletia.livejournal.com]

... what a good idea. I need an object to stab to death. >_>

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Wish we had that kind of shit around here. I love metal anyway, so it would be double awesome.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

It wasn't really my choice of music. Miles was trying to drown out my earlier choices by blasting Death Metal at me ^^; But it seems his taste in music is similar to a few people on my list. Someone previously said they like Dark Psytrance, which is something else he listens to.

If I had anything resembling money, I would totally take that advice and throw him into a metal show pit next time he gets like this >_>;; It sounds like... fun?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Heh. Maybe I could invest in a cheap one, so it wouldn't matter if it gets ripped to shreds in the space of a week <_<

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Honestly right now I'd like nothing more than to grab him and go on a psycho-spree together.
Blessing in disguise the types I resonate with live far away, I suppose.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I had a feeling you might feel that way ^^; That even though on some level you wanna help me as a friend, you're totally empathising with him. But then, you know, you'd both end up in jail and it would be game over :P (He thinks no jail could hold him, but he's forgetting how different things are here and how powerless I actually am >_>)

[sletia.livejournal.com]

You only go to jail if you get caught.
And we could always just.. you know. Fuck each other up instead.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Oh boy *Sweatdrop* I would be afraid. I'll just stay right here on my nice safe side of the ocean ^^; No murder charges for me~! *Whistles*

[sletia.livejournal.com]

But if I'm dead it's not fun anymore, is it?

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

I... I'm not going to answer that. Creepy answer would be fuckin' creepy.