An apology.

[flyboy_fox]

I'm an idiot. But what's new?

I owe Miles an apology. I wasn't even THINKING. I kept going on and on about how he's been making my life hell without even considering how I'm making HIS life right now. I got so caught up in feeling like he was just endlessly bullying me and treating me badly that I didn't even realize that I've been disrespecting him just as badly and it's little wonder that he's sick and tired of me and constantly pissed off. If he hadn't decided to calmly air his grievances to Jei last night I probably would have just kept doing it too. After he explained his side of the story to her, she actually agreed with most of his points and then afterwards she talked with me and although I felt butthurt at the time that she was 'siding with him', I realized over the course of the evening that she's absolutely right.

I treat him like shit too, and for no good reason.

Not only do I poke at him as much as he does at me, I also publicly humiliate him at any chance I get. I can't believe I made a post asking YOU guys if it was okay to keep posting all this shit about Miles without asking HIM if he had objections. Damn. Of course he's pissed. I've been ranting endlessly about him here, and when I'm not angry-ranting, I'm posting every little detail about his personality, habits and lifestyle like some massive case-study, completely forgetting that it's not my right to tell the whole world every little sordid detail about him.

Miles is a very private person (I hope it's not a breach of his privacy to say that about him) and he already has had to compromise his privacy so much by sharing a mind with me and a home with Jei and Scourge. It's little wonder that he's been acting the way he has. I know how I would feel if I were in his position, and to be honest I would probably have been far less restrained.

Of course, I'm only human. I can't stop talking about him altogether - if he says or does things that impact majorly on my life or make me go 'wtf' then I'm gonna want to include it in a write-up of recent events in my blog. He's gonna have to deal with the fact that people know about his existence and that I'm gonna mention him from time to time. But I'm gonna make a real effort to stop publicly dissecting him and compromising his privacy, and also to stop bitching about him so much. In the end, he's not ruining my life - I'm the one making things worse by being an asshole.

Maybe it's hypocritical to make a post about it that's basically about him yet again, but I needed to explain before I change my style of doing things. I'll still talk about him, but I'll do it less and I'll try not to mention anything that might make him uncomfortable (unless of course it's something that majorly affects ME - but stuff that only majorly affects HIM has no place here. If he doesn't want it known, then I shouldn't be saying it.)

So basically, I'm sorry, Miles. You're absolutely right in this instance and I feel appropriately guilty.

Gotta get to work now. I think my next post will mostly focus on that, since I haven't really talked about my new job at all yet XD

Comments

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

It took me a while to accept my alter so i'd say this is a big step forward..

[sletia.livejournal.com]

This is something that's going to bite me in the ass later, as well.
It was easy to waggle a finger and go "now, that headmate is an individual entity blah blah blah" when I wasn't in the situation.
Honestly, I'm horrible to my headmate sometimes, and it's easy when.. you barely hear from him to begin with.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Hey, gotta accept when I'm in the wrong or we'll be locked in a War of the Stubborn and Pissed Off forever ^^; It was turning into a vicious circle.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

>>and it's easy when.. you barely hear from him to begin with.

Lol. Why does that make it _easier_ to be mean? XD Surely you have less reason if he's just leaving you well alone. At least, I'd be less inclined to be a bitch if Miles was less of a bitch to me and coexisted peacefully. And vice-versa of course, as my post established ^^;

[sletia.livejournal.com]

I mean I can do things he might be uncomfortable with because he doesn't say much.

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Well that's not really the same as being deliberately horrible to him XD More a case of misunderstanding or him not letting you know that he's unhappy, right?

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I suppose so. ^^;

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Give it a few months XD

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Reh? O_o

Icon was relevant (:

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I just meant that if you're not at each other's throats now, just give it time XD;

Re: Icon was relevant (:

[sletia.livejournal.com]

That depends on whether he gets stronger or not. He might just never be more than a ghost, to me. Not all soulbonds front or even voice their opinions. (So I've been told.)

Re: Icon was relevant (:

[flyboy-fox.livejournal.com]

Maybe he's less a headmate and more an occasional visitor? Not all bonds are permanent residents (although he could be). Maybe he'll always flit around, just sparingly, or maybe like you said your interest in his world gave him a landing point and perhaps in that case he's only here temporarily to get something done or figure something out, using you as a vessel. If he's not a past life but rather a separate entity, maybe he's not tied only to you (god, maybe the reason there's so many Shadows out there is because it's all the same one making house calls XD)

Re: Icon was relevant (:

[sletia.livejournal.com]

Oh, he's definitely separate from me. O_< And yeah, that's a cute visual.. Shadow flitting from person to person, like a butterfly..

[kalium-kx.livejournal.com]

Haha..for me it was the same..we still agree/work together on some level..but we still do argue..just a lot less now than we understand each other a lot more since back then..