![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
~It's the music that we choose~
Jul. 14th, 2007 11:27 pmI'm not sure how many of my LJ friends have known me long enough to know about my somewhat rocky relationship with my younger brother. He's 19, and for almost a year now he hasn't been living with my mom and me. He's been living back in London with my pathetic excuse for a father.
Well, a couple weeks ago my dad decided to randomly jet off to Bogota for a few weeks and left my brother alone to look after himself in the apartment. Granted, he's 19... but he's never lived alone before, plus he has no job and therefore no money. My mom went down to visit him today and called me to say that my brother is "as thin as a rake" and is "a total mess". So naturally, she can't leave him there any longer.
So, out of nowhere, my brother will be coming back to live with us tomorrow.
I dunno what to think or how to feel. Naturally, I love my kid brother despite our past. I want him to be okay and I want him safe and to have a parent who can actually take care of him where my deadbeat father sorely failed. But on the other side of things... we have SO much bad history. Part of the reason we've lived separately since mid last year is due to the fact that we clash so violently. By that, I mean that we find it near impossible to live with each other. In the past, things reached fever-pitch and the police ended up involved when my brother and I had a physical fight that resulted in him tearing my shirt and stamping on my head and my throat. It just got way out of hand.
It's hard to explain why we're so dysfunctional, but it basically seems to boil down to just being complete opposites. My brother is borderline clinically ADHD. He's not capable of being quiet or still for even 10 seconds. He's always making noise, moving about, crashing things, yelling, making random noises like "woop!" and "ey!" just to fill the silence. He plays his rap/drum n' bass music at maximum volume all the time and can't seem to concentrate on anything unless he has it playing. He drinks and smokes, which doesn't help, and he has a tendency towards violence at times. A couple years back he served an 8-month probationary sentence after being convicted of ABH (Actual Bodily Harm) when he beat up his girlfriend's new lover with a sock full of batteries. He's aggressive, loud, and basically a London chav.
On the other hand there's me, equally dysfunctional in an opposite way. I hate loudness and noise and I like/need things to be calm and predictable and peaceful or else I panic. When my brother's in the house I feel like a trapped animal, scared and cornered, even if he's in another part of the house. Often, if he's in the house, I won't leave my room all day. His constant swearing really bothers me and has been the trigger for many problems in the past. The thought of being here alone with him on a daily basis until one of us finds a job really worries me.
Understand this: I don't believe he's an evil or bad person. He's just got some issues, like I have. But I'm seriously worried about how things will pan out when we're living together again. He's never been willing to compromise in the past, and I can't see how things will be any different now.
Well, a couple weeks ago my dad decided to randomly jet off to Bogota for a few weeks and left my brother alone to look after himself in the apartment. Granted, he's 19... but he's never lived alone before, plus he has no job and therefore no money. My mom went down to visit him today and called me to say that my brother is "as thin as a rake" and is "a total mess". So naturally, she can't leave him there any longer.
So, out of nowhere, my brother will be coming back to live with us tomorrow.
I dunno what to think or how to feel. Naturally, I love my kid brother despite our past. I want him to be okay and I want him safe and to have a parent who can actually take care of him where my deadbeat father sorely failed. But on the other side of things... we have SO much bad history. Part of the reason we've lived separately since mid last year is due to the fact that we clash so violently. By that, I mean that we find it near impossible to live with each other. In the past, things reached fever-pitch and the police ended up involved when my brother and I had a physical fight that resulted in him tearing my shirt and stamping on my head and my throat. It just got way out of hand.
It's hard to explain why we're so dysfunctional, but it basically seems to boil down to just being complete opposites. My brother is borderline clinically ADHD. He's not capable of being quiet or still for even 10 seconds. He's always making noise, moving about, crashing things, yelling, making random noises like "woop!" and "ey!" just to fill the silence. He plays his rap/drum n' bass music at maximum volume all the time and can't seem to concentrate on anything unless he has it playing. He drinks and smokes, which doesn't help, and he has a tendency towards violence at times. A couple years back he served an 8-month probationary sentence after being convicted of ABH (Actual Bodily Harm) when he beat up his girlfriend's new lover with a sock full of batteries. He's aggressive, loud, and basically a London chav.
On the other hand there's me, equally dysfunctional in an opposite way. I hate loudness and noise and I like/need things to be calm and predictable and peaceful or else I panic. When my brother's in the house I feel like a trapped animal, scared and cornered, even if he's in another part of the house. Often, if he's in the house, I won't leave my room all day. His constant swearing really bothers me and has been the trigger for many problems in the past. The thought of being here alone with him on a daily basis until one of us finds a job really worries me.
Understand this: I don't believe he's an evil or bad person. He's just got some issues, like I have. But I'm seriously worried about how things will pan out when we're living together again. He's never been willing to compromise in the past, and I can't see how things will be any different now.
